Lisa: Oh yeah? Then how come she's not wearing any of your perfume?
Bart: Oh yeah, Hey mom? Why aren't you wearing any of the perfume?
Marge: Erm, I was saving it... for a special occasion.
Bart: What the hell are you talkin' about? There's gallons of it!
Marge: Well, this day is already so special, that if we made it any more special, we might end up making it less special.
Bart: Ahh, gotcha. Told you she likes mine better.
Lisa: Oh, brother.
Homer: Hold on, hold on now. Your mother hasn't opened my present yet.
Waiters: (singing to Marge) Happy birthday to you/Happy birthday to you/Happy 34th birthday Mrs. Homer Simpson/Happy birthday to-o-o-o yo-o-o-o-ou
[As Homer present his wife her present, the bottom of the present gives way revealing a bowling ball that falls on her birthday cake. Everyone is surprised except for Patty and Selma who realize that Homer has been thoughtless as usual]
Homer: Don't worry, this frosting will come right off.
[Homer is looking at the ball, while Marge is furious with him for getting her another thoughtless gift.]
Homer: Beauty, isn't she?
Marge: Well, it's hard for me to judge, since I never bowled in my life!
Homer: Well, if you don't want it, I know someone who does.
[Marge huffs out a surviving candle, extremely outraged with Homer once again for ruining her birthday.]
Jacques: It is nice to meet you.... (looks at name engraved on her ball) Homer.
Marge: Oh, no, no. Homer's my ball's name. I'm Marge.
(it is shown on a projection screen with Jacques surveying her fingers)
Jacques: Your fingers are so slender, so feminine. They're far too tapered for the ball you're using. You need something lighter. More delicate. Here. Use my ball.
Marge: No. No, thank you, Mr., um, (looks at name engraved on his ball) Brunswick.
Jacques: Call me Jacques.
(Marge bowls a strike with Jacques' instruction.)
Marge: You're a very good teacher.
Jacques: Yes, I am a very good teacher, and I can teach you everything. I can tell you what the little arrows on the wood floor mean, which frame is the beer frame. I bet you don't know how to make a five-seven-ten split. Do you Marge?
Marge: Hmmm, no.
Jacques: Well, first of all, you yell, "The eight-pin is a cop!"
[Marge starts laughing]
Jacques: Let it out, Marge. Laugh loud.
[Marge does so]
Jacques: Laugh out loud, you'll lose weight.
Marge: Oh, that's very funny.
Jacques: Feels good.
Marge: Gee, I didn't realise there was so much to this game. What do you charge for lessons?
Marge Simpson: [a bit taken aback] $25?
Jacques: It's a $40 value.
Marge: Well, alright. When do we start?
Jacques:[leans in seductively] We have already begun.
(last lines; complete with a "An Officer And A Gentleman" referenced ending)
Homer: Uh, huh? Hmm? Marge! What a lovely surprise! You're here to see me, right?
Marge: Of course! (hugs Homer; Homer carries her in his arms)
(Homer's coworkers cheer)
Lenny: Hey! Way to go, Homer! Way to go!
Power Plant Employee: Hey, what do I tell the boss?
Homer: Tell him I'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!