Kirk Van Houten

Kirk Evelyn Van Houten
Gender/Sex
Status
AKA	Big Milhouse (by Moe Szyslak) Milhouse's Bald Mommy (by Rainier Wolfcastle)Dad (by Milhouse Van Houten
Hair Color	Blue, balding
Occupation	Unemployed Factory Worker (previous) Peanut Vendor (previous)
Relations	Parents: Unidentified and Unidentified Stepmother: Unidentified Brother: "Zack" Van Houten Brother or Brother-in-Law: Unidentified Cousin/Wife: Luann Van Houten Son: Milhouse Van Houten Daughter-in-Law (Future): Lisa Simpson Granddaughter (Future): Zia Simpson Niece/Nephew: Annika Van Houten and Milquetoast Van Houten Great Grandfather: Eustace Van Houten (Deceased) Uncle or First Cousin Once Removed: Unidentified Mother-in-Law: Nana Sophie Sister-in-Law: Unidentified Half Brother-in-Law: Bastardo See Other Relatives: Van Houten Family, Mussolini Family
First episode appearance	"Bart's Friend Falls in Love"
Portrayed by	Hank Azaria

"I don't like the idea of Milhouse having two spaghetti meals in one day."

―Kirk Van Houten.

Kirk Evelyn Van Houten is the unemployed and depressed husband ( and first cousin) of Luann Van Houten and the father of Milhouse Van Houten.

He is often viewed with contempt by most citizens of Springfield and is frequently seen as soft and weak-willed, although Kirk has proven that he can be a good person and friend in times of crisis.

Early Life and Marriage

Kirk served in the U.S. Army and graduated from Gudger College. He worked at his father-in-law's cracker factory, 'Southern Cracker', in middle management, but when Luann left him, he was fired from the factory. According to Luann, Kirk was not a very good provider, and she had to borrow money from her sister or steal clothes from the church donation box. He is of Dutch and Danish descent but favors the former. He bickers with his brother Norbert Van Houten, Milhouse's uncle, about the latter's Danish heritage.

Kirk's demo tape, "Can I Borrow a Feeling?"

Kirk After Divorce

Kirk's race car bed

After the divorce, Kirk was a stereotypical, middle-aged male loser and deadbeat dad, suffering depression after his divorce from Luann. He has been seen with one girlfriend since - Starla Starbeam, a chain-smoking alcoholic who stole his car. Luann got custody of Milhouse when they divorced, but Kirk had visitation rights. Much to his displeasure, Milhouse often addressed him as "Weekend Dad". At one point, during the Saint Patrick's Day Parade, due to a drunken Apu Nahasapeemapetilon's urging for all the attendees to "get naked", he attempted to strip down, citing that the party was just "getting started." However, he wasn't able to do more than take his shirt off before being alerted to Bart Simpson's drunken nature in the parade's most infamous moment. Kirk suffers from the need to cry all the time after his divorce, even in good times. He once cut his foot off to try to get Luann back. After being fired from the Cracker Factory, he struggled to hold down a job. He was once employed as an assistant to the guy who puts fliers under people's windshield wipers. Once, he was implied to have been fired from an unspecified job as a result of his arm being amputated and presumably sewn back on as a result of a failed attempt by the criminal Snake Jailbird trying to decapitate Homer in order to get his car back due to being seen in the unemployment office with his arm in a sling. Kirk also had a job standing on the curb holding a sign directing people to a condo development and worked as a scarecrow protecting a soy-bean crop, which resulted in his eye being gouged by a crow. Since being fired from the cracker company, Kirk seems to be unable to maintain a steady job. He attended Leavelle's Bodyguard Academy and he was also a singer who sold his tapes from the trunk of his car. His song was titled "Can I Borrow a Feeling" and the album featured a picture of Kirk on the front in a robe, which he was using in an attempt to be a smoking jacket. He was also unemployed at some point, surviving on alimony payments and unemployment benefits. In the episode "Days of Wine and D'oh'ses", Kirk is present at Barney's A.A. meeting. The episode was aired after Kirk and Luann divorced, suggesting that Kirk became an alcoholic after the divorce.

