(Lisa's First Word/Quotes) Tags: Visual edit apiedit |
No edit summary Tags: Visual edit apiedit |
||
| Line 5: | Line 5: | ||
{{Spacer}} |
{{Spacer}} |
||
| − | :('' |
+ | :(''seeing Homer and Marge having sex)'' |
:'''Baby Bart''': Ay, caramba! |
:'''Baby Bart''': Ay, caramba! |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Baby [[Lisa]]''': "Bart!" |
| + | :'''Toddler [[Bart]]''': "What did you say?" |
||
| − | |||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Baby Lisa''': "Bart?" |
| + | :'''Bart''': "Suffering succotash! You can talk! ''[runs downstairs]'' Mom! Dad! She can talk! Say it again, Lisa." |
||
| − | |||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Baby Lisa''': "Bart! Bart, Bart, Bart, Bart, Bart." |
| + | :'''Bart''': "''I'm'' her first word!" |
||
| − | |||
| − | : |
+ | :'''[[Marge]]''': "Well, I'm not surprised. Lisa's crazy about you. She thinks you hung the moon." |
| + | :'''Bart''': "Wow! ''[to Lisa]'' Lisa. Can you say 'Mommy'?" |
||
| − | |||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Baby Lisa''': "Mommy." |
| + | :'''Bart''': "Can you say 'David Hasslehoff'?" |
||
| − | |||
| + | :'''Baby Lisa''': "Dabid Hasslehoff." ''[giggles]'' |
||
| − | : '''Bart''': "''I'm'' her first word!" |
||
| + | :'''[[Homer]]''': "Can you say 'Daddy'?" |
||
| − | |||
| + | :'''Baby Lisa''': "Homer." |
||
| − | : '''[[Marge]]''': "Well, I'm not surprised. Lisa's crazy about you. She thinks you hung the moon." |
||
| + | :'''Homer''': "No, sweetie. 'Daddy'." |
||
| − | |||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Baby Lisa''': ''[pause]'' "Homer." |
| + | :'''Homer''': "D'oh!" |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Baby Lisa''': "Mommy." |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Bart''': "Can you say 'David Hasslehoff'?" |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Baby Lisa''': "Dabid Hasslehoff." ''[giggles]'' |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''[[Homer]]''': "Can you say 'Daddy'?" |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Baby Lisa''': "Homer." |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer''': "No, sweetie. 'Daddy'." |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Baby Lisa''': ''[pause]'' "Homer." |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer''': "D'oh!" |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| − | : |
+ | :''[While [[Bart]] and [[Lisa]] argue, [[Homer]] puts [[Maggie]] to bed.]'' |
| + | :'''Homer''': "You know, Maggie. The sooner kids learn to talk, the sooner they talk back. ''[puts Maggie in her crib]'' I hope you never say a word." |
||
| − | : |
+ | :''[Homer leaves the room, closing the door behind him. Maggie takes her pacifier out of her mouth.]'' |
| + | :'''Maggie''': "Daddy." |
||
| − | |||
| − | : ''[Homer leaves the room, closing the door behind him. Maggie takes her pacifier out of her mouth.]'' |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Maggie''': "Daddy." |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Marge''': Maggie, can you say ba-ba? Can you say mama? |
| + | :'''Bart''': Can you say get bent? |
||
| − | |||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Marge''': Bart! |
| + | :'''Bart''': Mister Rogers says it all the time! |
||
| − | |||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Marge''': No, he doesn't. |
| + | :'''Bart''': Yes, he does. |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Bart''': Mister Rogers says it all the time! |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Marge''': No, he doesn't. |
||
| − | : Bart: Yes, he does. |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Homer''': Maggie, can you say daddy? Daddy? |
| + | :'''Marge''': Kitty. Kitty. |
||
| − | |||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Lisa''': Be-bop. Be-bop. |
| + | :'''Bart''': Shove it. Shove it. |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Lisa''': Be-bop. Be-bop. |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Bart''': Shove it. Shove it. |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Marge''': According to Fretful Mother Magazine, if Maggie doesn't talk at age 1, we should consider a corrective tongue extender. |
---- |
---- |
||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Bart''': Homer! |
| + | :'''Homer''': Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh. Homer's what grownups call me. Call me daddy. |
||
| − | |||
| + | :'''Bart''': Homer. |
||
| − | : '''Homer''': Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh. Homer's what grownups call me. Call me daddy. |
