Simpsons Wiki

The following is a list of chalkboard gags seen on The Simpsons.

Season 1

# Airdate/Episode Title Screenshot Chalkboard Gag/Note
1 December 17, 1989
"Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"
No Image Available.png
(no gag)
2 January 14, 1990
"Bart the Genius"
Chalkboard gag (Bart the Genius).png I will not waste chalk.
3 January 21, 1990
"Homer's Odyssey"
Chalkboard gag (Homer's Odyssey).png I will not skateboard in the halls.
4 January 28, 1990
"There's No Disgrace Like Home"
Chalkboard gag (There's No Disgrace Like Home).png I will not burp in class.
5 February 4, 1990
"Bart the General"
No Image Available.png
(no gag)
Shortened opening
6 February 11, 1990
"Moaning Lisa"
OrigianlChalkboardS1E06.png I will not instigate revolution.
7 February 18, 1990
"The Call of the Simpsons"
Chalk Gag Season 1 Epicsode 7.png I will not draw naked ladies in class.
8 February 25, 1990
"The Telltale Head"
Chalk Gag Season 1 Episode 8.png I did not see Elvis.
This was a reference to a rumor that Elvis Presley was not dead; this gag accidentally appeared during the airport scene in Home Alone.
9 March 18, 1990
"Life on the Fast Lane"
No Image Available.png
(no gag)
Shortened opening
10 March 25, 1990
"Homer's Night Out"
Chalk Gag Season 1 Episode 10.png I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes".
11 April 15, 1990
"The Crepes of Wrath"
Chalk Gag Season 1 Episode 11.png Garlic gum is not funny.
12 April 29, 1990
"Krusty Gets Busted"
Chalkboard gag (Krusty Gets Busted).png They are laughing at me, not with me.
13 May 13, 1990
"Some Enchanted Evening"
Chalkboard gag (Some Enchanted Evening).png I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom. This was originally going to be the first chalkboard gag.

Season 2

# Airdate/Episode Title Screenshot Chalkboard Gag/Note
14 October 11, 1990
"Bart Gets an "F""
CE1.png I will not encourage others to fly.
(And during the episode: I will not fake my way through life.)
15 October 18, 1990
"Simpson and Delilah"
2CE2.png Tar is not a plaything.
16 October 25, 1990
"Treehouse of Horror"
No Image Available.png
(no gag)
17 November 1, 1990
"Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish"

Original version:
I will not Xerox my butt.

Alternate 1992 rerun version:
It's potato, not potatoe.

18 November 8, 1990
"Dancin' Homer"
2CE5.png I will not trade pants with others.
19 November 15, 1990
"Dead Putting Society"
2CE6.png I am not a 32 year old woman.
This was originally intended to be the gag for the episode that aired on October 25, 1990, as that was the 33rd birthday of Nancy Cartwright (the actress who voices Bart).
20 November 22, 1990
"Bart vs. Thanksgiving"
2CE7.png I will not do that thing with my tongue.
21 December 6, 1990
"Bart the Daredevil"
2CE8.png I will not drive the principal's car.
22 December 20, 1990
"Itchy & Scratchy & Marge"
2CE9.png I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
23 January 10, 1991
"Bart Gets Hit by a Car"
2CE10.png I will not sell school property.
24 January 24, 1991
"One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish"
2CE11.png I will not cut corners.
This is written only for six lines. The remaining lines are all "ditto" quotation marks. Thus, Bart is actually cutting corners.
25 January 31, 1991
"The Way We Was"
2CE12.png I will not get very far with this attitude.
26 February 7, 1991
"Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment"
2CE13.png I will not make flatulent noises in class.
27 February 14, 1991
"Principal Charming"
2CE14.png I will not belch the national anthem.
28 February 21, 1991
"Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?"
2CE15.png I will not sell land in Florida.
29 March 7, 1991
"Bart's Dog Gets an F"
2CE16.png I will not sell school property.
Same as Bart Gets Hit by a Car
30 March 28, 1991
"Old Money"
2CE17.png I will not grease the monkey bars.
31 April 11, 1991
"Brush with Greatness"
2CE18.png I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
32 April 25, 1991
"Lisa's Substitute"
No Image Available.png
(no gag)
33 May 2, 1991
"The War of the Simpsons"
2CE20.png I will not do anything bad ever again.
34 May 9, 1991
"Three Men and a Comic Book"
2CE21.png I will not show off.
Bart is actually trying to show off, writing it in Blackletter.
35 July 11, 1991
"Blood Feud"
2CE22.png I will not sleep through my education.

Season 3

# Airdate/Episode Title Screenshot Chalkboard Gag/Note
36 September 19, 1991
"Stark Raving Dad"
3CE1.png I am not a dentist.
37 September 26, 1991
"Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington"
3CE2.png Spitwads are not free speech.
38 October 3, 1991
"When Flanders Failed"
3CE3.png Nobody likes sun burn slappers.
39 October 10, 1991
"Bart the Murderer"
3CE4.png High explosives and school don't mix.
Bart the Murderer 47.JPG Also during the episode: "I will not bribe Principal Skinner".
40 October 17, 1991
"Homer Defined"
3CE5.png I will not squeak chalk.
Bart makes the chalk squeak as he writes this.
41 October 24, 1991
"Like Father, Like Clown"
3CE6.png I will finish what I stay
Bart only writes one line and doesn't finish, as the text should read: "I will finish what I start".
42 October 31, 1991
"Treehouse of Horror II"
No Image Available.png
(no gag)
43 November 7, 1991
"Lisa's Pony"
3CE8.png "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.
44 November 14, 1991
"Saturdays of Thunder"
3CE9.png I will not fake rabies.
45 November 21, 1991
"Flaming Moe's"
3CE10.png Underwear should be worn on the inside.
46 December 5, 1991
"Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk"
3CE11.png The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
47 December 26, 1991
"I Married Marge"
3CE12.png I will not torment the emotionally frail.
48 January 9, 1992
"Radio Bart"
3CE13.png I will not carve gods.
49 January 23, 1992
"Lisa the Greek"
No Image Available.png
(no gag)
50 February 6, 1992
"Homer Alone"
3CE15.png I will not spank others.
51 February 13, 1992
"Bart the Lover"
No Image Available.png
(no gag)
52 February 20, 1992
"Homer at the Bat"
3CE17.png I will not aim for the head.
However, in this episode, Homer got hit in the head by a baseball due to getting distracted by Mr. Burns' signing to Homer during a game.
53 February 27, 1992
"Separate Vocations"
3CE18.png I will not barf unless I'm sick.
Separate Vocations 119.JPG Also during the episode: I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
54 March 12, 1992
"Dog of Death"
3CE19.png I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
55 March 26, 1992
"Colonel Homer"
3CE20.png I will not conduct my own fire drills.
56 April 9, 1992
"Black Widower"
3CE21.png Funny noises are not funny.
57 April 23, 1992
"The Otto Show"
3CE22.png I will not spin the turtle.
58 May 7, 1992
"Bart's Friend Falls in Love"
3CE23.png I will not snap bras.
59 August 27, 1992
"Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"
3CE24.png I will not fake seizures.

Season 4

# Airdate/Episode Title Screenshot Chalkboard Gag/Note
60 September 24, 1992
"Kamp Krusty"
Simpsons-punishment.png This punishment is not boring and pointless.
61 October 1, 1992
"A Streetcar Named Marge"
Simpsons-death.png My name is not "Dr. Death".
62 October 8, 1992
"Homer the Heretic"
Simpsons-orleans.png I will not defame New Orleans.
This was due to complaints regarding the song, "New Orleans" from the previous episode.
63 October 15, 1992
"Lisa the Beauty Queen"
The-Simpsons-s04e04-Lisa-The-Beauty-Queen.jpg I will not prescribe medication.
64 October 29, 1992
"Treehouse of Horror III"
No Image Available.png
(no gag)
65 November 3, 1992
"Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie"
Bury The New Kid.jpg I will not bury the new kid.
(And during the episode, Marge writes I will try to raise a better child.)
66 November 5, 1992
"Marge Gets a Job"
The-Simpsons-s04e07-Marge-Gets-a-Job.jpg I will not teach others to fly.
67 November 12, 1992
"New Kid on the Block"
I will not bring sheep to class.
68 November 19, 1992
"Mr. Plow"
Chalk gag a burp is not an answer.jpg A burp is not an answer.
69 December 3, 1992
"Lisa's First Word"
The-Simpsons-s04e10-Lisas-First-Word.jpg Teacher is not a leper.
70 December 17, 1992
"Homer's Triple Bypass"
Simpsons-coffee.jpg Coffee is not for kids.
Each line becomes less legible and more scrawled, as coffee can sometimes make a person drowsy after a while.
71 January 14, 1993
"Marge vs. the Monorail"
The-Simpsons-s04e12-Marge-vs.-the-Monorail.jpg I will not eat things for money.
However, Bart actually ate things for money 21 seasons later in "Diggs".
72 January 21, 1993
"Selma's Choice"
The-Simpsons-s04e13-Selmas-Choice.jpg I will not yell "She's dead" during roll call.
73 February 4, 1993
"Brother from the Same Planet"
The-Simpsons-s04e14-Brother-from-the-Same-Planet.jpg The principal's toupée is not a frisbee.
74 February 11, 1993
"I Love Lisa"
The-Simpsons-s04e15-I-Love-Lisa.jpg I will not call the principal "spud head".
75 February 18, 1993
Goldfish dont bounce.jpg Goldfish don't bounce.
76 March 11, 1993
"Last Exit to Springfield"
The-Simpsons-s04e17-Last-Exit-To-Springfield.jpg Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
77 April 1, 1993
"So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show"
The-Simpsons-s04e18-So-Its-Come-To-This -A-Simpsons-Clip-Show.jpg No one is interested in my underpants.
78 April 15, 1993
"The Front"
The-Simpsons-s04e19-The-Front.jpg I will not sell miracle cures.
79 April 29, 1993
"Whacking Day"
Simpsons-dog.png I will return the seeing-eye dog.
80 May 6, 1993
"Marge in Chains"
The-Simpsons-s04e21-Marge-in-Chains.jpg I do not have diplomatic immunity.
81 May 13, 1993
"Krusty Gets Kancelled"
The-Simpsons-s04e22-Krusty-Gets-Cancelled.jpg I will not charge admission to the bathroom.

