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Revision as of 02:34, 12 April 2010
The following is a list of chalkboard gags seen on The Simpsons .
Season 1
#
Airdate
Gag
Episode Name
1
December 17, 1989
no gag
Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire
2
January 14, 1990
I will not waste chalk
Bart the Genius
3
January 21, 1990
I will not skateboard in the halls
Homer's Odyssey
4
January 28, 1990
I will not burp in class
There's No Disgrace Like Home
5
February 4, 1990
no gag - shortened opening due to time
Bart the General
6
February 11, 1990
I will not instigate revolution
Moaning Lisa
7
February 18, 1990
I will not draw naked ladies in class
Call of the Simpsons
8
February 25, 1990
I did not see Elvis
The Telltale Head
9
March 18, 1990
no gag - shortened opening due to time
Life on the Fast Lane
10
March 25, 1990
I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
Homer's Night Out
11
April 15, 1990
Garlic gum is not funny
The Crepes of Wrath
12
April 29, 1990
They are laughing at me, not with me
Krusty Gets Busted
13
May 13, 1990
I will not yell "Fire!" in a crowded classroom
Some Enchanted Evening
Season 2
#
Airdate
Gag
Episode Name
14
October 11, 1990
I will not encourage others to fly (And during the episode: I will not fake my way through life)
Bart Gets an F
15
October 18, 1990
Tar is not a plaything
Simpson and Delilah
16
October 25, 1990
no gag
Treehouse of Horror
17
November 1, 1990
I will not Xerox my butt (Alternate chalkboard gag aired on June 2, 1992 rerun - "It's 'potato', not 'potatoe'")
Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish
18
November 8, 1990
I will not trade pants with others
Dancin' Homer
19
November 15, 1990
I am not a 32 year old woman (though at the time, the voice of Bart, Nancy Cartwright , was)
Dead Putting Society
20
November 22, 1990
I will not do that thing with my tongue
Bart vs. Thanksgiving
21
December 6, 1990
I will not drive the principal's car (similar chalkboard gag in The Months , with the principal being replaced by December)
Bart the Daredevil
22
December 20, 1990
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
Itchy & Scratchy & Marge
23
January 10, 1991
I will not sell school property
Bart Gets Hit by a Car
24
January 24, 1991
I will not cut corners (This is written for 3 lines. The remaining lines are all "ditto" quotation marks.)
One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish
25
January 31, 1991
I will not get very far with this attitude
The Way We Was
26
February 7, 1991
I will not make flatulent noises in class
Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment
27
February 14, 1991
I will not belch the national anthem
Principal Charming
28
February 21, 1991
I will not sell land in Florida
Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?
29
March 7, 1991
I will not sell school property
Bart's Dog Gets an F
30
March 28, 1991
I will not grease the monkey bars
Old Money
31
April 11, 1991
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
Brush with Greatness
32
April 25, 1991
no gag
Lisa's Substitute
33
May 2, 1991
I will not do anything bad ever again
The War of the Simpsons
34
May 9, 1991
I will not show off (This was written in Blackletter.)
Three Men and a Comic Book
35
July 11, 1991
I will not sleep through my education
Blood Feud
Season 3
#
Airdate
Gag
Episode Name
36
September 19, 1991
I am not a dentist
Stark Raving Dad
37
September 26, 1991
Spitwads are not free speech
Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington
38
October 3, 1991
Nobody likes sunburn slappers
When Flanders Failed
39
October 10, 1991
High explosives and school don't mix (And during the episode: I will not bribe Principal Skinner)
Bart the Murderer
40
October 17, 1991
I will not squeak chalk(Bart makes the chalk squeak as he writes this.)
