John (Homer's Phobia)

John
Gender/Sex	‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Male ♂ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎
Status	‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Alive ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎
Hair Color	Black Blonde in "The Fool Monty"
Occupation	Owner of Cockamamie's Collectibles Shop
Relations	Possible Ex-Boyfriend: Waylon Smithers, Jr.
First episode appearance	"Homer's Phobia"
Portrayed by	John Waters

“	No, ultrasuede is a miracle. This is just good timing.	„
	~ John, when saving Homer and Bart's lives

“	Zzap!	„
	~ John, when he playfully points a toy gun at Homer

John is the owner of Cockamamie's Collectibles Shop, an offbeat store filled with various campy and vintage items.

Personality

John is friendly, playfully snarky, charming, knowledgable, and optimistic. Marge refers to him as "festive".

His interests include photography, celebrity scandals, and collecting toy robots. According to his personals ad in Virtual Springfield, he also likes painting, rollerblading, and loves kids. This is evident by his respectful treatment of Bart and Lisa. The kids also attest he likes Itchy & Scratchy as much as they do. Much of his interests (such as laser guns, toy robots, the Rex Mars Atomic Discombobulator, and the Sha-Boom Ka Boom! Cafe) seem adjacent to Atomic Age retro-futurism.

He is also rather personable and level-headed. For example, he politely proves Marge wrong when she insists on the value of her so-called "Civil War figurine". Similarly, he never takes Homer's ignorant comments or criticisms to heart, whether he is disparaging his career, his hobbies, or his sexuality. Instead, he treats Homer and his friends with empathy and kindness throughout his debut episode.

History

John drives what appears to be a yellow Thunderbird convertible, customized with a zebra-striped interior. This car is seen in both "Homer's Phobia" and "Haw-Haw Land".

John evaluating the value of Marge's novelty liquor bottle, while at work at Cockamamie's.

In an unknown year, he came under ownership/oversight of Cockamamie's Collectibles Shop, located at the Springfield Mall.

When Marge visits his store to pawn what she believes to be a valuable Civil War figurine, John calmly demonstrates it is nothing more than an early 1970s novelty liquor bottle (a J&R Whiskey Liquor Lads), which is practically worthless. Still, he quickly strikes up a friendship with Marge and the family, and Homer invites him over to evaluate items in the Simpsons' home.

While exploring their house later that day, John impresses the family with his warmth and enthusiasm, including Homer who takes a shine to him. They dance together to a 1978 vinyl record of Alicia Bridge's disco single, "I Love the Nightlife".

John offering Homer cactus candy, even after Homer derides his sexuality.

The following day, John invites the family on a driving tour of downtown Springfield, where he points out various spots of scandal interest, such as "where Kent Brockman was caught cheating in the Springfield Marathon"; and Plumbing Supplies, "where Lupe Velez bought the toilet she drowned in". John learns, however, that Homer did not attend the outing due to his fear of John's sexuality.

When he learns that Homer and his friends are in trouble, John arrives and uses a remote-controlled Japanese Santa Claus robot to scare off the reindeer. In so doing, he rescues Homer, Bart, Barney Gumble, and Moe Szyslak, earning Homer's respect. His act of bravery also impressed Barney Gumble, and Moe Szyslak, who claimed he would do "anything" for John (loudly repeating, "anything"). Yet they continue to use slurs such as "sissy" and Moe remarks that it's "suicide again for [him]" upon realizing that a gay man saved his life.

After Homer has sustained a severe beating from a group of reindeer, John saves him, scaring the reindeer off with a Japanese robot Santa Claus. With this act, he earns Homer's trust.

Relationships

Friends

Presumably, following the events of "Homer's Phobia", he is a family friend of the Simpsons. He has impressed Marge with his sense of humor & optimism; Bart with his space-age toy collection and free spirit; Lisa with his cultural knowledge; possibly Maggie; and Homer, by saving his life.

John confronted by his likely ex, Waylon Smithers, at Sha-Boom Ka-Boom! Cafe.

Partners

While dining with Marge and the Simpsons children at Sha-Boom Ka-Boom! Cafe, John is approached by Waylon Smithers, who seems displeased to see him. He asks John if this is his "sick mother", thereby hinting that John lied to cancel a previous engagement with Waylon. In response, John sing-songs, "Don't do this to me, Waylon", and looks aside with an embarrassed smile. This scene implies some type of complicated dating relationship with Waylon Smithers.

Behind the Laughter

John is voiced by and modeled after John Waters, although he is not the celebrity himself. He only has speaking lines in "Homer's Phobia". He is seen wearing Homer's "Pin Pals" shirt from "Team Homer", which he'd bought at Goodwill (inadvertently making it known that Marge had donated it there).

Upon inspecting Marge's antique, he tells her Johnny Reb bottle (a J & R Whiskey Liquor Lads) is worth no more than "two books of green stamps". This refers to S&H Green Stamps, a line of trading stamps popular in the United States until the late 1980s.

The character also had John Waters' trademark mustache, although it was altered to look wavy due to inherent difficulties in designing the mustache to look accurate to reality in his design, due to it resembling a line.

The 2023 John Waters: Pope of Trash traveling exhibit features an animation cel from the 1997 episode, signed by Matt Groening and gifted to Waters.

Oddly enough, a deleted scene for the episode found on the DVD "Potty Time" indicated that John was straight, or at the very least bisexual, as he ended up marrying Lureen at the Kwik-E-Mart, with Homer helping in setting them up to be married via a wedding minister (who would have been played by Alec Baldwin).

Gallery

Sharing cactus candy with Marge.

John driving the family home after Homer's near-death reindeer experience.

His Pin Pals shirt.

Dancing with Homer to "I Love the Nightlife".

With his wares, being asked by Homer how he could collect toys as a grown man.

John as he appears in The Fool Monty with blonde hair.

John's cameo in Haw-Haw Land's musical scene

John in an angry mob.

John alongside other shopkeepers like Señor Ding Dong (left) and Herman Hermann (back) in 24/7th Heaven

John, Selma, and Edna checking the skies after Kent Brockman forecasts "It's Raining Men."

John, with brown hair, on U.S. Male Service

The bottom personals ad from Virtual Springfield is almost certainly written by John, who describes himself as an "Errol Flynn" lookalike

Appearances

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• Episode – "Homer's Phobia"
• – The Simpsons Movie
• Episode – "The Fool Monty" Seen in background at town hall meeting with blonde hair
• Episode – "Flaming Moe" (Cameo) Seen in the crowd at Moe's speech
• Episode – "Haw-Haw Land" (non-speaking)
• Episode – "Portrait of a Lackey on Fire" (Photo seen on dating app)
• Book – The Simpsons Guide to Springfield
• Comic story – Anchormom
• Comic story – 24/7th Heaven