Season 5

# Airdate/Episode Title Screenshot Chalkboard Gag/Note
82 September 30, 1993
Homer's Barbershop Quartet
5CE1.png I will never win an Emmy.
In fact, nine Emmy Awards had been won by the show and cast by this episode's airing date.
83 October 7, 1993
Cape Feare
5CE2.png The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
84 October 14, 1993
Homer Goes to College
No Image Available.png
(no gag)
85 October 21, 1993
No Image Available.png
(no gag)
86 October 28, 1993
Treehouse of Horror IV
No Image Available.png
(no gag)
87 November 4, 1993
Marge on the Lam
No Image Available.png
(no gag)
88 November 11, 1993
Bart's Inner Child
No Image Available.png
(no gag)
89 November 18, 1993
Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood
No Image Available.png
(no gag)
90 December 9, 1993
The Last Temptation of Homer
5CE9.png All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy. (Reference to the quote commonly associated with Stephen King's The Shining)
91 December 16, 1993
$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)
5CE10.png I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
However, it actually happens later in Trash of the Titans.
92 January 6, 1994
Homer the Vigilante
5CE11.png I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
93 February 3, 1994
Bart Gets Famous
5CE12.png My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
94 February 10, 1994
Homer and Apu
Chalk gag i will not go near the kidergarden turtle.jpg I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
95 February 17, 1994
Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy
No Image Available.png
(no gag)
96 February 24, 1994
Deep Space Homer
No Image Available.png
(no gag)
97 March 17, 1994
Homer Loves Flanders
Simpsons-saucy.jpg I am not delightfully saucy.
98 March 31, 1994
Bart Gets an Elephant
Simpsons-organ.jpg Organ transplants are best left to the professionals.
99 April 14, 1994
Burns' Heir
Simpsons-pledge.jpg The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan".
100 April 28, 1994
Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song
Simpsons-milestones.png I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
In fact, this was the 100th episode of The Simpsons as a whole.
101 May 5, 1994
The Boy Who Knew Too Much
Simpsons-businesses.png There are plenty of businesses like show business.
102 May 12, 1994
Lady Bouvier's Lover
Simpsons-transmit.png I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball.
103 May 19, 1994
Secrets of a Successful Marriage
Simpsons-gun.jpg Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.

Season 6

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
104 September 4, 1994
Bart of Darkness - Chalkboard Gag.png
Beans are neither fruit nor musical.
(This takes us back to "Whacking Day")
Bart of Darkness
105 September 11, 1994
Lisa's Rival - Chalkboard Gag.png
No one is interested in my underpants.
(same as episode 77)
Lisa's Rival
106 September 25, 1994
Another Simpsons Clip Show - Chalkboard Gag.png
I will not use abbrev.
(However, Bart does abbreviate the word "Abbreviations", writing it as "abbrev".)
Another Simpsons Clip Show
107 October 2, 1994
Itchy & Scratchy Land - Chalkboard Gag.png
I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr. Itchy & Scratchy Land
108 October 9, 1994 No Image Available.png no gag Sideshow Bob Roberts
109 October 30, 1994 No Image Available.png no gag Treehouse of Horror V
110 November 6, 1994
Bart's Girlfriend - Chalkboard Gag.png
I will not send lard through the mail. Bart's Girlfriend
111 November 13, 1994
Lisa on Ice - Chalkboard Gag.png
I will not dissect things unless instructed. Lisa on Ice
112 November 27, 1994
Homer Badman - Chalkboard Gag.png
I will not whittle hall passes out of soap. Homer Badman
113 December 4, 1994
Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy - Chalkboard Gag.png
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
(same as Bart Gets Famous)
Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy
114 December 18, 1994
Fear of Flying - Chalkboard Gag.png
Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough. Fear of Flying
115 January 8, 1995
Homer the Great - Chalkboard Gag.png
Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the principal. Homer the Great
116 January 22, 1995
And Maggie Makes Three - Chalkboard Gag.png
"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice. And Maggie Makes Three
117 February 5, 1995
Bart's Comet - Chalkboard Gag.png
Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does.
(Bart would later make the same confusion about cursive in You Only Move Twice )
Bart's Comet
118 February 12, 1995
Homie the Clown - Chalkboard Gag.png
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding. Homie the Clown
119 February 19, 1995
Bart vs. Australia - Chalkboard Gag.png
I will not hang donuts on my person.
("my person" refers to the fact that Bart probably hanged donuts on himself)
Bart vs. Australia
120 February 26, 1995
Homer vs. Patty & Selma - Chalkboard Gag.png
I will remember to take my medication. Homer vs. Patty and Selma
121 March 5, 1995 No Image Available.png no gag A Star is Burns
122 March 19, 1995 .
Lisa's Wedding Gag.JPG
I will not strut around like I own the place. Lisa's Wedding
123 April 9, 1995
Two Dozen and One Greyhounds - Chalkboard Gag.png
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far. Two Dozen and One Greyhounds
124 April 16, 1995
The PTA Disbands - Chalkboard Gag.png
I do not have power of attorney over first graders. The PTA Disbands
125 April 30, 1995
'Round Springfield - Chalkboard Gag.png
Nerve gas is not a toy. 'Round Springfield
126 May 7, 1995
The Springfield Connection Gag.JPG
I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface. The Springfield Connection
127 May 14, 1995
Lemon of Troy - Chalkboard Gag.png
The First Amendment does not cover burping. Lemon of Troy
128 May 21, 1995
Who Shot Mr. Burns (Part 1) - Chalkboard Gag.png
This is not a clue... or is it?
(Also seen in The Simpsons Road Rage)
Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part One)

Season 7

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
129 September 17, 1995
Who Shot Mr. Burns (Part Two) Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I will not complain about the solution when I hear it. Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part Two)
130 September 24, 1995
Radioactive Man Gag.JPG
"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism. Radioactive Man
131 October 1, 1995
Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily Gag.JPG
No one wants to hear from my armpits. Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily
132 October 8, 1995
Bart Sells His Soul Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I am not a lean mean spitting machine. Bart Sells His Soul
133 October 15, 1995
Lisa the Vegetarian Chalkboard Gag.JPG
The boys' room is not a water park. Lisa the Vegetarian
134 October 29, 1995 No Image Available.png no gag Treehouse of Horror VI
135 November 5, 1995
King-Size Homer Gag.JPG
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage. King-Size Homer
136 November 19, 1995 No Image Available.png no gag Mother Simpson
137 November 26, 1995
Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming Gag.JPG
Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things. Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming
138 December 3, 1995
The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular Gag.JPG
I will only do this once a year.
("The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular" is a clip show)
The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular
139 December 17, 1995
Marge Be Not Proud Gag.JPG
I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist. Marge Be Not Proud
140 January 7, 1996
Team Homer Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I am not certified to remove asbestos. Team Homer
141 January 14, 1996 No Image Available.png no gag Two Bad Neighbors
142 February 4, 1996 No Image Available.png no gag Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield
143 February 11, 1996 No Image Available.png no gag Bart the Fink
144 February 18, 1996 No Image Available.png no gag Lisa the Iconoclast
145 February 25, 1996 No Image Available.png no gag Homer the Smithers
146 March 17, 1996 No Image Available.png no gag The Day the Violence Died
147 March 24, 1996 No Image Available.png no gag A Fish Called Selma
148 March 31, 1996 No Image Available.png no gag Bart on the Road
149 April 14, 1996 No Image Available.png no gag 22 Short Films About Springfield
150 April 28, 1996 No Image Available.png no gag Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"
151 May 5, 1996 No Image Available.png no gag Much Apu About Nothing
152 May 19, 1996 No Image Available.png no gag Homerpalooza
153 May 19, 1996 No Image Available.png no gag Summer of 4 Ft. 2