Arrest

He was once arrested for kidnapping. When Bart goes to a concert his parents banned him from, he hides at Kirk's apartment which leads to his arrest. Despite liking the attraction from the ladies outside the prison, he is released when Principal Skinner, Lisa and Alcatraaz find out Bart was lying.

Trivia

• He once had his right arm cut off by the wire that Snake Jailbird was using to decapitate Homer.
• His foot was cut off by Bart and Milhouse in order to help him get back together with Luann.
• He looks like a male Luann and some people wonder if they are related. However, in "Lemon of Troy", Luann reminds Kirk she was from Shelbyville, Springfield's bitter rival, which could mean one of two things:
  • Kirk was born in Springfield and married his Shelbyville counterpart. Shelbyville is a kind of bizarro Springfield in which alternate versions of Springfield residents exist. In "Lemon of Troy", Milhouse met his Shelbyville counterpart, almost identical except the other does not wear glasses.
  • Kirk and Luann are cousins who were both born in Shelbyville and married each other, probably explaining why their son Milhouse is so messed up. This follows Shelbyville custom, as the town was founded by early dissenting Springfielders who wanted to inbreed. Milhouse also says in "Let's Go Fly a Coot" that his parents were cousins and he turned out "fine" (air-quoted by his lizard tongue immediately after saying it), making this more likely.
• In "Little Orphan Millie" where Kirk and Luann planned to remarry, Bart constantly asked if they were actually siblings, explicitly mentioning their resemblance to one another.
  • Despite their remarriage, Kirk and Luann apparently still feuded to some extent, as Luann once locked him outside the house in the snow, and threatened Milhouse with taking away the latter's presents if he let Kirk in as he told Bart when the latter was making last requests in the event that he got caught by Sideshow Bob.
• In "Let's Go Fly a Coot", Milhouse tells Bart that both of his parents are indeed cousins.
• in "Kamp Krustier", it's shown that both Milhouse and Kirk has a bad habit of sucking their thumb which Luann disgusts.
• Kirk is 5 feet 10 inches (178 cm) and weighs 190 pounds (86 kg).
• Kirk apparently carries around a change purse based on his description of Luann's "bedtime stories" to Milhouse during their public spat that led to their divorce.
  • He apparently was also not fond of kids singing, based on his remark to Luann after Marge, in a desperate attempt to divert attention from the above, had Lisa come in to sing You're a Grand Old Flag.