||
| + | :'''Homer''': Daddy. |
||
| − | |||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Bart''': Homer. |
| + | :'''Homer''': [becoming increasingly irate] Daddy. |
||
| − | |||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Bart''': Da...da...da... |
| + | :'''Homer''': Yes? |
||
| − | |||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Bart''': D'omer! Hah, hah, hah... |
| + | :'''Homer''': Why, you little...! [chokes Bart] |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer''': [becoming increasingly irate] Daddy. |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Bart''': Da...da...da... |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer''': Yes? |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Bart''': D'omer! Hah, hah, hah... |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer''': Why, you little...! [chokes Bart] |
||
| − | |||
| − | : ''When Homer, Marge and Bart move into their new home'' |
||
| − | : '''Bart: '''Hey, Homer, this house sucks! |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer: '''Bart, I thought I told you not to use that word! Call me Daddy. |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Bart: '''Homer! ''(blows raspberry at him)'' |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer: '''Bart! ''(begins strangling him)'' |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| + | :''When Homer, Marge and Bart move into their new home'' |
||
| − | : '''Marge''' [telling Bart a bedtime story]: Then the prince and the princess...[yawn] got married and lived happily ever after. |
||
| + | :'''Bart''': Hey, Homer, this house sucks! |
||
| − | |||
| + | :'''Homer''': Bart, I thought I told you not to use that word! Call me Daddy. |
||
| − | : '''Bart''': Then what happened? |
||
| + | :'''Bart''': Homer! ''(blows raspberry at him)'' |
||
| − | |||
| + | : '''Homer''': Bart! ''(begins strangling him)'' |
||
| − | : '''Marge''': Uh...they had 30 sons and thirty daughters. |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Bart''': What were their names? |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Marge''': Hmm...Dennis...Brad...Mavis...Brad...[falls asleep] |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| + | :'''Marge''': [telling Bart a bedtime story]: Then the prince and the princess...[yawn] got married and lived happily ever after. |
||
| − | : '''Homer''': Got your nose! Heh heh heh. |
||
| + | :'''Bart''': Then what happened? |
||
| − | |||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Marge''': Uh...they had 30 sons and thirty daughters. |
| + | :'''Bart''': What were their names? |
||
| + | :'''Marge''': Hmm...Dennis...Brad...Mavis...Brad...[falls asleep] |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| + | :'''Homer''': Got your nose! Heh heh heh. |
||
| − | : '''Marge''': There's going to be twice as much love in this house as there is now! |
||
| + | :'''Bart''': Got your wallet! [flushes it down toilet] |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer''': We're going to start doing it in the morning? |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Marge''': There's going to be twice as much love in this house as there is now! |
| + | :'''Homer''': We're going to start doing it in the morning? |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer''': No, we won't. I've got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's crib and Bart'll sleep with us until he's 21. |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Marge''': Won't that warp him? |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer''': My cousin Frank did it. |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Marge''': You don't have a cousin Frank. |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer''': He became Francine back in '76. Then he joined that cult. I think his name is Mother Shabubu now. |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Marge''': I'm afraid we're going to need a bigger house. |
| − | |||
| − | : '''Bart''' [singing]: I'm a little teapot short and stout, this is my handle this is my spout. The incy wincy spider went up the water spout... |
||
| + | :'''Homer''': No, we won't. I've got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's crib and Bart'll sleep with us until he's 21. |
||
| − | : '''Selma''': Oh yeah! Love that spout medley. |
||
| + | :'''Marge''': Won't that warp him? |
||
| + | :'''Homer''': My cousin Frank did it. |
||
| + | :'''Marge''': You don't have a cousin Frank. |
