- “I'm going to lock you up until frogs do fractions!”
- ―Judge Constance Harm to Marge and Homer[src]
Judge Constance Harm J.D. is a sadistic and unforgiving disciplinarian. She enjoys creating cruel and unusual punishments for defendants in her court, whether or not they’re even criminals. Usually Judge Snyder resolves court cases, but Judge Harm has mainly been used for handing down negative verdicts, such as sentencing a family member to serve a prison term.
Biography and career
Harm is notorious for having a tougher than nails approach in how she runs her courtroom, and takes a dim view of people making personal remarks about her. For example, when Bart appealed a restraining order that Lisa had on him, he implied that Judge Harm had no sense of humor, and that was why she became a judge instead of finding a husband. Judge Harm indignantly retorted, "I have a husband!", and extended the restraining order on Bart from 20 feet to 200 feet, after he asked whether this spouse in question was “blind and deaf”.
Judge Harm was first seen when she filled in for Judge Snyder, who had just gone on vacation. She immediately established a complete contrast to Snyder's generally easy-going style: Judge Snyder kept a figurine of a fishing clown on his bench for an ornament, but Harm had a guillotine.
In spite of her often-harsh attitude, Judge Harm is a competent jurist and fluent in the law (though has placed sentences on people that a judge would never place on someone in real life, such as place a pair of people in wooden stocks to be hit by anyone, or increase the distance of a restraining order so much that the person must live outside). When Homer tried to declare bankruptcy and cited legal definitions to prove his point, Harm didn't buy it. She pointed out that he was referring to the old bankruptcy laws and thus still was required to pay his creditors. She then ordered him to get financial counseling. In addition, she also implied that she allowed Bart to be emancipated from Homer Simpson solely because even she was disgusted with Homer's actions to his son.
On another occasion when Bart appeared in her courtroom to defend his parents, she said to him, "You remind me of me, when I was a little boy." The revelation came as a shock to Snake: "Did she say she used to be a dude?" She reveals while she appreciated his honesty, Harm still had to lay down the law.
Harm also revoked Homer's driver's license after he drove his car off the dock (due to having so many accessories installed in his car that he wasn't paying attention to his driving). After Homer was rescued by the Coast Guard, he appeared in Harm's courtroom, where upon viewing the video evidence to what had transpired, she cut up Homer's license, guillotined the pieces, fed the remaining shards to a pair of dogs, and then ordered the court officers to "Burn their crap!"
When Marge tried to remove a restraining order Lisa put on Bart, Bart "defends himself" by saying that his sister had no sense of humor and stated "that's why you became a judge instead of finding a husband." Harm fired back, stating that she had a husband named Dwayne, in which Bart becomes shocked, and in his usual unaware of how what he says might come off agenda, says, "what is he, blind and deaf?" in which Harm then sets the restraining order from 20 feet to 200 feet (61 meters).
Behind the Laughter
- Judge Harm is a parody of TV's tough-as-nails, no-nonsense Judge Judy. One of Judge Judy's famous quotations is "Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining." Similarly, one of Judge Harm's sayings is "Don't spit on my cupcake and tell me it's frosting!"
- Harm's name is a pun on the phrase "Constant Harm", implying that she likes issuing cruel punishments to people in her courtroom.
"Don't spit on my cupcake and tell me it's frosting!”
“You remind me of myself... when I was a little boy.”
“I'm gonna lock you up till frogs do fractions!”
“Sorry, bub, that crow won't caw.”
- Episode – "The Parent Rap"
- Episode – "Brawl in the Family"
- Episode – "Barting Over"
- Episode – "Brake My Wife, Please"
- Episode – "The Wandering Juvie"
- Episode – "On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister"
- Episode – "Rome-Old and Julie-Eh"
- Episode – "Chief of Hearts"
- Episode – "Four Regrettings and a Funeral" (non-speaking)
- – The Simpsons Movie
- Episode – "You Don't Have to Live Like a Referee" (non-speaking)
- Episode – "Bull-E" (non-speaking)
- Episode – "Halloween of Horror" (non-speaking)
- Episode – "Todd, Todd, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?"
- Video game – The Simpsons Tapped Out
- Book – The Marge Book
- Episode – "The Man Who Grew Too Much" (non-speaking)