Appearances

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• Episode – "Bart's Friend Falls in Love"
• Episode – "Marge vs. the Monorail"
• Episode – "Brother from the Same Planet"
• Episode – "Rosebud"
• Episode – "$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)"
• Episode – "Homer the Vigilante"
• Episode – "Bart Gets an Elephant"
• Episode – "Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy"
• Episode – "Radioactive Man"
• Episode – "Bart Sells His Soul"
• THOH – "Treehouse of Horror VI"
• Episode – "Bart on the Road"
• Episode – "22 Short Films About Springfield"
• Episode – "A Milhouse Divided"
• Episode – "Hurricane Neddy"
• Episode – "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment"
• Episode – "In Marge We Trust"
• Episode – "The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons"
• Episode – "Realty Bites"
• Episode – "Natural Born Kissers"
• Episode – "When You Dish Upon a Star"
• Episode – "Homer vs. Dignity"
• Episode – "Hungry, Hungry Homer"
• Episode – "The Parent Rap"
• Episode – "The Sweetest Apu"
• Episode – "Tales from the Public Domain"
• Episode – "Barting Over"
• Episode – "The Bart of War"
• Episode – "Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore"
• Episode – "Pranksta Rap"
• Episode – "Little Orphan Millie"
• Episode – "Wedding for Disaster"
• Episode – "Homer Scissorhands"
• Episode – "American History X-cellent"
• Episode – "The Squirt and the Whale"
• Episode – "The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants"
• Episode – "Hardly Kirk-ing"
• Episode – "Gorgeous Grampa"
• Episode – "Pulpit Friction"
• Episode – "The Fabulous Faker Boy"
• Episode – "The Saga of Carl"
• Episode – "Dangers on a Train"
• Episode – "Four Regrettings and a Funeral" (Seen at church and town square)
• Episode – "Yolo"
• Episode – "Labor Pains" (Seen in the Simpsons' backyard and house)
• Episode – "The War of Art"
• Episode – "Luca$"
• Episode – "Days of Future Future"
• Episode – "What to Expect When Bart's Expecting"
• Episode – "Brick Like Me"
• Episode – "Pay Pal" (Flashback)
• Episode – "Simpsorama" (Town Square)
• Episode – "Covercraft"
• Episode – "I Won't Be Home for Christmas"
• Episode – "Walking Big & Tall"
• Episode – "The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants"
• Episode – "Sky Police"
• Episode – "Waiting for Duffman"
• Episode – "Peeping Mom"
• Episode – "The Kids Are All Fight" (Flashback)
• Episode – "Let's Go Fly a Coot"
• Episode – "Mathlete's Feat"
• Episode – "Halloween of Horror"
• THOH – "Treehouse of Horror XXVI" (Homerzilla & Telepaths of Glory)
• Episode – "Friend with Benefit"
• Episode – "Paths of Glory"
• Episode – "Barthood"
• Episode – "Teenage Mutant Milk-caused Hurdles"
• Episode – "Lisa the Veterinarian" (Chlorine Dreams Indoor Water Park)
• Episode – "The Burns Cage" (Seen entering the school)
• Episode – "How Lisa Got Her Marge Back"
• Episode – "Fland Canyon"
• Episode – "Simprovised"
• Episode – "Orange is the New Yellow"
• THOH – "Treehouse of Horror XXVII"
• Episode – "Trust But Clarify"
• Episode – "There Will Be Buds"
• Episode – "Havana Wild Weekend"
• Episode – "Dad Behavior"
• Episode – "The Serfsons"
• Episode – "3 Scenes Plus a Tag from a Marriage" (flashback)
• Episode – "Fears of a Clown"
• Episode – "King Leer"
• Episode – "Throw Grampa from the Dane"
• Episode – "From Russia Without Love"
• Episode – "The Clown Stays in the Picture" (flashback)
• Episode – "Crystal Blue-Haired Persuasion"
• THOH – "Treehouse of Horror XXX"
• Episode – "Gorillas on the Mast"
• Episode – "Marge the Lumberjill"
• Episode – "Livin' La Pura Vida"
• Episode – "Frinkcoin"
• Episode – "Better Off Ned (episode)"
• Episode – "Highway to Well"
• Episode – "The Incredible Lightness of Being a Baby"
• Episode – "Warrin' Priests (Part Two)"
• Episode – "The Hateful Eight-Year-Olds" (seen on cruise)
• Episode – "The Way of the Dog"
• Episode – "Undercover Burns"
• Episode – "The Dad-Feelings Limited"
• Episode – "Yokel Hero"
• Episode – "Manger Things" (seen on Christmas card)
• Episode – "Mother and Child Reunion"
• Episode – "The Star of the Backstage"
• Episode – "Bart's In Jail!"
• Episode – "A Serious Flanders: Part One"
• Episode – "A Serious Flanders: Part Two"
• Episode – "Portrait of a Lackey on Fire"
• Episode – "The Longest Marge"
• Episode – "You Won't Believe What This Episode is About - Act Three Will Shock You!"
• Episode – "Bart the Cool Kid"
• Episode – "The Sound of Bleeding Gums"
• Episode – "My Octopus and a Teacher"
• Episode – "Meat is Murder"
• Episode – "Poorhouse Rock" (seen in church)
• Episode – "One Angry Lisa"
• Episode – "Lisa the Boy Scout"
• Episode – "Top Goon"
• Episode – "Hostile Kirk Place"
• Episode – "Pin Gal"
• Episode – "Write Off This Episode"
• Episode – "The Very Hungry Caterpillars"
• Episode – "Clown V. Board of Education"
• Episode – "Homer's Crossing"
• Episode – "A Mid-Childhood Night's Dream"
• Episode – "McMansion & Wife"
• THOH – "Treehouse of Horror XXXIV"
• Episode – "Iron Marge"
• Episode – "Murder, She Boat"
• Episode – "Clan of the Cave Mom"
• Episode – "Night of the Living Wage"
• Video game – The Simpsons Game
• Video game – The Simpsons: Tapped Out
• Comic book – Bart Simpson Comics #30

