The Boy Who Knew Too Much
Lady Bouvier's Lover
Secrets of a Successful Marriage
(after having danced with Mr.Burns in a Nightclub)
Jacqueline: Why Monty, you're the devil himself.
Mr. Burns: WHO TOLD YOU THA- oh yes. Excellent.

Marge: You know, Mom, you and Abe have a lot in common.
Jacqueline: Um-- Hmm.
Marge: You both got swindled by that telemarketing scam.
Jacqueline: Oh, it's not a swindle. What you do is, see, you give them all your credit card numbers, and if one of them is lucky they'll send you a prize.

Mr. Burns: She said no to me! Do you know how many women have said no to me? 130, but only one since I've become a billionaire!

Mr. Burns: Smithers, come over here and help me write a mash note to my girlfriend.
Smithers: Fine. (woefully) Darling one, read my words and hear my heart speak of a love soft and undying. Love that with you always. (beat, offhand) Sincerely, yadda-yadda-yadda.
Mr. Burns: That's marvelous! How did you think of that so fast?
Smithers: I...said it to you on your birthday. (wipes a tear) Excuse me, I have something in my eye!

Bart: (imitates Grampa and Jacqueline) Don't forget the Smeckler's powder.
Grampa and Jacqueline: Don't make fun!

Marge: I have a neat idea. Why don't you get my mother and we can go out to dinner?
Grampa: I'll be back in a jiffy! (gets an old lady in a wheelchair)
Marge: That's not my mother!
Grampa: I'll be back in a jiffy! (leaves again)
Old Lady: Can I come too? (Homer rolls up his car window) (sadly) Oh.

Homer: Marge, please, old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
Marge: Homer, would you please stop reading that Ross Perot pamphlet?

Grampa: I'm gonna smooch her like a mule eating an apple!

Grampa: You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to.

Marge: [about Mr. Burns] He's an awful, awful, awful man! But I guess if he makes Mom happy, that's all that really matters.
Homer: That's right, money. Your money's happiness is all that moneys.

(Bart answers the door)
Deliveryman #1: Yeah, hi. I got a special delivery for Homer Simpson.
Bart: That's me.
Deliveryman #1: (punches Bart in the face.) Don't write no more letters to Mr. Sinatra.
(The doorbell rings Bart answers it)
Squeaky-voiced Teen: I got a special delivery for Homer Simpson.
Bart: Uh that's me.
Squeaky-voiced Teen: (punches Bart in the face) Stop stealing golf balls from the driving range!
(The doorbell rings)
Deliveryman #2: (through the door) Homer Simpson! I've got a uh.. special delivery for you.
Bart: Go away.
Deliveryman #2: If you do not open the door, Mr. Simpson, I cannot give you your special delivery.
(Bart sees it's his animation cell that he ordered)
Deliveryman #2: Here's your special delivery.
Bart: Thanks...
Deliveryman #2: (punches Bart in the face) And that's for keeping me waiting.

Homer: Well, I'm opposed to the whole thing! Damn opposed!
Bart: He's damn opposed! Damn damn damn opposed!

Bart: You know, Grandma really likes it when her boyfriends are nice to me. She especially likes it when they give me money.

Homer: Maggie, can you point to the monkey? [Maggie points at Homer] Pfft, what do babies know.
Lisa: Maggie, can you point to the credenza? [Maggie correctly points at the credenza]
Homer: D'OH!

Marge: Homer, you didn't do a very good job frosting Maggie's birthday cake.
Homer: What, it's not Magaggie's birthday? [pauses and looks at the incorrectly-frosted cake] Oh. [removes the extra A and G, followed by the other letters in "MAGAGGIE", and eats them]
Marge: Hey, hey, hey! Stop it! I made a special cake for you to ruin. It's over there. [points at a cake covered in various letters]
Homer: Ooh. [starts removing and eating the letters]

Patty: Hello everyone except Homer.

(Matlock gets a defibrillator used on him)
Jasper: What's the matter, Abe? All week you were talking about meeting Matlock, now you've met him, swiped his pills...
(An ambulance drives past)
Paramedic: Clear!
Homer: If he marries your mother, Marge, we'll be brother and sister! And our kids will be horrible freak things with pink skin, no overbites, and five fingers on each hand! [imagines Bart, Lisa and Maggie turning from yellow "monsters" to white humans.]
Maggie: [sucks her pacifier]
Homer: [Screams]

Grampa: I feel all funny [gasps] I'm in love-- no wait, it's a stroke.
[He is sent to hospital by ambulance, Abe recovers]
Grampa: NO WAIT, IT IS LOVE! [the ambulance stops and ditches him to a highway]. IT IS LOOOVE!... [rolls away to the busy traffic.]

Season 4 Season 5 Quotes Season 6
Homer's Barbershop QuartetCape FeareHomer Goes to CollegeRosebudTreehouse of Horror IVMarge on the LamBart's Inner ChildBoy-Scoutz 'n the HoodThe Last Temptation of Homer$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)Homer the VigilanteBart Gets FamousHomer and ApuLisa vs. Malibu StacyDeep Space HomerHomer Loves FlandersBart Gets an ElephantBurns' HeirSweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss SongThe Boy Who Knew Too MuchLady Bouvier's LoverSecrets of a Successful Marriage
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