||
| + | :'''Homer''': He became Francine back in '76. Then he joined that cult. I think his name is Mother Shabubu now. |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Selma''': Hey Bart, want a dollar? Uh uh uh, you know what I wanna hear. |
| + | :'''Bart''' [singing]: I'm a little teapot short and stout, this is my handle this is my spout. The incy wincy spider went up the water spout... |
||
| − | |||
| + | :'''Selma''': Oh yeah! Love that spout medley. |
||
| − | : '''Real Estate Agent''': Actually, according to the will, the cats own the house. You'd be their tenants! |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Homer''': Once we get the cats out of the way, it won't be too bad. |
| + | :'''Real Estate Agent''': Actually, according to the will, the cats own the house. You'd be their tenants! |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Bart''': I could've trained them to be my unholy army of the night. Go, my pretties! Kill! Kill! |
||
| − | |||
---- |
---- |
||
| + | :'''Lisa''': I wish we lived in the kitty house. |
||
| − | |||
| + | :'''Bart''': I could've trained them to be my unholy army of the night. Go, my pretties! Kill! Kill! |
||
| − | : '''Real Estate Agent''': Here we have beautiful hard wood floor, track lighting. |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Marge''': What's that stench? |
||
| − | |||
| − | : ''[Marge opens up window to see a factory]'' |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Sign''': Rendering Plant |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Real Estate Agent''': Once you get used to the smell of melted hog fat, you'll wonder how you ever did without it |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer''': Mmmm...hog fat. |
||
| − | : '''Marge''': Let's keep looking. |
||
| − | |||
| − | : ''[Cut to factory]'' |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Factory worker: '''Ooh, do you smell that? |
||
| − | |||
| − | : ''[Homer goes to the rendering plant to see the hog fat]'' |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Real Estate Agent''': Here we have beautiful hard wood floor, track lighting. |
| + | :'''Marge''': What's that stench? |
||
| − | |||
| + | :''[Marge opens up window to see a factory]'' |
||
| − | : '''Grampa''': Why did you come to me? I really don't know nothin'. I used to get by on my looks. Now they're gone... withered away like an old piece of fruit. (Sobs) |
||
| + | :'''Sign''': Rendering Plant |
||
| − | |||
| + | :'''Real Estate Agent''': Once you get used to the smell of melted hog fat, you'll wonder how you ever did without it |
||
| − | : '''Homer''': Are you done? |
||
| + | :'''Homer''': Mmmm...hog fat. |
||
| − | |||
| + | :'''Marge''': Let's keep looking. |
||
| − | : '''Grampa''': No, not yet! I was voted the handsomest boy in Albany, New York! |
||
| + | :''[Cut to factory]'' |
||
| − | |||
| + | :'''Factory worker: '''Ooh, do you smell that? |
||
| − | : '''Homer''': Dad, I don't need advice! I want $15,000 to buy a home! |
||
| + | :''[Homer goes to the rendering plant to see the hog fat]'' |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Grampa''': Oh, well. All I own is this house, that I built with my own two hands! |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer''': You didn't build this house! You won it on a crooked 50's game show! |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Grampa''': I ratted on everybody and got off scot-free! |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Homer''': Dad, I have a problem. |
| + | :'''Grampa''': Why did you come to me? I really don't know nothin'. I used to get by on my looks. Now they're gone... withered away like an old piece of fruit. (sobs) |
||
| − | |||
| + | :'''Homer''': Are you done? |
||
| − | : '''Homer''': Dad, first you gave me life, now you've given me a home for my family, I'd be honored if you came to live with us. |
||
| + | :'''Grampa''': No, not yet! I was voted the handsomest boy in Albany, New York! |
||
| − | |||
| + | :'''Homer''': Dad, I don't need advice! I want $15,000 to buy a home! |
||
| − | : '''Grampa''': Thank you! |
||
| + | :'''Grampa''': Oh, well. All I own is this house, that I built with my own two hands! |
||
| − | |||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Homer''': You didn't build this house! You won it on a crooked 50's game show! |
| + | :'''Grampa''': I ratted on everybody and got off scot-free! |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer''': About three weeks. |
||
| − | |||