Season 8

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
154 October 27, 1996 No Image Available.png no gag Treehouse of Horror VII
155 November 3, 1996
You Only Move Twice Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I did not learn everything I need to know from kindergarten.(Also appears in episode 176) You Only Move Twice
156 November 10, 1996
I am not my long-lost twin. The Homer They Fall
157 November 17, 1996 No Image Available.png no gag Burns, Baby Burns
158 November 24, 1996 No Image Available.png no gag Bart After Dark
159 December 1, 1996 No Image Available.png no gag A Milhouse Divided
160 December 15, 1996 Lisa's Date with Density 73.JPG no gag
(But during the episode, Lisa writes "I will not be a snickerpuss." She then asks herself, "How does Bart do this every week?")
Lisa's Date with Density
161 December 29, 1996 No Image Available.png no gag Hurricane Neddy
162 January 5, 1997 No Image Available.png no gag El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer)
163 January 12, 1997
The truth is not out there.
("The Springfield Files" is an episode parodying X-Files, and this gag is one of the references to it)
The Springfield Files
164 January 19, 1997
I am not licensed to do anything.
(James Bond reference)
The Twisted World of Marge Simpson
165 February 2, 1997 No Image Available.png no gag Mountain of Madness
166 February 7, 1997
I will not hide the teacher's Prozac. Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious
167 February 9, 1997 No Image Available.png no gag The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show
168 February 16, 1997 No Image Available.png no gag Homer's Phobia
169 February 23, 1997 No Image Available.png no gag Brother from Another Series
170 March 2, 1997 No Image Available.png no gag My Sister, My Sitter
171 March 16, 1997 No Image Available.png no gag Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment
172 April 6, 1997 No Image Available.png no gag Grade School Confidential
173 April 13, 1997
A fire drill does not demand a fire. The Canine Mutiny
174 April 20, 1997 No Image Available.png no gag The Old Man and the Lisa
175 April 27, 1997 No Image Available.png no gag In Marge We Trust
176 May 4, 1997
Didn't learn Kindergarten.png
I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten. Homer's Enemy
177 May 11, 1997 No Image Available.png no gag The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase
178 May 18, 1997 No Image Available.png no gag The Secret War of Lisa Simpson

Season 9

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
179 September 21, 1997 no gag The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson
180 September 28, 1997 no gag The Principal and the Pauper
181 October 19, 1997
Lisa's Sax Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I no longer want my MTV.
(reference to the lyrics of the Dire Straits song Money for Nothing (song), and a possible jab at MTV's declining quality due to lack of music videos and music-related programming)
Lisa's Sax
182 October 26, 1997 no gag Treehouse of Horror VIII
183 November 2, 1997
The Cartridge Family Chalkboard Gag.JPG
Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story. The Cartridge Family
184 November 9, 1997
Bart Star Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I did not invent Irish dancing. Bart Star
185 November 16, 1997 no gag The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons
186 November 23, 1997
Lisa the Skeptic Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I will not tease Fatty. Lisa the Skeptic
187 December 7, 1997
Realty Bites Chalkboard Gag.JPG
There was no Roman god named "Fartacus". Realty Bites
188 December 21, 1997
Miracle on Evergreen Terrace Chalkboard Gag.JPG
Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related. Miracle on Evergreen Terrace
189 January 4, 1998 no gag All Singing, All Dancing
190 January 11, 1998 no gag Bart Carny
191 February 8, 1998
The Joy of Sect Chalkboard Gag.JPG
Shooting paintballs is not an art form. The Joy of Sect
192 February 15, 1998 no gag Das Bus
193 February 22, 1998
The Last Temptation of Krust Chalkboard Gag.JPG
Pain is not the cleanser.
(However, Ned Flanders shouted "Pain is the cleanser!" as he yanked his mustache 7 seasons later in Home Away from Homer)
The Last Temptation of Krust
194 March 1, 1998
Dumbbell Indemnity Chalkboard Gag.JPG
Silly string is not a nasal spray. Dumbbell Indemnity
195 March 8, 1998 no gag Lisa the Simpson
196 March 22, 1998
This Little Wiggy Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I was told not to do this. This Little Wiggy
197 March 29, 1998
Simpson Tide Chalkboard Gag.JPG
My butt does not deserve a website. Simpson Tide
198 April 5, 1998
The Trouble with Trillions Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I will not demand what I'm worth.
(This is a reference to "The Voice" cast's recent demands for higher pay)
The Trouble with Trillions
199 April 19, 1998 no gag Girly Edition
200 April 26, 1998 ChalkboardGagS9CouchGagE22.jpg I will not mess with the opening credits.
(This was actually the couch gag for this episode; the rest of the family runs into the classroom to find Bart already there writing on the board)
Trash of the Titans
201 May 3, 1998 no gag King of the Hill
202 May 10, 1998
Lost Our Lisa Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I am not the new Dalai Lama. Lost Our Lisa
203 May 17, 1998
Natural Born Kissers Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I was not the inspiration for "Kramer."
(This episode aired three days after the last episode of "Seinfeld")
Natural Born Kissers

Season 10

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
204 August 23, 1998 no gag Lard of the Dance
205 September 20, 1998
I will not file frivolous lawsuits.png
I will not file frivolous lawsuits. The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace
206 September 27, 1998 no gag Bart the Mother
207 October 25, 1998
The Simpsons Halloween Special IX
(This is written in blood with a paintbrush)
Treehouse of Horror IX
208 November 8, 1998
Butt.butt is not my e-mail address.png
"" is not my e-mail address.
(This was changed to "butt.butt" in later airings since was revealed to be a real website; still appeared in non-US airings, however)
When You Dish Upon a Star
209 November 15, 1998
No one cares what my definition of is is.png
No one cares what my definition of "is" is. D'oh-in' in the Wind
210 November 22, 1998
I will not scream for ice cream.png
I will not scream for ice cream. Lisa Gets an "A"
211 December 6, 1998
I am not a licensed hairstylist.png
I am not a licensed hairstylist. Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble"
212 December 20, 1998
The president did it is not an excuse.png
"The President did it" is not an excuse.
(This aired a day after impeachment proceedings started against Bill Clinton)
Mayored to the Mob
213 January 10, 1999
My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfield.png
My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld. Viva Ned Flanders
214 January 17, 1999
Sherri does not got back.png
Sherri does not "got back". Wild Barts Can't Be Broken
215 January 31, 1999
I will not do the dirty bird.png
I will not do "the dirty bird."
(This episode aired the night of Super Bowl XXXIII, in which the Atlanta Falcons, for whom "The Dirty Bird" was a signature dance/celebration, played)
Sunday, Cruddy Sunday
216 February 7, 1999
No one wants to hear about my sciatica. Homer to the Max
217 February 14, 1999
Hillbillies are people too. I'm with Cupid
218 February 21, 1999
Grammar is not a time of waste. Marge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers"
219 February 28, 1999 I do not have diplomatic immunity. (Same as 9F20) Make Room for Lisa
220 March 28, 1999 It does not suck to be you.
(Reference to a Prozzäk song)
Maximum Homerdrive
221 April 4, 1999
Simpsons Bible Stories -00242.jpg
I cannot absolve sins.
(And during the episode in Lisa's dream, Bart carves "I will not deface." in hieroglyphics. (actually "Eye well knot d-face"))
Simpsons Bible Stories
222 April 11, 1999
A trained ape could not teach gym. Mom and Pop Art
223 April 25, 1999
The Old Man and the C Student Chalkboard Gag.JPG
Loose teeth don't need my help. The Old Man and the "C" Student
224 May 2, 1999 I have neither been there nor done that. Monty Can't Buy Me Love
225 May 9, 1999 No one wants to hear from my armpits.
(Same as Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily)
They Saved Lisa's Brain
226 May 16, 1999 I'm so very tired. (At this point, Bart had been doing these gags for ten seasons) Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo

Season 11

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
227 September 26, 1999
IMG 1673.PNG
Fridays are not "pants optional".
(In Australia, Hamish and Andy (a comedy duo) have decided that Friday should be pants off Friday)
Beyond Blunderdome
228 October 3, 1999
IMG 1672.PNG
Pork is not a verb.
(the irony is that "pork" is a verb, albeit a vulgar slang term, meaning "to have sexual intercourse with")
Brother's Little Helper
229 October 24, 1999
Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner? - Chalkboard Gag.png
I am not the last Don. (possible reference to the 1997 TV minseries of the same name, which starred Joe Mantegna, the voice of Fat Tony) Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?
230 October 31, 1999 no gag Treehouse of Horror X
231 November 7, 1999
E-I-E-I-D'oh - Chalkboard Gag.png
I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize. E-I-E-I-D'oh
232 November 14, 1999
I won't not use no double negatives.
(since three negatives are used, so the sentence is true)
Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder
233 November 21, 1999 Indian burns are not our cultural heritage.
(same as King-Size Homer)
Eight Misbehavin'
234 November 28, 1999
Take My Wife, Sleaze - Chalkboard Gag.png
I can't see dead people. (The Sixth Sense reference) (However, in Flanders' Ladder, Bart is able to receive visits from ghosts in a coma) Take My Wife, Sleaze
235 December 19, 1999
Grift of the Magi - Chalkboard Gag.png
Grift of the Magi 75.JPG
I will not sell my kidney on eBay.
(this is impossible now, since eBay prohibits the sale of organs)
(and during the episode, Lisa writes I will not do math in class.)
Grift of the Magi
236 January 9, 2000 I will not create art from dung. Little Big Mom
237 January 16, 2000 I will stop phoning it in. Faith Off
238 January 23, 2000 Class clown is not a paid position. The Mansion Family
239 February 6, 2000
Saddlesore Galactica - Chalkboard Gag.png
Substitute teachers are not scabs. Saddlesore Galactica
240 February 13, 2000
My suspension was not "mutual". Alone Again, Natura-Diddily
241 February 20, 2000
Missionary Impossible - Chalkboard Gag.png
A belch is not an oral report. Missionary: Impossible
242 February 27, 2000
Dodgeball stops at the gym door. Pygmoelian
243 March 19, 2000
Non-flammable is not a challenge. Bart to the Future
244 April 9, 2000
I was not touched "there" by an angel. Days of Wine and D'oh'ses
245 April 30, 2000
I am not here on a fartball scholarship. Kill the Alligator and Run
246 May 7, 2000
Last Tap Dance in Springfield - Chalkboard Gag.png
I will not dance on anyone's grave. Last Tap Dance in Springfield
247 May 14, 2000 I cannot hire a substitute student. It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge
248 May 21, 2000
I will not obey the voices in my head. Behind the Laughter

