Dolph: Not quite. This is Krusty Brand Imitation Gruel. Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference!
Kids enter a rustic camp cabin
Lisa: This is a liitle more rustic than I expected.
Bart: I'm not worried, Lis. You know why? ['Bart wipes off grime to reveal a Krusty sticker] Because of this...the Krusty Brand Seal of Approval! You can only find it on products that meet the high personal standards of Krusty the Klown.
[Camera pans into seal, then pans away on identical seal in another room in a city far away from Kamp Krusty, presumably Springfield. Seal is now on a Krusty alarm clock. Krusty touches the clock and there is a noticable sizzle.]
Man: Oops! I should've warned you that clock gets incredibly hot if you leave it plugged in.
Krusty: That's okay.
[The camera pans to other defective merchandise such as a Krusty wall clock that says "hoo hoo ha ha" at an accelerated pace]
Krusty: Uh.. all this stuff is fine! Now I'm off to Wimbledon!
Lisa: I feel like I'm gonna die, Bart.
Bart: We're all gonna die, Lis.
Lisa: I meant soon.
Bart: So did I.
Lisa: [writing home] Dear Mom and Dad, I no longer fear hell, because I've been to Kamp Krusty.
Marge: [reading Lisa's letter] She complains now, but when we go to pick her up, she won't want to leave.
Bart: [holding on for his life in a wind storm] Lisa, I've been thinking it over. Next summer, I'm getting a job.
Mr. Black: Well, kids, I promised you a little treat in lieu of dinner, and here it is. The man who took an abandoned mule tannery, and turned it into a summer wonderland: Mr. Krusty the Clown!
Bart: [delusional] See, I told you Krusty would come just like I said! [chuckles] He's gonna bring us food and water, and smite our enemies!
[Instead of the real Krusty, it's a disheveled and crudely disguised Barney Gumble.]
Mr. Black: Now, I must tell you kids Krusty has laryngitis and a bad back, so he won't be saying anything or doing anything.
Milhouse: Krusty looks fat!
Lisa: He's really having trouble keeping his balance.
Mr. Black: Well, what do you think? I slapped a clown suit on some wino? [laughs nervously]
Barney: Yeah, Bart, I am so Crunchy the Clown! [belches]
Bart: All right, that's it! I've been scorched by Krusty before. I got a rapid heartbeat from his Krusty brand vitamins, my Krusty Kalculator didn't have a 7 or an 8, and Krusty's autobiography was self-serving with many glaring omissions. But this time, he's gone too far! WE WANT KRUSTY!
[The other kids join in and chant with Bart.]
Bart and Kids: WE WANT KRUSTY! WE WANT KRUSTY!
Barney: Yeah! We want Crunchy! We want Crunchy!
[A full-scale revolt breaks out, and Bart frees the fat-camp kids.]
Bart: My chunky brothers! Gorge yourselves at the trough of freedom!
[The fat-camp kids chow down in the cafeteria kitchen. Martin feeds directly from the gruel tub.]
[On TV, Kent Brockman reports about the chaos at Kamp Krusty.]
Kent Brockman: Ladies and Gentlemen, I have been to Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan, and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together. A group of school-aged Spartacuses have taken the camp by force. Three counselors are missing and presumed scared.
Bart: I just want the whole world to know that this was a really crappy camp. [covers microphone with his hand] Can I say 'crappy' on TV?
Kent: Yes, on this network you can.
[The real Krusty the Clown arrives at camp, but the kids don't believe it's really him.]
Krusty: I'm no fake! I'm the real Krusty!
Lisa: Oh, yeah!? Who played your daughter in the short-lived sitcom President Clown?
Krusty: I don't know her name, but she held up a liquor store last year.
Bart: Krusty! This camp was a nightmare! They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!
Krusty: Oh, my God!!
Bart: Well, actually, the bear just ate his hat.
Krusty: Was it a nice hat?
Bart: Oh, yeah.
Krusty: Oh, my God!! Well, I'm gonna make it all up to you. I'm gonna show you kids the time of your life.
Krusty: Get ready for two weeks at the happiest place on Earth: Tijuana!
Homer: Marge, am I crazy or is my back getting hairier?
Otto: All right! Three whole months of Spaghetti-O's and daytime TV!
Mrs. Krabappel: Here are your grades.
(She hands Bart his report card. He looks at it and notices he got an F- in all subjects)
Bart: Oh, no, Mrs. Krabappel. If I don't get a C average, my dad won't let me go to Kamp Krusty.
Mrs. Krabappel: Well, it isn't fair to the other children, but all right.
(She takes Bart's report card and changes his grade to a C average. Then she hands it back to him.)
Bart: Much obliged, doll.
(He smacks Krabappel's butt and she starts giggling)
Mrs. Krabappel: Oh, Bart Simpson, I'm gonna miss you.