| − | : [everyone laughs] |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Grampa''': All right, son, I'll sell this dump and write you a check. |
| + | :'''Homer''': Dad, first you gave me life, now you've given me a home for my family, I'd be honored if you came to live with us. |
||
| − | |||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Grampa''': Thank you! |
| + | :'''Bart''': [in the present] So how long before you shipped Grampa off to the old-folks home? |
||
| − | |||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Homer''': About three weeks. |
| + | :[everyone laughs] |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer''': Nah, you don't want to hear that story. I know. I'll tell you about the time I got locked in the bank vault with Mr. Mooney. It was another one of my harebrained schemes. |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Lisa''': Dad! |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer''': Wait a minute. That was "The Lucy Show." |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Lisa''': When do we get to my first word? |
| + | :'''Homer''': Your what? |
||
| − | |||
| + | :'''Lisa''': My first word! |
||
| − | : '''Bart''': Mom was preggers and Dad threw all our money down a sink hole. |
||
| + | :'''Homer''': Nah, you don't want to hear that story. I know. I'll tell you about the time I got locked in the bank vault with Mr. Mooney. It was another one of my harebrained schemes. |
||
| + | :'''Lisa''': Dad! |
||
| + | :'''Homer''': Wait a minute. That was "The Lucy Show." |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| + | :'''Homer''': Okay, where were we? |
||
| − | : '''Ned''': If you need anything just give a whistle. |
||
| + | :'''Bart''': Mom was preggers and Dad threw all our money down a sink hole. |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer''': I could use a Television tray. |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Ned''': Well, gee... |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer''': What? |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Ned''': Uh, I just this minute bought it at the hardware... |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer''': You said "anything". |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Ned''': Heh, sure, you can borrow it for...a little while. |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer''': [in the present] And that little while is now 8 years and counting. Heh, heh, heh. |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| + | :'''Ned''': If you need anything just give a whistle. |
||
| − | : '''Bart''' [during his "terrible two's" phase; he's banging pans and chanting while Marge is resting in her bedroom with a washcloth on her forehead]: I am so great! I am so great! Everyone loves me, I am so great! |
||
| + | :'''Homer''': I could use a Television tray. |
||
| − | |||
| + | :'''Ned''': Well, gee... |
||
| − | : '''Marge''': Honey, honey, honey, honey, honey. Will you please be quiet? |
||
| + | :'''Homer''': What? |
||
| − | |||
| + | :'''Ned''': Uh, I just this minute bought it at the hardware... |
||
| − | : '''Bart''': Quiet! Biet! Fiet! Ziet! Diet! |
||
| + | :'''Homer''': You said "anything". |
||
| − | |||
| + | :'''Ned''': Heh, sure, you can borrow it for...a little while. |
||
| − | : '''Marge''': Bart, get out! |
||
| + | :'''Homer''': [in the present] And that little while is now 8 years and counting. Heh, heh, heh. |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| + | :'''Bart''' [during his "terrible two's" phase; he's banging pans and chanting while Marge is resting in her bedroom with a washcloth on her forehead]: I am so great! I am so great! Everyone loves me, I am so great! |
||
| − | : '''Homer''': It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day. |
||
| + | :'''Marge''': Honey, honey, honey, honey, honey. Will you please be quiet? |
||
| + | :'''Bart''': Quiet! Biet! Fiet! Ziet! Diet! |
||
| + | :'''Marge''': Bart, get out! |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| + | :'''Homer''': It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day. |
||
| − | : '''Bart''': Krusty funny! |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer''': Duh. |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Bart''': Krusty funny! |
| + | :'''Homer''': Duh. |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Bart''': I can't sleep, the clown'll eat me. |
