|
|
|
|
|
|
| |||||||
|
Jazzy and the Pussycats |
|
- (After the chaos Bart caused at Amber’s Funeral, Marge gets the blame for it.)
- Helen Lovejoy: Your son is out of control!
- Sideshow Mel: You raised a savage beast!
- Homer: Yeah, put a leash on him, lady!
- (Bart practices his new drum set all over town and accidentally crashes into the band White Stripes.)
- Jack White: Hey, kid, why don't you watch where you're drumming?
- Bart: Sorry, White Stripes. No hard feelings?
- (Meg and Jack White look at each other.)
- Meg White: Let's kick his ass!
- Homer: Boy, get dressed! You’re going to a jazz brunch as a punishment for all the racket you’re making.
- Bart: I thought you wanted me to drum?
- Homer: Hmph. I’m sending you mixed messages. Now get the hell out of here! (slams door then opens it again) I love you so much. Damn you!
- Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: We were about to play a quick set and we were wondering if you…
- Lisa: Yes?
- Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Lisa Simpson…
- Lisa: Yes?
- Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Would do us the honor…
- Lisa: Yes!
- Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Of sitting in... (Lisa gasps) that chair in the audience. We want to jam with your brother.
- Bart: I was a great drummer, and now I'm nothing. Just like Phil Collins.
- Lisa: All I wanted was to save those animals while Bart became a drummer, but I never thought the two stories would intersect!
- Homer: And what about my new job as a Mexican wrestler? (Puts on his wrestling mask) Beware of Taco Belly. Whoo! (Tackles the human skeleton) Eat your heart! (Tumbles down) No más, no más!
- Bart: I need you to teach me all about the world of juzz.
- Lisa: It's jazz! Jazz! You don't even know the name of the thing you're stealing from me!
- Jazzy Goodtimes Waiter: What it is, hip cats? Would you like me to scat-sing the menu?
- Bart: Hell, no.
- Jazzy Goodtimes Waiter: Oh, god bless you, sir!
- Bart: So how did Malt Liquor Mommy die?
- Marge: Stop calling her that!
- Lenny: I’ll tell you how she died. You know that sign that says, Do Not Stand Up at the Rollercoaster?
- Bart: Yeah.
- Lenny: She overdosed right in front of it.
- Marge: (Sarcastic) Oh class all the way.
- Homer: Marge, could you let it go? You won, she's dead.
- (Marge is stressed about the possible doom of Lisa's animals.)
- Bart: Oh, this benefit concert is gonna be Scooby Dooby!
- Marge: I'm very happy for you, Bart. (Sighs)
- Bart: Why are you sad? Thinkin' about your marriage?
- Marge: If we can't find a home for those animals, they'll be put to sleep. Your sister's very upset.
- Bart: Oh, I feel weird. It's like a potato chip full of shame going down my throat sideways.
- Marge: Honey, what you're feeling is called empathy.
- Bart: Oh, now I'm gonna learn a new word.
- Marge: Empathy means you're looking at Lisa and feeling what she feels. Your sister poured her heart into rescuing those animals to forget the pain of being upstaged in jazz. And now… (Bart faints.)
- (The dog Lisa didn't pick at the Animal Shelter comes back to haunt her in her sleep.)
- Dog Spirit: Lisa Simpson, you've doomed me.
- Lisa: I did? How?
- Dog Spirit: By choosing the cuter puppy. You picked looks over personality, youth over experience, no history of rabies over unknown rabies status. And now I'm going to die!
- Lisa: I never wanted that to happen!
- Dog Spirit: You suuuck, you suuuck!
- (The Dog Spirit scratches on Lisa's door to get out and Lisa opens it.)
- Dog Spirit: Ah, thanks, sweetie. You suuuck!
- Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Bart, you're so steady on those skins, we're gonna call you "Tic Tock."
- Lisa: Ah, I always wanted a jazz nickname.
- Marcus Le Marquez: Fine, we'll call you, uh... Downbeat. 'Cause you're bringin' us down.
- Lisa: Oh! That is the most unfair if you…
- Marcus Le Marquez: Downbeat, Downbeat, please. We're shootin' the breeze with "Tic Tock."
- Bart: Oh-ho, man. I am so juzzed.
- Child Psychiatrist: First, let me assure you that Bart's antics are perfectly normal for a seven-year-old.
- Marge: Actually, he's ten.
- Child Psychiatrist: Oh, dear. Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear.
- (Lisa spots Bart and his Blues musician friends hanging out in the attic.)
- Lisa: Bart! What are you doing here?
- Bart: Uh, (stammers) not smoking reefer.
- Marcus Le Marquez: Uh, that's right. We--we all not smokin' reefer.
- (Lisa picks out a dog at the Animal Shelter.)
- Lisa: Okay, this little guy's comin' home with me. (Pets the dog) Ooh! Who's going to get neutered tomorrow? You are! Oh, yes you are!
- (Marge takes away Bart's laser pointer.)
- Marge: Bart! Do you want to leave the funeral early? Do you?
- Bart: Yes! Of course.
- Bart: My arm! It hurts where the tiger’s biting it!
Deleted Scenes[]
- Jack White: Hey, kid, why don't you watch where you're drumming?
- Meg White: You've wrecked my trademark drum kit!
- Jack White: Whoa, Meg talked! You must have really pissed her off!
- Bart: Sorry, White Stripes. No hard feelings?
- Chief Wiggum: (draws his gun at Marge and Lisa) Drop the marsupial! That means it has a pouch. Did you know that? I read it on a Sprite can.
- Marge: That's very interesting. But why do you have your gun drawn on me?
- Chief Wiggum: Uh, oh! Because it's illegal for you to house these animals, and that includes the hippo in the hammock. (draws his gun at Homer)
- Homer: I wish I was a hippo, then I wouldn't have to answer the phone.
- Chief Wiggum: Oh. All right, he can stay.