Homer Defined
41
October 24, 1991
I will finish what I sta (written only once)
Like Father, Like Clown
42
October 31, 1991
no gag
Treehouse of Horror II
43
November 7, 1991
"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
Lisa's Pony
44
November 14, 1991
I will not fake rabies
Saturdays of Thunder
45
November 21, 1991
Underwear should be worn on the inside
Flaming Moe's
46
December 5, 1991
The Christmas Pageant does not stink
Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk
47
December 26, 1991
I will not torment the emotionally frail
I Married Marge
48
January 9, 1992
I will not carve gods
Radio Bart
49
January 23, 1992
no gag
Lisa the Greek
50
February 6, 1992
I will not spank others
Homer Alone
51
February 13, 1992
no gag
Bart the Lover
52
February 20, 1992
I will not aim for the head(In this episode, a major character was hit in the head by a pitch during a baseball game.)
Homer at the Bat
53
February 27, 1992
I will not barf unless I'm sick (And during the episode: I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty)
Separate Vocations
54
March 12, 1992
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
Dog of Death
55
March 26, 1992
I will not conduct my own fire drills
Colonel Homer
56
April 9, 1992
Funny noises are not funny
Black Widower
57
April 23, 1992
I will not spin the turtle
The Otto Show
58
May 7, 1992
I will not snap bras
Bart's Friend Falls in Love
59
August 27, 1992
I will not fake seizures
Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?
Season 4
#
Airdate
Gag
Episode Name
60
September 24, 1992
This punishment is not boring and pointless
Kamp Krusty
61
October 01, 1992
My name is not "Dr. Death"
A Streetcar Named Marge
62
October 08, 1992
I will not defame New Orleans(This was due to complaints regarding the previous episode 's song about New Orleans.)
Homer the Heretic
63
October 15, 1992
I will not prescribe medication
Lisa the Beauty Queen
64
October 29, 1992
no gag
Treehouse of Horror III
65
November 03, 1992
I will not bury the new kid (During the episode, Marge writes "I will try to raise a better child.")
Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie
66
November 05, 1992
I will not teach others to fly
Marge Gets a Job
67
November 12, 1992
I will not bring sheep to class
New Kid on the Block
68
November 19, 1992
A burp is not an answer
Mr. Plow
69
December 03, 1992
Teacher is not a leper
Lisa's First Word
70
December 17, 1992
Coffee is not for kids (Each line becomes less legible and more scrawled.)
Homer's Triple Bypass
71
January 14, 1993
I will not eat things for money
Marge vs. the Monorail
72
January 21, 1993
I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
Selma's Choice
73
February 04, 1993
The principal 's toupée is not a frisbee
Brother from the Same Planet
74
February 11, 1993
I will not call the principal "spud head"
I Love Lisa
75
February 18, 1993
Goldfish don't bounce
Duffless
76
March 11, 1993
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
Last Exit to Springfield
77
April 01, 1993
No one is interested in my underpants
So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show
78
April 15, 1993
I will not sell miracle cures
The Front
79
April 29, 1993
I will return the seeing-eye dog
Whacking Day
80
May 06, 1993
I do not have diplomatic immunity
Marge in Chains
81
May 13,1993
I will not charge admission to the bathroom
Krusty Gets Kancelled
Season 5
#
Airdate
Gag
Episode Name
82
September 30, 1993
I will never win an Emmy (Nine Emmy awards had been won by the show and cast by show's date )
Homer's Barbershop Quartet
83
October 07, 1993
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
Cape Feare
84
October 14, 1993
no gag
Homer Goes to College
85
October 21, 1993
no gag
Rosebud
86
October 28, 1993
no gag
Treehouse of Horror IV
87
November 04, 1993
no gag
Marge on the Lam
88
November 11, 1993
no gag
Bart's Inner Child
89
November 18, 1993
no gag
Boy-Scoutz N the Hood
90
December 09, 1993
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
The Last Temptation of Homer
91
December 16, 1993
I will not say "Springfield " just to get applause
$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)
92
January 06, 1994
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
Homer the Vigilante
93
February 03, 1994
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
Bart Gets Famous
94
February 10, 1994
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
Homer and Apu
95
February 17, 1994
no gag
Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy
96
February 24, 1994
no gag
Deep Space Homer
97
March 17, 1994
I am not delightfully saucy
Homer Loves Flanders
98
March 31, 1994
Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
Bart Gets an Elephant
99
April 14, 1994
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan "
Burns' Heir
100
April 28, 1994
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones(100th episode )
Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song
101
May 05, 1994
There are plenty of businesses like show business
The Boy Who Knew Too Much
102
May 12, 1994
I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
Lady Bouvier's Lover
103
May 19, 1994
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
Secrets of a Successful Marriage
Season 6
#
Airdate
Gag
Episode Name
104
September 04, 1994
Beans are neither a fruit nor musical (This takes us back to "Whacking Day")
Bart of Darkness
105
September 11, 1994
No one is interested in my underpants (same as episode 77)
Lisa's Rival
106
September 25, 1994
I will not use abbrev.