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer''': Wow. A baby and a free burger. Could this be the best day of my life? |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''TV Announcer''': Next up, an hour-long episode of "Mama's Family." |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer''': Yes! |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Marge''': Homer, I think the baby is coming. |
| + | :'''Homer''': Wow. A baby and a free burger. Could this be the best day of my life? |
||
| − | |||
| − | : |
+ | :'''TV Announcer''': Next up, an hour-long episode of "Mama's Family." |
| + | :'''Homer''': Yes! |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| + | :'''Ned''': We'll take very good care of your boy, Simpson. Enjoy the miracle of creation! |
||
| − | : '''Ned''': Supper time, boys! |
||
| + | :'''Homer''': Shut up, Flanders. |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Todd''': Oh boy: liver! |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Rod''': Iron helps us play. |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| + | :'''Ned''': Supper time, boys! |
||
| − | : '''Marge''' [about Bart after Lisa's born]: According to this magazine, Bart might be jealous of her. |
||
| + | :'''Todd''': Oh boy: liver! |
||
| − | |||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Rod''': Iron helps us play. |
---- |
---- |
||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Marge''' [about Bart after Lisa's born]: According to this magazine, Bart might be jealous of her. |
| + | :'''Homer''': Well, Bart can kiss my hairy yellow butt. |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Lisa''': "Mondale to Hart: Where's the beef?" |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Bart''': "Where's the beef?" What the hell that's supposed to mean? |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer''': [laughs] "Where's the beef"...No wonder he won Minnesota. |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Marge''': I saved this newspaper from the day Lisa was born. |
| + | :'''Lisa''': "Mondale to Hart: Where's the beef?" |
||
| + | :'''Bart''': "Where's the beef?" What the hell that's supposed to mean? |
||
| + | :'''Homer''': [laughs] "Where's the beef"...No wonder he won Minnesota. |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| + | :'''Selma''': The older they get, the cuter they ain't. |
||
| − | : '''Dr. Hibbert''' [at Lisa's checkup]: [laughs] She has the relexes of a young Mary Lou Retton. Have a wowwipop. [gives Lisa one] |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Bart''': Can I have a lollipop? |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Dr. Hibbert''': Oh Bart, I'm afraid that was the last one. But I've got something even better for you: a rubella inoculation! [holds up a giant needle] |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| + | :'''Dr. Hibbert''': [at Lisa's checkup] [laughs] She has the relexes of a young Mary Lou Retton. Have a wowwipop. [gives Lisa one] |
||
| − | : '''Bart''': I wanna hold the baby. I wanna hold the baby. |
||
| + | :'''Bart''': Can I have a lollipop? |
||
| − | |||
| + | :'''Dr. Hibbert''': Oh Bart, I'm afraid that was the last one. But I've got something even better for you: a rubella inoculation! [holds up a giant needle] |
||
| − | : '''Marge''': I'm sorry, Bart, you're too little. |
||
| − | |||
| − | : '''Homer''': Here, Bart, you can hold my beer. [puts it on his head] |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| + | :'''Bart''': I wanna hold the baby. I wanna hold the baby. |
||
| − | : '''Krusty: '''YOU PEOPLE ARE PIGS! (''sobs angily)'' I am personally gonna spit in every fiftieth burger! |
||
| + | :'''Marge''': I'm sorry, Bart, you're too little. |
||
| − | |||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Homer''': Here, Bart, you can hold my beer. [puts it on his head] |
| + | ---- |
||
| + | :'''Krusty''': YOU PEOPLE ARE PIGS! (''sobs angrily)'' I am personally gonna spit in every fiftieth burger! |
||
| + | :'''Homer''': Ooh, I like those odds! |
||
---- |
---- |
||
| − | : |
+ | :'''Evil Clown Bed''': If you should die before you wake... (evil maniacal laugh) |
{{Season|4|Quo}} |
{{Season|4|Quo}} |
||
Revision as of 00:21, 17 April 2016
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |||||||
|
Lisa's First Word |
|
- (seeing Homer and Marge having sex)
- Baby Bart: Ay, caramba!
- Baby Lisa: "Bart!"
- Toddler Bart: "What did you say?"
- Baby Lisa: "Bart?"
- Bart: "Suffering succotash! You can talk! [runs downstairs] Mom! Dad! She can talk! Say it again, Lisa."
- Baby Lisa: "Bart! Bart, Bart, Bart, Bart, Bart."
- Bart: "I'm her first word!"
