- “That's a Paddlin'”
- ―Jasper Beardly[src]
BiographyJasper is a World War II veteran. Jasper also tried to avoid the draft by disguising himself as a woman and staying in Springfield to play in the local women's baseball league, along with his friend Abe, who was also avoiding the war. He has been a substitute teacher who confiscated everything made of tin (according to Lisa) and got his beard caught in the pencil sharpener. He also preceded Reverend Lovejoy as minister at the Simpsons' church in Springfield. Jasper's father was an legal immigrant from Ireland and his mother was an illegal Mexican immigrant, who was deported when Jasper was 11.
It is implied that Jasper is slowly going blind due to his cataracts. This ailment was once cured by a laser fired by a house's security protection equipment, but he was blinded again almost immediately. He accepted this very quickly: "Oh, well. Easy come, easy go." Despite the sight problem, Jasper is a light sleeper, and is still quick with his reflexes. When Abe Simpson tried to steal his dentures one night, Jasper turned on the light immediately and, with a gun aimed at Abe, foiled the nocturnal theft. Also, when everyone comes to watch the Itchy & Scratchy (and Poochie) episode "The Beagle Has Landed", he looks down to Bart and asks "Hey, little girl, is this seat taken?", Bart replies angrily with "I'm not a little girl!! Are you blind?!", in which Jasper replies sadly with "Yes."
In "I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings", he has also stated that he is a diabetic.
Jasper was put in crude "suspended animation" in the Kwik-E-Mart's freezer, and under advice from Dr. Nick Riviera, Apu kept him frozen. When Jasper's frozen body became popular with customers, Apu started exploiting the spectacle, and transformed the Kwik-E-Mart into a special interest store dealing with weird items, or perfectly ordinary ones which had been made out to be abnormal (for example, a cash machine that dispenses pictures of "dead presidents"). He put a Viking helmet on Jasper (or "Frostillicus," as Apu renamed him), but eventually, Jasper was accidentally unfrozen and stepped out into what he thought was the future. Apu was considering on selling him to The Rich Texan but his dreams of wealth were crushed once again.
In a montage from "The Old Man and the "C" Student", Jasper is shown to have a wooden left leg while sparring with Old Jewish Man. Jasper was shot in his artificial leg by Waylon Smithers, on the same night of the nearly fatal shooting of Mr. Burns. However, in several earlier episodes, he was clearly shown to have both feet.
His beard got caught in a bicycle chain in "Homer's Triple Bypass" and a pencil sharpener in "The PTA Disbands". He also claimed to have "broke" his beard during a Death Race accident with Abe Simpson and Old Jewish Man.
In "Singin' in the Lane", he dies before a bowling match, however, Abe revives him with defibrillator paddles.
In "The Springfield Files", Jasper, under the mistaken belief that it was Wednesday, took some of his Wednesday pills until he learned it was actually Friday, which caused him to morph into a bizarre Lorax-like creature.
In "Moe'N'a Lisa", he is accidentally torched while lighting the Olympic flame.
In "I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings", he gets shot in the arm during a bank robbery.
In "The Winter of His Content", he dies of a heart attack but is revived by Homer who uses a defibrillator on him.
In "The Old Blue Mayor She Ain't What She Used to Be", he hides in a trashcan that bursts into flames.
Jasper is similar to Hans Moleman since he suffers many accidents.
Jasper is a friend of fellow resident Abe Simpson, but not always. When Abe's girlfriend Bea died, Jasper told him what had happened and comforted him. However, Jasper possibly bullies Abe regularly - on one occasion, he steals Abe's newspaper because he wants to do the crossword puzzle. He had a wife, Estelle, who is now deceased. He apparently had her cremated, and had his successor, Reverend Lovejoy, proceed with the cremation ceremony, although it later became apparent that the ceremony was invalid as it took place during the three months that Lovejoy's ministering license expired.