Another Simpsons Clip Show
107
October 02, 1994
I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
Itchy & Scratchy Land
108
October 09, 1994
no gag
Sideshow Bob Roberts
109
October 30, 1994
no gag
Treehouse of Horror V
110
November 06, 1994
I will not send lard through the mail
Bart's Girlfriend
111
November 13, 1994
I will not dissect things unless instructed
Lisa on Ice
112
November 27, 1994
I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
Homer Badman
113
December 04, 1994
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man(recycled from 1F11)
Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy
114
December 18, 1994
Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
Fear of Flying
115
January 08, 1995
Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the principal
Homer the Great
116
January 22, 1995
'Bagman' is not a legitimate career choice
And Maggie Makes Three
117
February 05, 1995
Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
Bart's Comet
118
February 12, 1995
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
Homie the Clown
119
February 19, 1995
I will not hang donuts on my person
Bart vs. Australia
120
February 26, 1995
I will remember to take my medication
Homer vs. Patty & Selma
121
March 05, 1995
no gag
A Star Is Burns
122
March 19, 1995
I will not strut around like I own the place
Lisa's Wedding
123
April 09, 1995
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
Two Dozen and One Greyhounds
124
April 16, 1995
I do not have power of attorney over first graders
The PTA Disbands
125
April 30, 1995
Nerve gas is not a toy
'Round Springfield
126
May 07, 1995
I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
The Springfield Connection
127
May 14, 1995
The First Amendment does not cover burping
Lemon of Troy
128
May 21, 1995
This is not a clue... or is it? (part 1 of "Who Shot Mr. Burns? ")
Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part One)
Season 7
#
Airdate
Gag
Episode Name
129
September 17, 1995
I will not complain about the solution when I hear it (part 2 of "Who Shot Mr. Burns? ")
Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part Two)
130
September 24, 1995
"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
Radioactive Man
131
October 01, 1995
No one wants to hear from my armpits
Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily
132
October 08, 1995
I am not a lean mean spitting machine
Bart Sells His Soul
133
October 15, 1995
The boys' room is not a water park
Lisa the Vegetarian
134
October 29, 1995
no gag
Treehouse of Horror VI
135
November 05, 1995
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
King-Size Homer
136
November 19, 1995
no gag
Mother Simpson
137
November 26, 1995
Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming
138
December 03, 1995
I will only do this once a year ("The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular ," a clip show)
The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular
139
December 17, 1995
I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
Marge Be Not Proud
140
January 07, 1996
I am not certified to remove asbestos
Team Homer
141
January 14, 1996
no gag
Two Bad Neighbors
142
February 04, 1996
no gag
Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield
143
February 11, 1996
no gag
Bart the Fink
144
February 18, 1996
no gag
Lisa the Iconoclast
145
February 25, 1996
no gag
Homer the Smithers
146
March 17, 1996
no gag
The Day the Violence Died
147
March 24, 1996
no gag
A Fish Called Selma
148
March 31, 1996
no gag
Bart on the Road
149
April 14, 1996
no gag
22 Short Films About Springfield
150
April 28, 1996
no gag
Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"
151
May 05, 1996
no gag
Much Apu About Nothing
152
May 19, 1996
no gag
Homerpalooza
153
May 19, 1996
no gag
Summer of 4 Ft. 2
Season 8
Chalkboard gag
Airdate
Gag
Episode Name
154
October 27, 1996
no gag
Treehouse of Horror VII
155
November 03, 1996
I did not learn everything I need to know from kindergarten
You Only Move Twice
156
November 10, 1996
I am not my long-lost twin
The Homer They Fall
157
November 17, 1996
no gag
Burns, Baby Burns
158
November 24, 1996
no gag
Bart After Dark
159
December 01, 1996
no gag
A Milhouse Divided
160
December 15, 1996
no gag'(But during the episode, Lisa writes "I will not be a snickerpuss.")
