The Telltale Head
Life on the Fast Lane
Homer's Night Out
(Bart and Lisa object about which birthday present Marge likes better.)
Bart: She likes mine better.
Lisa: Oh yeah? Then how come she's not wearing any of your perfume?
Bart: Oh yeah, Hey mom? Why aren't you wearing any of the perfume?
Marge: Erm, I was saving it... for a special occasion.
Bart: What the hell are you talkin' about? There's gallons of it!
Marge: Well, this day is already so special, that if we made it any more special, we might end up making it less special.
Bart: Ahh, gotcha. Told you she likes mine better.
Lisa: Oh, brother.
Homer: Hold on, hold on now. Your mother hasn't opened my present yet.

Waiters: (singing to Marge) Happy birthday to you/Happy birthday to you/Happy 34th birthday Mrs. Homer Simpson/Happy birthday to-o-o-o yo-o-o-o-ou
[As Homer present his wife her present, the bottom of the present gives way revealing a bowling ball that falls on her birthday cake. Everyone is surprised except for Patty and Selma who realize that Homer has been thoughtless as usual]
Homer: Don't worry, this frosting will come right off.
[Homer is looking at the ball, while Marge is furious with him for getting her another thoughtless gift.]
Homer: Beauty, isn't she?
Marge: Well, it's hard for me to judge, since I never bowled in my life!
Homer: Well, if you don't want it, I know someone who does.
[Marge huffs out a surviving candle, extremely outraged with Homer once again for ruining her birthday.]

Jacques: It is nice to meet you.... (looks at name engraved on her ball) Homer.
Marge: Oh, no, no. Homer's my ball's name. I'm Marge.
(it is shown on a projection screen with Jacques surveying her fingers)
Jacques: Your fingers are so slender, so feminine. They're far too tapered for the ball you're using. You need something lighter. More delicate. Here. Use my ball.
Marge: No. No, thank you, Mr., um, (looks at name engraved on his ball) Brunswick.
Jacques: Call me Jacques.
Marge: Jacques.
Jacques: Marge.

(Marge bowls a strike with Jacques' instruction.)
Marge: You're a very good teacher.
Jacques: Yes, I am a very good teacher, and I can teach you everything. I can tell you what the little arrows on the wood floor mean, which frame is the beer frame. I bet you don't know how to make a five-seven-ten split. Do you Marge?
Marge: Hmmm, no.
Jacques: Well, first of all, you yell, "The eight-pin is a cop!"
[Marge starts laughing]
Jacques: Let it out, Marge. Laugh loud.

[Marge does so]

Jacques: Laugh out loud, you'll lose weight.

Marge: Oh, that's very funny.

Jacques: Feels good.

Marge: Gee, I didn't realise there was so much to this game. What do you charge for lessons?

Jacques: $25.

Marge Simpson: [a bit taken aback] $25?

Jacques: It's a $40 value.

Marge: Well, alright. When do we start?

Jacques: [leans in seductively] We have already begun.

(last lines; complete with a "An Officer And A Gentleman" referenced ending)
Homer: Uh, huh? Hmm? Marge! What a lovely surprise! You're here to see me, right?
Marge: Of course! (hugs Homer; Homer carries her in his arms)
(Homer's coworkers cheer)
Lenny: Hey! Way to go, Homer! Way to go!
Power Plant Employee: Hey, what do I tell the boss?
Homer: Tell him I'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

Shorts: Season 3 Season 1 Quotes Season 2
Simpsons Roasting on an Open FireBart the GeniusHomer's OdysseyThere's No Disgrace Like HomeBart the GeneralMoaning LisaThe Call of the SimpsonsThe Telltale HeadLife on the Fast LaneHomer's Night OutThe Crepes of WrathKrusty Gets BustedSome Enchanted Evening
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