Season 12

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
249 November 1, 2000 no gag Treehouse of Horror XI
250 November 5, 2000 I will not plant subliminAL messaGOREs.
(aired two days before the 2000 U.S. presidential election)
A Tale of Two Springfields
251 November 12, 2000 I will not surprise the incontinent. Insane Clown Poppy
252 November 19, 2000 I am not the acting president.
(aired during the legal contest over the results of the 2000 presidential election)
Lisa the Tree Hugger
253 November 26, 2000 I was not the sixth Beatle. Homer vs. Dignity
254 December 3, 2000 I will only provide a urine sample when asked. The Computer Wore Menace Shoes
255 December 10, 2000 The nurse is not dealing. The Great Money Caper
256 December 17, 2000
Skinner's Sense of Snow 72.JPG
Science class should not end in tragedy.
(And during the episode, Skinner writes I ain't not a dorkus.)
Skinner's Sense of Snow
257 January 7, 2001 Network TV is not dead. HOMЯ
258 January 14, 2001 I will not "let the dogs out". (reference to Baha Men's "Who Let the Dogs Out") Pokey Mom
259 February 4, 2001 I will not hide the teacher's medication. Worst Episode Ever
260 February 11, 2001 I will not publish the principal's credit report. Tennis the Menace
261 February 18, 2001 The hamster did not have a "full life". Day of the Jackanapes
262 February 25, 2001 I will not buy a presidential pardon.
(Reference to the Bill Clinton pardons controversy, involving 140 pardons he issued on his last day in office)
New Kids on the Blecch
263 March 4, 2001 "Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap. Hungry, Hungry Homer
264 March 11, 2001
Bye Bye Nerdie Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I will not scare the vice president.
(reference to VP Cheney's heart condition)
Bye Bye Nerdie
265 April 1, 2001 I will not flush evidence. Simpson Safari
266 April 29, 2001 Fire is not the cleanser. Trilogy of Error
267 May 6, 2001 Genetics is not an excuse. I'm Goin' to Praiseland
268 May 13, 2001 Today is not Mothra's Day.
(this episode aired on Mother's Day)
Children of a Lesser Clod
269 May 20, 2001 I should not be twenty-one by now.
(reference to the fact that Bart has been the age of ten for over eleven years)
Simpsons Tall Tales

Season 13

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
270 November 6, 2001 no gag Treehouse of Horror XII
271 November 11, 2001
The Parent Rap -00004.jpg
Nobody reads these anymore. The Parent Rap
272 November 18, 2001 A burp in a jar is not a science project. Homer the Moe
273 December 2, 2001 Fun does not have a size. A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love
274 December 9, 2001
The Blunder Years -00005.jpg
I am not Charlie Brown on acid. (reference to how critics described "South Park") The Blunder Years
275 December 16, 2001 I do not have a cereal named after me. She of Little Faith
276 January 6, 2002 no gag Brawl in the Family
277 January 20, 2002 no gag Sweets and Sour Marge
278 January 27, 2002 no gag Jaws Wired Shut
279 February 10, 2002 I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers. (reference to his Butterfinger commercials and how, after a blatant jab two episodes earlier, the ads had been canceled) Half-Decent Proposal
280 February 17, 2002
The Bart Wants What It Wants Chalkboard Gag.JPG
The Giving Tree is not a chump. The Bart Wants What It Wants
281 February 24, 2002 Making Milhouse cry is not a science project. The Lastest Gun in the West
282 March 10, 2002 no gag The Old Man and the Key
283 March 17, 2002 Vampire is not a career choice. Tales from the Public Domain
284 March 31, 2002 no gag Blame It on Lisa
285 April 7, 2002 no gag Weekend at Burnsie's
286 April 21, 2002 no gag Gump Roast
287 April 28, 2002 no gag I Am Furious (Yellow)
288 May 5, 2002 I will never lie about being cancelled again. (reference to Matt Groening spreading a rumor that The Simpsons was going to end its run after this season) The Sweetest Apu
289 May 12, 2002 no gag Little Girl in the Big Ten

Season 14

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
290 November 3, 2002 no gag Treehouse of Horror XIII
291 November 10, 2002 no gag How I Spent My Strummer Vacation
292 November 17, 2002 Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade Chalkboard Gag.JPG Fish do not like coffee. Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade
293 November 24, 2002 no gag Large Marge
294 December 1, 2002 Milhouse did not test cootie positive. Helter Shelter
295 December 15, 2002 no gag The Great Louse Detective
296 January 5, 2003 no gag Special Edna
297 January 12, 2003 no gag The Dad Who Knew Too Little
298 February 2, 2003 This school does not need a "regime change".
(reference to the then-upcoming War In Iraq)
The Strong Arms of the Ma
299 February 9, 2003 250px-Pray Anything - Chalkboard gag.png SpongeBob

is not a contraceptive.

Pray Anything
300 February 16, 2003 Barting over -00003.jpg I will not (Bart then destroys the chalkboard with an axe and runs out the school laughing) Barting Over
301 February 16, 2003 no gag I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can
302 March 2, 2003 no gag A Star Is Born-Again
303 March 9, 2003 no gag Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington
304 March 16, 2003 no gag C.E. D'oh
305 March 30, 2003 no gag 'Scuse Me While I Miss the Sky
306 April 13, 2003 no gag Three Gays of the Condo
307 April 27, 2003 no gag Dude, Where's My Ranch?
308 May 4, 2003 My pen is not a booger launcher. Old Yeller-Belly
309 May 11, 2003 no gag Brake My Wife, Please
310 May 18, 2003 Sandwiches should not contain sand. The Bart of War
311 May 18, 2003 no gag Moe Baby Blues
312 May 19, 2003 no gag The Frying Game
313 May 22, 2003 no gag Poppa's Got a Brand New Badge

Season 15

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
314 November 2, 2003 no gag Treehouse of Horror XIV
315 November 9, 2003 no gag My Mother the Carjacker
316 November 16, 2003 no gag The President Wore Pearls
317 November 23, 2003 no gag The Regina Monologues
318 November 30, 2003 no gag The Fat and the Furriest
319 December 7, 2003 Over forty & single is not funny. Today, I Am a Clown
320 December 14, 2003 no gag 'Tis the Fifteenth Season
321 January 4, 2004 no gag Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens and Gays
322 January 11, 2004 no gag I, (Annoyed Grunt)-Bot
323 January 25, 2004 no gag Diatribe of a Mad Housewife
324 February 8, 2004 no gag Margical History Tour
325 February 15, 2004 no gag Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore
326 February 22, 2004 no gag Smart and Smarter
327 March 14, 2004 I will not speculate on how hot my teacher used to be. The Ziff Who Came to Dinner
328 March 21, 2004 no gag Co-Dependent's Day
329 March 28, 2004 no gag The Wandering Juvie
330 April 18, 2004 no gag My Big Fat Geek Wedding
331 April 25, 2004 no gag Catch 'Em if You Can
332 May 2, 2004 no gag Simple Simpson
333 May 9, 2004 no gag The Way We Weren't
334 May 16, 2004 no gag Bart-Mangled Banner
335 May 23, 2004 no gag Fraudcast News

Season 16

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
336 November 7, 2004 no gag Treehouse of Horror XV
337 November 14, 2004 no gag All's Fair in Oven War
338 November 21, 2004 no gag Sleeping with the Enemy
339 December 5, 2004 Poking a dead raccoon is not research. She Used to Be My Girl
340 December 12, 2004 no gag Fat Man and Little Boy
341 January 16, 2005 no gag Midnight Rx
342 January 30, 2005 no gag Mommie Beerest
343 February 6, 2005 no gag Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass
344 February 13, 2005 no gag Pranksta Rap
345 February 20, 2005 no gag There's Something About Marrying
346 March 6, 2005 Beer in a milk carton is not milk. On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister
347 March 13, 2005 no gag Goo Goo Gai Pan
348 March 20, 2005 no gag Mobile Homer
349 April 3, 2005 no gag The Seven-Beer Snitch
350 April 17, 2005 no gag Don't Fear the Roofer
351 May 1, 2005 no gag Future-Drama
352 May 1, 2005 BartOverweightCandyBarGag.png no gag
(However, during the episode, the chalkboard gag is replaced with Bart buying snacks from the vending machine)
The Heartbroke Kid
353 May 8, 2005 no gag A Star is Torn
354 May 8, 2005 no gag Thank God It's Doomsday
355 May 15, 2005 A booger is not a bookmark. Home Away from Homer
356 May 15, 2005 no gag The Father, the Son and the Holy Guest Star

Season 17

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
357 September 11, 2005 Does any kid still do this anymore?
(refers to the diminishing frequency of the chalkboard gag, as well as the real-life punishment)
The Bonfire of the Manatees
358 September 18, 2005 no gag The Girl Who Slept Too Little
359 September 25, 2005 no gag Milhouse of Sand and Fog
360 November 6, 2005 no gag Treehouse of Horror XVI
361 November 13, 2005 no gag Marge's Son Poisoning
362 November 20, 2005 no gag See Homer Run
363 November 27, 2005 no gag The Last of the Red Hat Mamas
364 December 11, 2005 no gag The Italian Bob
365 December 18, 2005 no gag Simpsons Christmas Stories
366 January 8, 2006 I am not smarter than the president. Homer's Paternity Coot
367 January 29, 2006 Teacher

was not dumped—it was mutual.