The Simpsons: Season Three
"Stark Raving Dad":	"Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington":	"When Flanders Failed":	"Bart the Murderer":	"Homer Defined":
Absent	Absent	Absent	Absent	Absent
"Like Father, Like Clown":	"Treehouse of Horror II":	"Lisa's Pony":	"Saturdays of Thunder":	"Flaming Moe's":
Absent	Absent	Absent	Absent	Absent
"Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk":	"I Married Marge":	"Radio Bart":	"Lisa the Greek":	"Homer Alone":
Absent	Absent	Absent	Absent	Absent
"Bart the Lover":	"Homer at the Bat":	"Separate Vocations":	"Dog of Death":	"Colonel Homer":
Absent	Absent	Absent	Absent	Absent
"Black Widower":	"The Otto Show":	"Bart's Friend Falls in Love":	"Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?":
Absent	Absent	Minor	Absent

The Simpsons: Season Four
"Kamp Krusty":	"A Streetcar Named Marge":	"Homer the Heretic":	"Lisa the Beauty Queen":	"Treehouse of Horror III":
Absent	Absent	Absent	Absent	Absent
"Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie":	"Marge Gets a Job":	"New Kid on the Block":	"Mr. Plow":	"Lisa's First Word":
Absent	Absent	Absent	Absent	Absent
"Homer's Triple Bypass":	"Marge vs. the Monorail":	"Selma's Choice":	"Brother from the Same Planet":	"I Love Lisa":
Absent	Cameo	Absent	Minor	Absent
"Duffless":	"Last Exit to Springfield":	"So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show":	"The Front":	"Whacking Day":
Absent	Absent	Absent	Absent	Absent
"Marge in Chains":	"Krusty Gets Kancelled":
Absent	Absent

The Simpsons: Season Five
"Homer's Barbershop Quartet":	"Cape Feare":	"Homer Goes to College":	"Rosebud":	"Treehouse of Horror IV":
Absent	Absent	Absent	Cameo	Absent
"Marge on the Lam":	"Bart's Inner Child":	"Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood":	"The Last Temptation of Homer":	"$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)":
Absent	Absent	Absent	Absent	Absent
"Homer the Vigilante":	"Bart Gets Famous":	"Homer and Apu":	"Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy":	"Deep Space Homer":
Cameo	Absent	Absent	Absent	Absent
"Homer Loves Flanders":	"Bart Gets an Elephant":	"Burns' Heir":	"Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song":	"The Boy Who Knew Too Much":
Cameo	Minor	Cameo	Absent	Absent
"Lady Bouvier's Lover":	"Secrets of a Successful Marriage":
Cameo	Absent

The Simpsons: Season Six
"Bart of Darkness":	"Lisa's Rival":	"Another Simpsons Clip Show":	"Itchy & Scratchy Land":	"Sideshow Bob Roberts":
Absent	Absent	Absent	Absent	Cameo
"Treehouse of Horror V":	"Bart's Girlfriend":	"Lisa on Ice":	"Homer Badman":	"Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy":
Absent	Cameo	Absent	Absent	Minor
"Fear of Flying":	"Homer the Great":	"And Maggie Makes Three":	"Bart's Comet":	"Homie the Clown":
Absent	Cameo	Absent	Cameo	Minor
"Bart vs. Australia":	"Homer vs. Patty and Selma":	"A Star is Burns":	"Lisa's Wedding":	"Two Dozen and One Greyhounds":
Absent	Absent	Absent	Absent	Cameo
"The PTA Disbands":	"'Round Springfield":	"The Springfield Connection":	"Lemon of Troy":	"Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part One)":
Minor	Absent	Absent	Minor	Cameo

