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Kickin' It.jpg

Kickin' It: A Musical Journey through the Betty Ford Center is a fictional musical that Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie see in New York City in the episode "The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson". The music was written by Alf Clausen and Ken Keeler and the lyrics by Keeler. It is the seventeenth track on the album Go Simpsonic with The Simpsons. The "You're Checkin' In" part of the musical won both an Annie award for Outstanding Individual Achievement for Music in an Animated Television Production and an Emmy award for Outstanding Individual Achievement in Music and Lyrics in 1998.

Plot

The setting for the story is Los Angeles, based on a statement made by the Judge when sentencing the main character.

At some point, a certain defendant is hauled over to court, where he is found guilty of a huge slew of misdemeanors, including at a bare minimum disruption of the peace (both mayhem and varying freaked-out behavior that was both recent and chronic), indecent exposure, drinking and driving, as well as drug possession. As the defendant was both rich and famous in Los Angeles, and thus was essentially untouchable from the standard laws such as being sent to jail for his conduct, he was instead sentenced to check in to the Betty Ford Clinic and wean himself from drugs including pot, alcohol, pills, demerol, and "fun", with the orderlies also confiscating his aspirin, presumably to fully detox him. At least one part involved strapping down Liza Minnelli.

Lyrics

Prologue

Lisa:
Kickin' It: A Musical Journey Through the Betty Ford Center.
Marge:
You know, when I was a girl, I always dreamed of being in a Broadway audience.

The Song

Actor 1:
How do you find the defendant?
Actress:
He's guilty of mayhem, exposure indecent...
Actor 2:
Freaked-out behavior both chronic and recent...
Ensemble:
Drinking and driving, narcotics posession...
Actor 3:
And that's just page one of this ten-page confession.
Actor 1:
I should put you away where you can't kill or maim us,
But this is L.A. and you're rich and famous.
Actor 4:
I'm checkin' in.
Ensemble:
He's checkin' in.
Actor 4:
I'm checkin' in.
Ensemble:
Checkin', checkin' in.
Actor 4:mnm
No more pills or alcohol,
No more pot or demerol,
No more stinkin' fun at all.
I'm checkin' in.
Ensemble:
He's checkin' in.
He's checkin' in.
Actor 5:
No more lookin' pale and thin,
No more bugs beneath your skin.
Actor 4:
Hey, that's just my aspirin!
Ensemble:
Chuck it out!
You're checkin' in!

Epilogue

Bart:
When I grow up, I wanna be in the Betty Ford Center.
Marge:
Better start saving now, it's very expensive.
Lisa:
Shh! They're strapping down Liza Minnelli.

Trivia

  • The titular character featured in the musical is most likely a direct reference/parody of Julian Wells (portrayed by Robert Downey Jr.), a character in the 1987 film adaptation of the novel Less than Zero, in which drug addiction and debauchery are a major plot point. The attire worn by both characters are pretty much identical too.
  • One of the "doctors" in the musical resembles the NASA scientist in Deep Space Homer.
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