We're on the Road to D'oh-where
368 February 26, 2006 no gag My Fair Laddy
369 March 12, 2006 no gag The Seemingly Never-Ending Story
370 March 19, 2006 no gag Bart Has Two Mommies
371 March 26, 2006 The.simpsons.s17e15.jpg I will not laminate dog doo.
(The first airing of this episode included a special live action opening that has I will not eat things for money)
Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife
372 April 2, 2006 Bart flips chalkboard.jpg I will not flip the classroom upside down.
(the classroom is flipped upside down)
Million Dollar Abie
373 April 9, 2006 no gag Kiss Kiss Bang Bangalore
374 April 23, 2006 no gag The Wettest Stories Ever Told
375 April 30, 2006 no gag Girls Just Want to Have Sums
376 May 7, 2006 I will not leak the plot of the movie. Regarding Margie
377 May 14, 2006 The simpsons s17e21.jpg Je ne parle pas français. ("I do not speak French.")
(However, Bart does in fact learn to speak French in The Crepes of Wrath)
The Monkey Suit
378 May 21, 2006 Have a great summer, everyone.
(last episode of the season)
Marge and Homer Turn a Couple Play

Season 18

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
379 September 10, 2006 no gag The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer
380 September 17, 2006 no gag Jazzy and the Pussycats
381 September 24, 2006 Please Homer, Don't Hammer 'Em 67.JPG no gag
(But during the episode, Skinner writes A baby beat me up. when Bart begins torturing Skinner by taking advantage of his peanut allergy)
Please Homer, Don't Hammer 'Em
382 November 5, 2006 no gag Treehouse of Horror XVII
383 November 12, 2006
G. I. D'oh (Chalkboard Gag).jpg
We are not all naked under our clothes. G.I. (Annoyed Grunt)
384 November 19, 2006 no gag Moe'N'a Lisa
385 November 26, 2006 no gag Ice Cream of Margie (with the Light Blue Hair)
386 December 10, 2006 no gag The Haw-Hawed Couple
387 December 17, 2006 Frankincense is not a monster. Kill Gil, Volumes I & II
388 January 7, 2007 no gag The Wife Aquatic
389 January 28, 2007 no gag Revenge is a Dish Best Served Three Times
390 February 11, 2007 Little Big Girl 47.JPG no gag
(But during the episode, Bart writes So long suckers.)
Little Big Girl
391 February 18, 2007 no gag Springfield Up
392 March 4, 2007 no gag Yokel Chords
393 March 11, 2007 no gag Rome-Old and Julie-Eh
394 March 25, 2007 Global warming did not eat my homework. Homerazzi
395 April 22, 2007 no gag Marge Gamer
396 April 29, 2007 no gag The Boys of Bummer
397 May 6, 2007 I will not look up what teacher makes. Crook and Ladder
398 May 13, 2007 Pearls are not oyster barf. Stop or My Dog Will Shoot!
399 May 20, 2007 no gag (special 24-style opening) 24 Minutes
400 May 20, 2007 no gag
(normal opening replaced with a black screen that has "20 years ago", followed by a full showing of the Tracy Ullman Show short Family Portrait)
You Kent Always Say What You Want

The Simpsons Movie

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
1 July 27, 2007 MCE1.png I will not illegally download this movie. The Simpsons Movie

Season 19

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
401 September 23, 2007 BartChalkboardCallback.jpg I will not wait 20 years to make another movie.

(This is a reference to a possibility of another Simpsons feature film being in development hell)

He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs
402 September 30, 2007 The Wall Street Journal is better than ever.png The Wall Street Journal is better than ever. The Homer of Seville
403 October 7, 2007 no gag Midnight Towboy
404 October 14, 2007 I am not an FDIC-insured bank.png I am not an FDIC-insured bank. I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
405 November 4, 2007 no gag Treehouse of Horror XVIII
406 November 11, 2007 There is no such thing as an iPoddy.png There is no such thing as an iPoddy.
(this episode has some added laughing from Bart while he runs out of the classroom)
Little Orphan Millie
407 November 18, 2007 The pilgrims were not illegal aliens.png The Pilgrims were not illegal aliens. Husbands and Knives
408 November 25, 2007 no gag Funeral for a Fiend
409 December 16, 2007 Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind - Chalkboard Gag.png The capital of Montana is not "Hannah".

(Reference to the hit Disney Channel show Hannah Montana)

Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind
410 January 6, 2008 The teacher did not pay too much for her condo.png Teacher

did not pay too much for her condo.

E. Pluribus Wiggum
411 January 27, 2008 no gag That '90s Show
412 February 17, 2008 no gag Love, Springfieldian Style
413 March 2, 2008 The Debarted - Chalkboard Gag.png The art teacher is fat, not pregnant. The Debarted
414 March 9, 2008 no gag Dial "N" for Nerder
415 March 30, 2008 no gag Smoke on the Daughter
416 April 13, 2008 no gag Papa Don't Leech
417 April 27, 2008 A person's a person no matter how Ralph.png A person's a person, no matter how Ralph.

(This parodies the quote "A person's a person, no matter how small" from Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who!)

Apocalypse Cow
418 May 4, 2008 no gag Any Given Sundance
419 May 11, 2008 This punishment is not medieval.png This punishment is not medieval.
(in a medieval writing style)
Mona Leaves-a
420 May 18, 2008 no gag All About Lisa

Season 20

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
421 September 28, 2008 no gag Sex, Pies, and Idiot Scrapes
422 October 5, 2008 Teacher's diet is working.png Teacher's diet is working. Lost Verizon
423 October 19, 2008 There's no such month as Rocktober.png There is no such month as Rocktober. Double, Double, Boy in Trouble
424 November 2, 2008 no gag Treehouse of Horror XIX
425 November 9, 2008 I did not see teacher siphoning gas.png I did not see my teacher siphoning gas. Dangerous Curves
426 November 16, 2008 no gag Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words
427 November 30, 2008 Prosperity is just around the corner.pngCouch Gag No.237.png Prosperity is just around the corner.
(And in the couch gag, Bart writes I will not bring the chalkboard home.)
Mypods and Boomsticks
428 December 7, 2008 Jesus is not mad his birthday is on Christmas.png Jesus

is not mad his birthday is on Christmas.

The Burns and the Bees
429 January 25, 2009 I will not use permanent ink on the chalkboard.png I will not use permanent ink on the chalkboard.
(Last chalkboard gag to be in 4:3 standard definition)
Lisa the Drama Queen
430 February 15, 2009 Simpsons chalkboard gag.jpg HDTV is worth every cent.
(First chalkboard gag to be in 16:9 high definition)
Take My Life, Please
431 March 1, 2009 March Madness is not an excuse for missing school.png "March Madness" is not an excuse for missing school. How the Test Was Won
432 March 8, 2009 I will not have fun with educational toys.png I will not have fun with educational toys. No Loan Again, Naturally
433 March 15, 2009 No gag Gone Maggie Gone
434 March 22, 2009 暴风截图20141920168750.jpg Four leaf clovers are not mutant freaks. In the Name of the Grandfather
435 March 29, 2009 IMG 1606.PNG My piggy bank is not entitled to TARP funds. Wedding for Disaster
436 April 5, 2009 No gag Eeny Teeny Maya, Moe
437 April 19, 2009 The Good, the Sad and the Drugly -00007.jpg I will not mock teacher's outdated cell phone. The Good, the Sad and the Drugly
438 April 26, 2009 Father Knows Worst Chalkboard Gag.JPG I will not put hot sauce in the CPR dummy. Father Knows Worst
439 May 3, 2009 no gag Waverly Hills, 9-0-2-1-D'oh
440 May 10, 2009 no gag Four Great Women and a Manicure
441 May 17, 2009 IMG 1605.PNG It's 'Facebook', not 'Assbook'. Coming to Homerica