- Marge: "Well, I'm not surprised. Lisa's crazy about you. She thinks you hung the moon."
- Bart: "Wow! [to Lisa] Lisa. Can you say 'Mommy'?"
- Baby Lisa: "Mommy."
- Bart: "Can you say 'David Hasslehoff'?"
- Baby Lisa: "Dabid Hasslehoff." [giggles]
- Homer: "Can you say 'Daddy'?"
- Baby Lisa: "Homer."
- Homer: "No, sweetie. 'Daddy'."
- Baby Lisa: [pause] "Homer."
- Homer: "D'oh!"
- [While Bart and Lisa argue, Homer puts Maggie to bed.]
- Homer: "You know, Maggie. The sooner kids learn to talk, the sooner they talk back. [puts Maggie in her crib] I hope you never say a word."
- [Homer leaves the room, closing the door behind him. Maggie takes her pacifier out of her mouth.]
- Maggie: "Daddy."
- Marge: Maggie, can you say ba-ba? Can you say mama?
- Bart: Can you say get bent?
- Marge: Bart!
- Bart: Mister Rogers says it all the time!
- Marge: No, he doesn't.
- Bart: Yes, he does.
- Homer: Maggie, can you say daddy? Daddy?
- Marge: Kitty. Kitty.
- Lisa: Be-bop. Be-bop.
- Bart: Shove it. Shove it.
- Marge: According to Fretful Mother Magazine, if Maggie doesn't talk at age 1, we should consider a corrective tongue extender.
- Bart: Homer!
- Homer: Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh. Homer's what grownups call me. Call me daddy.
- Bart: Homer.
- Homer: Daddy.
- Bart: Homer.
- Homer: [becoming increasingly irate] Daddy.
- Bart: Da...da...da...
- Homer: Yes?
- Bart: D'omer! Hah, hah, hah...
- Homer: Why, you little...! [chokes Bart]
- When Homer, Marge and Bart move into their new home
- Bart: Hey, Homer, this house sucks!
- Homer: Bart, I thought I told you not to use that word! Call me Daddy.
- Bart: Homer! (blows raspberry at him)
- Homer: Bart! (begins strangling him)
- Marge: [telling Bart a bedtime story]: Then the prince and the princess...[yawn] got married and lived happily ever after.
- Bart: Then what happened?
- Marge: Uh...they had 30 sons and thirty daughters.
- Bart: What were their names?
- Marge: Hmm...Dennis...Brad...Mavis...Brad...[falls asleep]
- Homer: Got your nose! Heh heh heh.
- Bart: Got your wallet! [flushes it down toilet]
- Marge: There's going to be twice as much love in this house as there is now!
- Homer: We're going to start doing it in the morning?
- Marge: I'm afraid we're going to need a bigger house.
- Homer: No, we won't. I've got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's crib and Bart'll sleep with us until he's 21.
- Marge: Won't that warp him?
- Homer: My cousin Frank did it.
- Marge: You don't have a cousin Frank.
- Homer: He became Francine back in '76. Then he joined that cult. I think his name is Mother Shabubu now.
- Selma: Hey Bart, want a dollar? Uh uh uh, you know what I wanna hear.
- Bart [singing]: I'm a little teapot short and stout, this is my handle this is my spout. The incy wincy spider went up the water spout...
- Selma: Oh yeah! Love that spout medley.
- Homer: Once we get the cats out of the way, it won't be too bad.
- Real Estate Agent: Actually, according to the will, the cats own the house. You'd be their tenants!
- Lisa: I wish we lived in the kitty house.
- Bart: I could've trained them to be my unholy army of the night. Go, my pretties! Kill! Kill!
- Real Estate Agent: Here we have beautiful hard wood floor, track lighting.
- Marge: What's that stench?
- [Marge opens up window to see a factory]
- Sign: Rendering Plant
- Real Estate Agent: Once you get used to the smell of melted hog fat, you'll wonder how you ever did without it
- Homer: Mmmm...hog fat.
- Marge: Let's keep looking.
- [Cut to factory]
- Factory worker: Ooh, do you smell that?
