Homer: Sorry, Marge. Pinchy got all dirty in the yard chasing birds, but don't worry. I put him in a nice hot bath.
Bart: Hey, what smells so good?
Homer: Yeah- Pinchy? Pinchy?! PINCHY!!!!!!! (runs out of the room anxiously)
(The Simpsons are at the dinner table. Homer is crying wile eating the cooked Pinchy)
Homer: Man that's good. (sobs) Pass the butter. (wails)
Bart: (hands him the butter) Are you going to eat that all by yourself?
Homer: Yea. Pinchy would have wanted it this way. My dear sweet Pinchy! (pats Pinchy) No more pain where you are now, boy. (he tears Pinchy in half and drinks the meat out of him) Oh God, that's tasty. I wish Pinchy were here to enjoy this. (continues crying) Oh, Pinchy.
Homer: (regarding Pinchy) Oh, look at him cower. Just like the boy. I can't stay mad at such a helpless little mammal
(As Bart and Lisa approach the boys' room)
Lisa: Hey, I can't go in there!
Bart: Relax, there's nothing here you didn't see when Dad boycotted pants.
Bart: How do I get that kind of credibility?
Lisa: With eight years of scrupulous honesty.
Bart: Eh, it's not worth it.
Lisa: Stop! I cheated! Cheated, cheated, cheated, cheated, cheated, cheated!
Bart: Oh, I'm starving! Mom, can we go Catholic, so we can get communion wafers and booze?
Marge: No, no one's going Catholic! Three children is enough, thank you.
Lisa: (sneezes, moans and blows her nose)
Marge: Mmmm, how you feeling, sweetie?
Lisa: (nasally) Much better. (sneezes loudly)
Marge: Oh, my, you're burning up. I'm going to tell the school you're staying home. (picks up the phone)
Lisa: (pressing down on the receiver) I'm afraid I can't allow that.
Marge: Lisa! (dials again)
Lisa: Mom, no, wait, we can make a deal.
Marge: You don't have anything I want.
Homer: (eating many samples) Mmm! So, you say this product is known as "fudge"?
Clerk: Yes. Just like it was last week.
Homer: If you're gonna get snippy, I'll take my business elsewhere.
Ralph: We have to read this.
Lisa: The Wind in the Willows?
Ralph: It's about a toad and a badger and a mole. I drawed on mine!
Principal Skinner: I've just received some rather unusual news regarding your unprecedented A-triple-plus. To be honest, I'm surprised and saddened... No, not "saddened." What's the word? Ah, yes. "Delighted."
Principal Skinner: I'm delighted to report that your grade brought the entire school's G.P.A. up to our state's minimum standard. We now qualify for a basic assistance grant. It's the greatest honor the school has ever received, and it's all thanks to you!
Principal Skinner: You cheated? Oh, Lordy, Lordy, Lordy. Why didn't Miss Hoover tell me?
Lisa: She doesn't know. You're the only one I've told.
Principal Skinner: Well, then, one could make the argument that there really is no problem.
Lisa: But what I did was wrong!
Principal Skinner: Oh, very much so. But as long as we handle this in a mature and, above all, quiet manner we'll still get that grant money.
Mrs. Krabappel: Now who can tell me the atomic weight of "balonium"?
Martin: Ooh! Delicious?
Mrs. Krabappel: Correct. I would have also accepted "Snack-tacular."
Superintendent Chalmers: This school was once classified the most dilapidated in all of Missouri. That's why it was shut down and moved here, brick by brick.
Lisa: Okay, all right. You can bluff your way through one test. "Mr. Toad has a red blank"... Okay. Skip that one. "Mr. blank needs a blank in order to blank his blank"... Oh, I am in deep blank.
Miss Hoover: Are you okay?
Lisa: Well, actually, I do feel a little feverish.
Miss Hoover: Aw, don't worry about the test. Just get yourself a nice drink of water. Then come back and finish the test.
Ralph: I got a "B"!
Miss Hoover: No, Ralph. That's an "F." I must have spilled some Kahlua.