Season 21

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
442 September 27, 2009
Homer the Whopper -00007.jpg
The class hamster isn't just sleeping. Homer the Whopper
443 October 4, 2009
Bart Gets a Z Chalkboard Gag.JPG
Chalkboarding is not torture. Bart Gets a 'Z'
444 October 11, 2009
The Great Wife Hope Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I am not allergic to long division. The Great Wife Hope
445 October 18, 2009 no gag Treehouse of Horror XX
446 November 15, 2009 I do not have the hots for my mom. (this would be considered incest, and is most likely referring to (and referencing) the episode Tennis the Menace). The Devil Wears Nada
447 November 22, 2009 Halloween does not kick Thanksgiving's ass. Pranks and Greens
448 November 29, 2009
Rednecks and Broomsticks Chalkboard Gag.JPG
Teachers' unions are not ruining this country. Rednecks and Broomsticks
449 December 13, 2009 no gag O Brother, Where Bart Thou?
450 January 3, 2010 no gag Thursdays with Abie
451 January 10, 2010
Once Upon a Time in Springfield Chalkboard Gag.JPG
The world may end in 2012, but this show won't. Once Upon a Time in Springfield
452 January 31, 2010 no gag Million Dollar Maybe
453 February 14, 2010 no gag Boy Meets Curl
454 February 21, 2010 no gag The Color Yellow
455 March 14, 2010 no gag Postcards From the Wedge
456 March 21, 2010
Stealing First Base Chalkboard Gag.JPG
World War II could not beat up World War I. Stealing First Base
457 March 28, 2010 no gag The Greatest Story Ever D'ohed
458 April 11, 2010
American History X-cellent - 00004.jpg
Hot dogs are not bookmarks. American History X-cellent
459 April 18, 2010
Chief of Hearts Chalkboard Gag.JPG
This counts as gym and art class. Chief of Hearts
460 April 25, 2010
Original airing: South Park, we'd stand beside you if we weren't so scared.
(reference to the South Park creators receiving death threats at the time)

Online version: Je ne suis pas français (I am not French)

The Squirt and the Whale
461 May 2, 2010 no gag To Surveil With Love
462 May 9, 2010
Moe letter blues - 00005.jpg
Eating my vegetables is not a Mother's Day present. Moe Letter Blues
463 May 16, 2010
The Bob next door - 00005.jpg
Batman is not 'nothing' without his utility belt. The Bob Next Door
464 May 23, 2010
Judge me tender - 00004.jpg
End of "Lost": It was all the dog's dream. Watch us. (The series finale of Lost aired the same day as the episode; the gag also references the ending of St. Elsewhere) Judge Me Tender

Season 22

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
465 September 26, 2010
Elementary School Musical -00003.jpg
When I slept in class, it was not to help Leo DiCaprio. (reference to Inception) Elementary School Musical
466 October 3, 2010
Loan-a Lisa Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I did not see teacher applying for welfare. Loan-a Lisa
467 October 10, 2010 MoneyBART opening sequence.jpg I must not write all over the walls.
(Bart wrote all over the classroom)
468 November 7, 2010 no gag Treehouse of Horror XXI
469 November 14, 2010 no gag Lisa Simpson, This Isn't Your Life
470 November 21, 2010 no gag The Fool Monty
471 November 28, 2010
How Munched Is That Birdie in the Window Chalkboard Gag.JPG
A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving is as good as A Charlie Brown Christmas. How Munched Is That Birdie in the Window?
472 December 5, 2010 no gag The Fight Before Christmas
473 December 12, 2010
Donnie Fatso Chalkboard Gag.JPG
Candy canes are not elf bones. Donnie Fatso
474 January 9, 2011
Moms I'd Like to Forget Chalkboard Gag.JPG
January is not Bart History Month. Moms I'd Like to Forget
475 January 16, 2011 no gag Flaming Moe
476 January 23, 2011
Homer the Father Chalkboard Gag.JPG
Prince is not the son of Martin Luther King. Homer the Father
477 February 13, 2011
The Blue and the Gray Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I will not make fun of Cupid's dink. The Blue and the Gray
478 February 20, 2011 no gag Angry Dad: The Movie
479 March 6, 2011
The Scorpion's Tale Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I'm not here on a Spitball scholarship. The Scorpion's Tale
480 March 13, 2011 "Daylight Savings” is not a failed bank. A Midsummer's Nice Dream
481 March 27, 2011 I will not ridicule teacher's Final Four bracket. Love is a Many Strangled Thing
482 April 10, 2011 no gag The Great Simpsina
483 May 1, 2011 no gag The Real Housewives of Fat Tony
484 May 8, 2011
Homer Scissorhands Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I do not deserve a Mother's Day gift for being "one badass mother". Homer Scissorhands
485 May 15, 2011
500 keys chalkboard.PNG
Guinea pigs should not be used as "Guinea Pigs".
(on Hulu, it's It's Kristen Schaal, not Kristen Schall., which references to the said guest star's name being incorrectly spelled in the end credits in the previous episode)
"500 Keys"
486 May 22, 2011 no gag The Ned-liest Catch

Season 23

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
487 September 25, 2011 no gag The Falcon and the D'ohman
488 October 2, 2011 The-Simpsons-s23e02-Its-not-too-early-to-speculate.jpg It's not too early to speculate about the 2016 election. Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts
489 October 30, 2011 no gag Treehouse of Horror XXII
490 November 6, 2011
Replaceable You Chalkboard Gag.JPG
It's November 6th -- How come we're not airing a Halloween show?
(reference to the Treehouse of Horror series, which usually airs after Halloween)
Replaceable You
491 November 13, 2011 no gag The Food Wife
492 November 20, 2011 no gag The Book Job
493 November 27, 2011 no gag The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants
494 December 4, 2011
Ten Per Cent Solution Chalkboard Gag.jpg
"Caucus" is not a dirty word. The Ten-Per-Cent Solution
495 December 11, 2011
Holidays of Future Passed - Chalkboard Gag.png
Cafeteria trays are not toboggans. Holidays of Future Passed
496 January 8, 2012
Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson Chalkboard gag.JPG
Tintin did not suck suck. Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson
497 January 15, 2012
The D'oh-cial Network Chalkboard Gag.JPG
We do need no education. (Reference to Pink Floyd's Another Brick in the Wall) The D'oh-cial Network
498 January 29, 2012 There's no proven link between raisins and boogers. Moe Goes from Rags to Riches
499 February 12, 2012
The Daughter Also Rises Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I will not replace a candy heart with a frog's heart. The Daughter Also Rises
500 February 19, 2012 Barts-earned-a-day-off.pngAt Long Last Leave chalkboard gag Outlands.png Bart's earned a day off.
(written by Milhouse)
(and during the episode, Bart spray-paints I *Heart* the breakdown of society., and leaves with a motorcycle instead of a skateboard)
At Long Last Leave
501 March 4, 2012 no gag Exit Through the Kwik-E-Mart
502 March 11, 2012 no gag How I Wet Your Mother
503 March 18, 2012 no gag Them, Robot
504 April 15, 2012
Beware My Cheating Bart Chalkboard Gag.JPG
The true location of Springfield is in any state but yours. (References the ambiguity of Springfield's state) Beware My Cheating Bart
505 April 29, 2012 no gag A Totally Fun Thing That Bart Will Never Do Again
506 May 6, 2012 no gag The Spy Who Learned Me
507 May 13, 2012
Ned n Edna's Blend Chalkboard Gag.jpg
Call your mother during the commercials. (The episode premiered on Mother's Day) Ned 'N Edna's Blend
508 May 20, 2012 no gag Lisa Goes Gaga

Season 24

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
509 September 30, 2012
Moonshine River Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I will not wear white after Labor Day.
(Bart is actually wearing a white suit)
Moonshine River
510 October 7, 2012 no gag Treehouse of Horror XXIII
511 November 4, 2012 no gag Adventures in Baby-Getting
512 November 11, 2012
Gone Abie Gone Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I will not concede the election till Karl Rove gives me permission.
(reference to Rove's panicked appearance on Fox News Channel's preceding election night coverage following the re-election of President Obama)
Gone Abie Gone
513 November 18, 2012
Penny-Wiseguys -00009.jpg
I want to secede but don't know which state I'm in.
(another joke about Springfield's state being ambiguous)
514 November 25, 2012
A Tree Grows in Springfield Chalkboard Gag.JPG
20 more shoplifting days till Christmas. A Tree Grows in Springfield
515 December 9, 2012 no gag The Day the Earth Stood Cool
516 December 16,2012 no gag To Cur, with Love
517 January 6, 2013 The teacher did not get fat during the holidays. Homer Goes to Prep School
518 January 13,2013
A Test Before Trying Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I will obey Oscar campaign rules from now on. A Test Before Trying
519 January 27,2013 no gag Changing of the Guardian
520 February 10,2013
Love is a Many Splintered Thing Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I wasn't nominated for "Best Spoken Swear Word". Love Is a Many-Splintered Thing
521 February 17, 2013 I will not tweet as the principal's toilet. Hardly Kirk-ing
522 March 3, 2013 no gag Gorgeous Grampa
523 March 10, 2013
Black-eyed Please Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I'm sorry I broke the blackboard.
(written on a whiteboard)
Black-Eyed, Please
524 March 17, 2013
Dark Knight Court Chalkboard Gag.JPG
Jesus' last words were not 'TGIF'. Dark Knight Court
525 April 14, 2013 no gag What Animated Women Want
526 April 28, 2013 no gag Pulpit Friction
527 May 5, 2013 no gag Whiskey Business
528 May 12, 2013 This school is not falling apart.
(the blackboard collapses as Bart leaves)
The Fabulous Faker Boy
529 May 19, 2013 no gag The Saga of Carl
530 May 19, 2013 no gag Dangers on a Train

Season 25

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
531 September 29, 2013
Homerland Chalkboard Gag.jpg

25 years and they can't come up with a new punishment.