- [Homer goes to the rendering plant to see the hog fat]
- Homer: Dad, I have a problem.
- Grampa: Why did you come to me? I really don't know nothin'. I used to get by on my looks. Now they're gone... withered away like an old piece of fruit. (sobs)
- Homer: Are you done?
- Grampa: No, not yet! I was voted the handsomest boy in Albany, New York!
- Homer: Dad, I don't need advice! I want $15,000 to buy a home!
- Grampa: Oh, well. All I own is this house, that I built with my own two hands!
- Homer: You didn't build this house! You won it on a crooked 50's game show!
- Grampa: I ratted on everybody and got off scot-free!
- Grampa: All right, son, I'll sell this dump and write you a check.
- Homer: Dad, first you gave me life, now you've given me a home for my family, I'd be honored if you came to live with us.
- Grampa: Thank you!
- Bart: [in the present] So how long before you shipped Grampa off to the old-folks home?
- Homer: About three weeks.
- [everyone laughs]
- Lisa: When do we get to my first word?
- Homer: Your what?
- Lisa: My first word!
- Homer: Nah, you don't want to hear that story. I know. I'll tell you about the time I got locked in the bank vault with Mr. Mooney. It was another one of my harebrained schemes.
- Lisa: Dad!
- Homer: Wait a minute. That was "The Lucy Show."
- Homer: Okay, where were we?
- Bart: Mom was preggers and Dad threw all our money down a sink hole.
- Ned: If you need anything just give a whistle.
- Homer: I could use a Television tray.
- Ned: Well, gee...
- Homer: What?
- Ned: Uh, I just this minute bought it at the hardware...
- Homer: You said "anything".
- Ned: Heh, sure, you can borrow it for...a little while.
- Homer: [in the present] And that little while is now 8 years and counting. Heh, heh, heh.
- Bart [during his "terrible two's" phase; he's banging pans and chanting while Marge is resting in her bedroom with a washcloth on her forehead]: I am so great! I am so great! Everyone loves me, I am so great!
- Marge: Honey, honey, honey, honey, honey. Will you please be quiet?
- Bart: Quiet! Biet! Fiet! Ziet! Diet!
- Marge: Bart, get out!
- Homer: It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
- Bart: Krusty funny!
- Homer: Duh.
- Bart: I can't sleep, the clown'll eat me.
- Marge: Homer, I think the baby is coming.
- Homer: Wow. A baby and a free burger. Could this be the best day of my life?
- TV Announcer: Next up, an hour-long episode of "Mama's Family."
- Homer: Yes!
- Ned: We'll take very good care of your boy, Simpson. Enjoy the miracle of creation!
- Homer: Shut up, Flanders.
- Ned: Supper time, boys!
- Todd: Oh boy: liver!
- Rod: Iron helps us play.
- Marge [about Bart after Lisa's born]: According to this magazine, Bart might be jealous of her.
- Homer: Well, Bart can kiss my hairy yellow butt.
- Marge: I saved this newspaper from the day Lisa was born.
- Lisa: "Mondale to Hart: Where's the beef?"
- Bart: "Where's the beef?" What the hell that's supposed to mean?
- Homer: [laughs] "Where's the beef"...No wonder he won Minnesota.
- Selma: The older they get, the cuter they ain't.
- Dr. Hibbert: [at Lisa's checkup] [laughs] She has the relexes of a young Mary Lou Retton. Have a wowwipop. [gives Lisa one]
- Bart: Can I have a lollipop?
- Dr. Hibbert: Oh Bart, I'm afraid that was the last one. But I've got something even better for you: a rubella inoculation! [holds up a giant needle]
- Bart: I wanna hold the baby. I wanna hold the baby.
- Marge: I'm sorry, Bart, you're too little.
- Homer: Here, Bart, you can hold my beer. [puts it on his head]
- Krusty: YOU PEOPLE ARE PIGS! (sobs angrily) I am personally gonna spit in every fiftieth burger!
- Homer: Ooh, I like those odds!
- Evil Clown Bed: If you should die before you wake... (evil maniacal laugh)