Ned: Sports on a Sunday? I'd better ask Reverend Love-
Lovejoy: Oh, just play the damn game, Ned!
The port-a-potty which Comic Book Guy is inside is knocked over.
Comic Book Guy: It appears I will have to find a new fortress of solitude.
Homer: If God didn't want us to eat in church, He would've made gluttony a sin.
Nelson: I don't think he can get up. Let's egg him!
Abe: Son, don't go up that mountain! You'll die up there, just like I did!
Powersauce Agent: And when he reaches the top, Mr. Simpson here will plant this Powersauce flag as an eternal symbol of man's contempt for nature!
Abe: I fell 8,000 feet onto a pile of jagged rocks! Of course, folks were tougher in those days. I was jitterbugging that very night.
Homer: Oh, Marge, how could you let me let myself go like this?
Marge: Me?! I'm not the one who puts butter in your coffee!
Homer: Well, let’s get started. (He begins to run to exercise, and later he is almost kneeling for exhaustion, and sees in the mailbox, "Flanders".) D'oh!
Marge: It's almost time for the church picnic.
Homer: What?! They had a picnic last week!
Marge: No, they didn't. You just brought a bucket of chicken to church.
Homer: How can you put that filth into your bodies?
Marge: My casserole is not filth. Eat it.
Homer: Look at you people! Bart's a tub, Lisa's weak as a little girl, and Maggie doesn't seem to be growing at all!
Marge: Now that's just not-
Homer: You too, Marge. If you toned up a little, you'd probably get a lot more action.
Marge: Homer, stop insulting us and eat your filth. Food! I mean food!
Marge: Has anyone mentioned that Homer doesn't know anything about mountain climbing, and that this is all crazy?
Powersauce Agent 1: Yo, yo, Rainier, my man! How you doin'? I thought you'd be here pumping those guns. We've come up with a killer promotion for Powersauce bars. Picture this. You-
Rainier Wolfcastle: I love it.
Powersauce Agent 1: -climb the highest mountain in Springfield.
Powersauce Agent 2: The Murderhorn.
Rainier Wolfcastle: Are you crazy? That's suicide!
Powersauce Agent 2: Sure, for experienced mountain climbers. But you're a movie star!
Bart: I'll need your underpants.
Homer: Alright, but don't lose them. They're my only pair.
Homer: I'm going to climb this entire mountain on my own!
Sherpa 1: Then technically, shouldn't you go back down and start all over?
Homer: Shut up! You are so fired.
(The Sherpas cartwheel their way down the mountain in delight)
Homer: Come on, you lazy Sherpas, wake up! We've got a mountain to climb.
Sherpa 1: He shouldn't kick us.
Sherpa 2: His toes will fall off soon.
Homer: Aw, damn it!
Sherpa 1: I foresaw your death last night.
Sherpa 2: Stop saying that!
Apu: So what will it be, Mr. Simpson? Your usual bucket of ice cream covered with miniature pies?
Homer: Uh, don't you have anything healthy here?
Apu: Oh, well, we do have some low-salt candy bars and some reduced-fat soda. And our beef jerky is now nearly rectum-free!
Homer: Gyme? What's a Gyme?
[Homer enters Gym]
Homer: [Realizing what a gym is] Oh, a Gyme!
Powersauce Agent: Brad, a word? New angle: Joe Schlub eats Powersauce bar, becomes world's mightiest man.
Brad: It's believable. That's what I like about it.
Homer: (reading) "Last entry. I have mountaineered to the utmost, but the peak is unclimbable. Worse still, that treacherous skunk Abe Simpson stole my oxygen, and tried to eat my left arm." Eew, Dad! "Tell my beloved wife my last thoughts were of her, blinding and torturing Abe Simpson. Cheerio."