(possibly a reference to that there has been 25 years of chalkboard gags)

532 October 6, 2013
Treehouse of Horror XXIV (038).jpg
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. (Another reference to The Shining; Stephen King is then shown to write it repeatedly on another wall) Treehouse of Horror XXIV
533 November 3, 2013
Four Regrettings and a Funeral (Chalkboard Gag).jpg
We'll really miss you, Mrs. K.
(written only once and Bart is sad; a reference to Mrs. Krabappel's voice actress, Marcia Wallace, passing away nine days before this episode aired)
Four Regrettings and a Funeral
534 November 10, 2013
Yolo Chalkboard Gag.JPG
My school schedule does not include a bye week.

During the episode: I will not drop a stitch

535 November 17, 2013 Rocktober is not followed by Blowvember. Labor Pains
536 November 24, 2013 no gag The Kid is All Right
537 December 8, 2013
Yellow Subterfuge Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I will stop asking when Santa goes to the bathroom. Yellow Subterfuge
538 December 15, 2013
White Christmas Blues Chalkboard Gag.JPG
I will not call my teacher 'Prancer' and 'Vixen'. White Christmas Blues
539 January 5, 2014 no gag Steal This Episode
540 January 12, 2014
Married to the Blob Chalkboard Gag.jpg
Premiere: Judas Priest is not 'death metal'. (Reference to the band being stereotyped as such in the previous episode)
Later airings: If you haven't broken your Christmas presents yet, you're not trying.
Married to the Blob
541 January 26, 2014 no gag Specs and the City
542 March 9, 2014 No gag, instead a tournament bracket of characters with Homer and Jasper Beardly in the finals Diggs
543 March 9, 2014 no gag The Man Who Grew Too Much
544 March 16, 2014 My dad's already drunk for St. Patrick's. The Winter of His Content
545 March 23, 2014 no gag The War of Art
546 March 30, 2014 no gag You Don't Have to Live Like a Referee
547 April 6, 2014 no gag Luca$
548 April 13, 2014 no gag Days of Future Future
549 April 27, 2014 April showers do not bring Matt Lauers.
(Hulu showings have You can't play April Fools jokes on April 27th.)
What to Expect When Bart's Expecting
550 May 4, 2014 no gag Brick Like Me
551 May 11, 2014 no gag Pay Pal
552 May 18, 2014 no gag The Yellow Badge of Cowardge

Season 26

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
553 September 28, 2014
Clown in the Dumps chalkboard gag.png
Spoiler Alert: Unfortunately, my dad doesn't die.
(reference to the controversy of the marketing for the episode, where it implied that a major character in the show would die in the premiere, with some spotlights implying that Homer would die, when it was instead Rabbi Hyman Krustofsky who dies)
Clown in the Dumps
554 October 5, 2014 no gag The Wreck of the Relationship
555 October 12, 2014 no gag Super Franchise Me
556 October 19, 2014 no gag Treehouse of Horror XXV
557 November 2, 2014 no gag Opposites A-Frack
558 November 9, 2014 no gag Simpsorama
559 November 16, 2014 no gag Blazed and Confused
560 November 23, 2014 no gag Covercraft
561 December 7, 2014
Reindeer meat does not taste like chicken. I Won't Be Home for Christmas
562 January 4, 2015 no gag The Man Who Came to Be Dinner
563 January 11, 2015
Bart's New Friend -00003.jpg
Snowmen don't have carrot penises. Bart's New Friend
564 January 25, 2015 no gag The Musk Who Fell To Earth
565 February 8, 2015 no gag Walking Big & Tall
566 February 15, 2015
My Fare Lady -opening sequence 00005.jpg

Pixel art is not real art.

(the screen appears pixelated during the gag)

My Fare Lady
567 March 1, 2015 no gag The Princess Guide
568 March 8, 2015 no gag Sky Police
569 March 15, 2015 no gag Waiting for Duffman
570 April 19, 2015 no gag Peeping Mom
571 April 26, 2015
The Kids Are All Fight chalkboard gag.png
I will not pay my sister to do my punishment.
(Lisa writes this while Bart is watching her)
The Kids Are All Fight
572 May 3, 2015 no gag Let's Go Fly a Coot
573 May 10, 2015 no gag Bull-E
574 May 17, 2015
Mathlete's Feat 51.JPG
Mathlete's Feat 52.JPG
Mathlete's Feat 53.JPG
no gag (but during the episode, Bart starts writing I will not before the chalkboard is taken away and replaced with an electronic one. Putting the chalk in his pocket, Bart writes I will not fight the future. with his finger once, then copies it multiple times over and inverts the screen) Mathlete's Feat

Season 27

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
575 September 27, 2015 no gag Every Man's Dream
576 October 4, 2015 no gag Cue Detective
577 October 11, 2015 no gag Puffless
578 October 18, 2015 no gag Halloween of Horror
579 October 25, 2015 no gag Treehouse of Horror XXVI
580 November 8, 2015 no gag Friend with Benefit
581 November 22, 2015 no gag Lisa with an "S"
582 December 6, 2015 no gag Paths of Glory
583 December 13, 2015 no gag Barthood
584 January 3, 2016 no gag The Girl Code
585 January 10, 2016 no gag Teenage Mutant Milk-caused Hurdles
586 January 17, 2016 no gag Much Apu About Something
587 February 14, 2016
Hershey Kisses do not drop from Cupid's butt. Love Is in the N2-O2-Ar-CO2-Ne-He-CH4
588 February 21, 2016 no gag Gal of Constant Sorrow
589 March 6, 2016 no gag Lisa the Veterinarian
590 March 13, 2016 no gag The Marge-ian Chronicles
591 April 3, 2016
If Villanova doesn't win we lose everything. The Burns Cage
592 April 10, 2016
Never lose a bet to Bart Simpson.
(written by Principal Skinner while Bart watches)
How Lisa Got Her Marge Back
593 April 24, 2016
Dad swears he'll get his taxes in soon. Fland Canyon
594 May 8, 2016
Dirty clothes are not a Mother's day gift. To Courier with Love
595 May 15, 2016 no gag Simprovised
596 May 22, 2016
Milhouse does not live below the puberty line. Orange is the New Yellow

Season 28

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
597 September 25, 2016
This arm needs Tommy John surgery.png
This arm needs Tommy John surgery. Monty Burns' Fleeing Circus
598 October 2, 2016
I will stop losing 50% of my NFL lead-in.png
I will stop losing 50% of my NFL lead-in. Friends and Family
599 October 9, 2016 no gag The Town
600 October 16, 2016 no gag Treehouse of Horror XXVII
601 October 23, 2016
The first episode of the second 600.png
The first episode of the second 600. Trust But Clarify
602 November 6, 2016 no gag There Will Be Buds
603 November 13, 2016
Being right suck.jpg
Being right sucks.
(reference to The Simpsons correctly predicting the results of the 2016 election in Bart to the Future)
Havana Wild Weekend
604 November 20, 2016
Bandicam 2016-12-15 04-44-53-176.jpg
I will watch all 600 episodes without sleeping.
(FXX's "The Simpsons 600 Marathon" would begin the following week)
Dad Behavior
605 December 4, 2016 no gag The Last Traction Hero
606 December 11, 2016 no gag The Nightmare After Krustmas
607 January 8, 2017 no gag Pork and Burns
608/609 January 15, 2017 no gag The Great Phatsby
610 February 12, 2017
If we're so good at predicting, how come my dad bet on Atlanta?
(reference to the New England Patriots' comeback win in Super Bowl LI)
611 February 19, 2017 no gag The Cad and the Hat
612 March 5, 2017
We're the only house where the Christmas tree is still up. Kamp Krustier
613 March 12, 2017 no gag 22 For 30
614 March 19, 2017
Studying is not 'appropriating nerd culture'.
(And during the episode, two instances occurred: Lisa writes Everybody's a winner. and later, Bart writes I did nothing wrong this week.)
A Father's Watch
615 April 2, 2017 no gag The Caper Chase
616 April 30, 2017
Screen Shot 2017-04-28 at 7.16.34 PM.png
no gag
(but during the episode, Grampa writes I just wrote one and I'm already tired.)
Looking for Mr. Goodbart
617 May 7, 2017 no gag Moho House
618 May 21, 2017
S28e22 10.jpg
Thank you for 28 great years...Taylor Swift. Dogtown