The Simpsons: Season Seven
"Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part Two)":	"Radioactive Man":	"Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily":	"Bart Sells His Soul":	"Lisa the Vegetarian":
Absent	Minor	Absent	Minor	Absent
"Treehouse of Horror VI":	"King-Size Homer":	"Mother Simpson":	"Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming":	"The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular":
Cameo	Absent	Absent	Absent	Absent
"Marge Be Not Proud":	"Team Homer":	"Two Bad Neighbors":	"Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield":	"Bart the Fink":
Absent	Absent	Cameo	Absent	Cameo
"Lisa The Iconoclast":	"Homer The Smithers":	"The Day The Violence Died":	"A Fish Called Selma":	"Bart on the Road":
Absent	Absent	Absent	Absent	Minor
"22 Short Films About Springfield":	"Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"":	"Much Apu About Nothing":	"Homerpalooza":	"Summer of 4 Ft. 2":
Minor	Absent	Cameo	Absent	Absent

The Simpsons: Season Nine
"The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson":	"The Principal and the Pauper":	"Lisa's Sax":	"Treehouse of Horror VIII":	"The Cartridge Family":
Absent	Cameo	Absent	Cameo	Cameo
"Bart Star":	"The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons":	"Lisa the Skeptic":	"Realty Bites":	"Miracle on Evergreen Terrace":
Cameo	Minor	Cameo	Minor	Cameo
"All Singing, All Dancing":	"Bart Carny":	"The Joy of Sect":	"Das Bus":	"The Last Temptation of Krust":
Absent	Absent	Cameo	Cameo	Cameo
"Dumbbell Indemnity":	"Lisa the Simpson":	"This Little Wiggy":	"Simpson Tide":	"The Trouble with Trillions":
Absent	Cameo	Absent	Absent	Cameo
"Girly Edition":	"Trash of the Titans":	"King of the Hill":	"Lost Our Lisa":	"Natural Born Kissers":
Absent	Cameo	Absent	Absent	Absent

The Simpsons: Season Ten
"Lard of the Dance":	"The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace":	"Bart the Mother":	"Treehouse of Horror IX":	"When You Dish Upon a Star":
Absent	Absent	Absent	Cameo	Minor
"D'oh-in' in the Wind":	"Lisa Gets an "A"":	"Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble"":	"Mayored to the Mob":	"Viva Ned Flanders":
Absent	Cameo	Absent	Cameo	Absent
"Wild Barts Can't Be Broken":	"Sunday, Cruddy Sunday":	"Homer to the Max":	"I'm with Cupid":	"Marge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers"":
Minor	Cameo	Cameo	Absent	Cameo
"Make Room for Lisa":	"Maximum Homerdrive":	"Simpsons Bible Stories":	"Mom and Pop Art":	"The Old Man and the "C" Student":
Absent	Absent	Cameo	Absent	Cameo
"Monty Can't Buy Me Love":	"They Saved Lisa's Brain":	"Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo":
Cameo	Cameo	Cameo

The Simpsons: Season Eleven
"Beyond Blunderdome":	"Brother's Little Helper":	"Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?":	"Treehouse of Horror X":	"E-I-E-I-D'oh":
Cameo	Cameo	Cameo	Cameo	Cameo
"Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder":	"Eight Misbehavin'":	"Take My Wife, Sleaze":	"Grift of the Magi":	"Little Big Mom":
Cameo	Cameo	Absent	Cameo	Absent
"Faith Off":	"The Mansion Family":	"Saddlesore Galactica":	"Alone Again, Natura-Diddily":	"Missionary: Impossible":
Cameo	Absent	Absent	Minor	Absent
"Pygmoelian":	"Bart to the Future":	"Days of Wine and D'oh'ses":	"Kill the Alligator and Run":	"Last Tap Dance in Springfield":
Cameo	Absent	Minor	Absent	Cameo
"It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge":	"Behind the Laughter":
Absent	Absent

Gallery

The full image gallery for Kirk Van Houten may be viewed at Kirk Van Houten/Gallery.