Season 29

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
619 October 1, 2017 no gag The Serfsons
620 October 8, 2017 no gag Springfield Splendor
621 October 15, 2017
S29e03 chalkboard.PNG
It's unfair to judge a president on his first 300 days. Whistler's Father
622 October 22, 2017 no gag Treehouse of Horror XXVIII
623 November 5, 2017
S29e05 chalkboard.PNG
Hooligan is not a profession.
(And during the episode, Bart writes I will not five times using multiple chalks at once)
Grampy Can Ya Hear Me
624 November 12, 2017
S29e06 chalkboard.png
I will not ask my guidance counselor why he couldn't get a better job. The Old Blue Mayor She Ain't What She Used To Be
625 November 19, 2017
The Shrimpsons 4.png
We do not live in our own pee. (Written by a fish Bart in an underwater classroom) Singin' In The Lane
626 December 3, 2017 no gag Mr. Lisa's Opus
627 December 10, 2017
S29e09 chalkboard gag.PNG
Snow angels are not frozen hobos. Gone Boy
628 January 7, 2018 no gag Haw-Haw Land
629 January 14, 2018
S29e11 chalkboard.PNG
Strangling is not an effective parenting tool. (Homer is seen doing it while Bart smugly watches) Frink Gets Testy
630 March 18, 2018 no gag Homer Is Where the Art Isn't
631 March 18, 2018 no gag 3 Scenes Plus a Tag from a Marriage
632 April 1, 2018 This is the last episode. (Bart flips the chalkboard over to reveal another punishment saying April Fool.) Fears of a Clown
633 April 8, 2018 April showers did not date the President. No Good Read Goes Unpunished
634 April 15, 2018 no gag King Leer
635 April 22, 2018
2917 blackboard.PNG
I will not bet with Bart on the Final Four.(written by Homer while Bart watches) Lisa Gets the Blues
636 April 29, 2018 no gag Forgive and Regret
637 May 6, 2018 no gag Left Behind
638 May 13, 2018 no gag Throw Grampa from the Dane
639 May 20, 2018 no gag Flanders' Ladder

Season 30

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
640 September 30, 2018 no gag Bart's Not Dead
641 October 7, 2018 no gag Heartbreak Hotel
642 October 14, 2018 no gag My Way or the Highway to Heaven
643 October 21, 2018 no gag Treehouse of Horror XXIX
644 November 4, 2018 no gag Baby You Can't Drive My Car
645 November 11, 2018 In-episode (on the street):

I will not order pregnant rats

From Russia Without Love
646 November 18, 2018 no gag Werking Mom
647 November 25, 2018 no gag Krusty the Clown
648 December 2, 2018 My pre-Christmas behavior really helps the coal industry Daddicus Finch
649 December 9, 2018 The fat man who works one night a year is my dad 'Tis the 30th Season
650 January 6, 2019 My new year's resolution was to quit school Mad About the Toy
651 January 13, 2019 no gag The Girl on The Bus
652 February 10, 2019 no gag I'm Dancing As Fat As I Can
653 February 17, 2019 no gag The Clown Stays in the Picture
654 March 3, 2019 Chili fries do not go in like a lamb and out like a lion 101 Mitigations
655 March 10, 2019 No gag, instead a bracket-style tournament of characters with Krusty and Apu in the finals I Want You (She's So Heavy)
656 March 17, 2019 no gag E My Sports
657 March 24, 2019 no gag Bart vs. Itchy & Scratchy
658 March 31, 2019 I am not a grandmother Girl's in the Band
659 April 7, 2019 I will not write "audit please" on Homer's tax return. I'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say D'oh
660 April 28, 2019 Bart writes "Haw Haw!" on it, but then hits the blackboard, which rotates to reveal Nelson taped to the other side. D'oh Canada
661 May 5, 2019 no gag Woo-hoo Dunnit?
662 May 12, 2019 no gag

During the episode, Bart writes I will not shirk my responsibilities.

Crystal Blue-Haired Persuasion

Season 31

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title
663 September 29, 2019 no gag The Winter of Our Monetized Content
664 October 6, 2019 no gag Go Big or Go Homer
665 October 13, 2019 no gag The Fat Blue Line
666 October 20, 2019 no gag Treehouse of Horror XXX
667 November 3, 2019 no gag Gorillas on the Mast
668 November 10, 2019 Daylight savings isn't something I can spend Marge the Lumberjill
669 November 17, 2019 no gag Livin La Pura Vida
670 November 24, 2019 no gag Thanksgiving of Horror
671 December 1, 2019 Idle hands are the Devil's tools.

(written by Todd Flanders using both of his hands)

Todd, Todd, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?
672 December 15, 2019 no gag Bobby, It's Cold Outside
673 January 5, 2020 Teacher spent new year's eve at home by choice Hail to the Teeth
674 February 16, 2020 no gag The Miseducation of Lisa Simpson
675 February 23, 2020 no gag Frinkcoin
676 March 1, 2020 no gag Bart the Bad Guy
677 March 8, 2020 no gag Screenless
678 March 15, 2020 Bart is at a Doctor's appointment.

(Written by Lisa)

Better Off Ned (episode)
679 March 22, 2020 no gag Highway to Well
680 April 19, 2020 School online

(One line is already written and Bart is absent; a reference to the COVID-19 pandemic) ("I must not write on mountain", written by Bart on the snowy mountain during the couch gag)

The Incredible Lightness of Being a Baby
681 April 26, 2020 How did the boy get me to do this?

(Written by Homer while Bart watches)

Warrin' Priests (Part One)
682 May 3, 2020 I will stop reminding the principal I have a later bedtime than he does. Warrin' Priests (Part Two)
683 May 10, 2020 no gag The Hateful Eight-Year-Olds
684 May 17, 2020 no gag Way of the Dog

Season 32

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode Title
685 September 27, 2020 no gag Undercover Burns
686 October 4, 2020 no gag I, Carumbus
687 October 11, 2020 no gag Now Museum, Now You Don't
688 November 1, 2020 no gag Treehouse of Horror XXXI
689 November 8, 2020 no gag The 7 Beer Itch
690 November 15, 2020 no gag Podcast News
691 November 22, 2020 no gag Three Dreams Denied
692 November 29, 2020 no gag The Road to Cincinnati
693 December 6, 2020 I will not put laxatives in Santa's cookies. Sorry Not Sorry
694 December 13, 2020 no gag A Springfield Summer Christmas for


695 January 3, 2021 no gag The Dad-Feelings Limited
696 February 21, 2021
Diary Queen - 350.png
(During the episode) I will never be a teacher's pet. Diary Queen
697 February 28, 2021 no gag Wad Goals
698 March 7, 2021 no gag Yokel Hero
699 March 14, 2021 no gag Do PizzaBots Dream of Electric Guitars?
700 March 21, 2021 no gag Manger Things
701 March 28, 2021 no gag Uncut Femmes
702 April 11, 2021 no gag Burger Kings
703 April 18, 2021 no gag Panic on the Streets of Springfield
704 May 9, 2021 no gag Mother and Child Reunion
705 May 16, 2021 no gag The Man from G.R.A.M.P.A.
706 May 23, 2021 no gag The Last Barfighter

Season 33

# Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode Title
707 September 26, 2021 no gag The Star of the Backstage
708 October 3, 2021 no gag Bart's in Jail!
709 October 10, 2021 (During the episode) I hate rhyming couplets. Treehouse of Horror XXXII
710 October 17, 2021 no gag The Wayz We Were
711 October 24, 2021 no gag Lisa's Belly
712 November 7, 2021 no gag A Serious Flanders: Part One
713 November 14, 2021 no gag A Serious Flanders: Part Two
714 November 21, 2021 no gag Portrait of a Lackey on Fire
715 November 28, 2021 no gag Mothers and Other Strangers
716 December 19, 2021 no gag A Made Maggie
717 January 2, 2022 no gag The Longest Marge
718 February 27, 2022 no gag Pixelated and Afraid
719 March 6, 2022 no gag Boyz N the Highlands
720 March 13, 2022 no gag You Won't Believe What This Episode Is About - Act

Three Will Shock You!

721 March 20, 2022 no gag Bart the Cool Kid
722 March 27, 2022 no gag Pretty Whittle Liar
723 April 10, 2022 no gag The Sound of Bleeding Gums
724 April 24, 2022 (During the episode) I will not express my feelings through chaos. My Octopus and a Teacher
725 May 1, 2022 no gag Girls Just Shauna Have Fun
726 May 8, 2022 (During the reversed opening sequence in the end credits)

I will not violate the laws of entropy.

Marge the Meanie
727 May 15, 2022 TBA Meat Is Murder
728 May 22, 2022 TBA Poorhouse Rock

In non-Simpsons media

Original show Airdate Screenshot Gag Episode title Character who wrote the gag
The FairlyOdd November 21, 2003 Vlcsnap-2017-03-17-12h05m19s132.png
The Fairly OddParents Channel Chasers.jpg
This is the sincerest form of flattery. Channel Chasers Timmy Turner
South Park April 12, 2006 South Park episode Cartoon Wars Part II.jpg I hate Family Guy. Cartoon Wars Part II Bart Simpson
Invader Zim 1999 (Completion year)

December 24, 2011

Invader zim -00001.jpg
Invader zim -00002.jpg

is not an alien.
Yes he is.
My hand hurts.
My hand is going to fall off.
ZIM dissects farm animals.

Pilot Dib
Family Guy September 28, 2014 The simpsons guy -00017.jpg I will not think about Bart anymore. The Simpsons Guy Stewie Griffin
Histeria! November 7, 1998 Loud Kiddington as Bart.jpg I do not need a megaphone! The Thomas Jefferson Program Loud Kiddington
Phineas and Ferb July 12, 2013
Animals are people too.png
"Animals are People Too!" La Candace-Cabra Major Monogram
Power Rangers Ninja Storm July 26, 2003 "My Uncle Lothor's Evil Empire" Sensei Switcheroo Marah & Kapri
Kid vs. Kat May 14, 2011
"I will not break priceless space artifacts" Coop D'Etat Coop