Lisa's Date with Density
161
December 29, 1996
no gag
Hurricane Neddy
162
January 05, 1997
no gag
El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer)
163
January 12, 1997
The truth is not out there("The Springfield Files ," an X-Files parody episode)
The Springfield Files
164
January 19, 1997
I am not licensed to do anything (referencing a James Bond movie)
The Twisted World of Marge Simpson
165
February 02, 1997
no gag
Mountain of Madness
166
February 07, 1997
I will not hide the teacher's Prozac
Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious
167
February 09, 1997
no gag
The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show
168
February 16, 1997
no gag
Homer's Phobia
169
February 23, 1997
no gag
Brother from Another Series
170
March 02, 1997
no gag
My Sister, My Sitter
171
March 16, 1997
no gag
Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment
172
April 06, 1997
no gag
Grade School Confidential
173
April 13, 1997
A fire drill does not demand a fire
The Canine Mutiny
174
April 20, 1997
no gag
The Old Man and the Lisa
175
April 27, 1997
no gag
In Marge We Trust
176
May 04, 1997
no gag
Homer's Enemy
177
May 11, 1997
no gag
The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase
178
May 18, 1997
no gag
The Secret War of Lisa Simpson
Season 9
#
Airdate
Gag
Episode Name
179
September 21, 1997
no gag
The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson
180
September 28, 1997
no gag
The Principal and the Pauper
181
October 19, 1997
I no longer want my MTV (reference to the lyrics of the Dire Straits song Money for Nothing (song) , and a possible jab at MTV's declining quality due to lack of music videos and music-related programming)
Lisa's Sax
182
October 26, 1997
no gag
Treehouse of Horror VIII
183
November 02, 1997
Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story.
The Cartridge Family
184
November 09, 1997
I did not invent Irish dancing.
Bart Star
185
November 16, 1997
no gag
The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons
186
November 23, 1997
I will not tease Fatty.
Lisa the Skeptic
187
December 07, 1997
There was no Roman god named "Fartacus"
Realty Bites
188
December 21, 1997
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer's red nose is not alcohol-related
Miracle on Evergreen Terrace
189
January 04, 1998
no gag
All Singing, All Dancing
190
January 11, 1998
no gag
Bart Carny
191
February 08, 1998
Shooting paintballs is not an art form
The Joy of Sect
192
February 15, 1998
no gag
Das Bus
193
February 22, 1998
Pain is not the cleanser (Surprisingly, Ned Flanders shouted "Pain is the cleanser!" as he yanked his moustache in the episode Home Away from Homer .)
The Last Temptation of Krust
194
March 01, 1998
Silly string is not a nasal spray.
Dumbbell Indemnity
195
March 08, 1998
no gag
Lisa the Simpson
196
March 22, 1998
I was told not to do this
This Little Wiggy
197
March 29, 1998
My butt does not deserve a website.
Simpson Tide
198
April 05, 1998
I will not demand what I'm worth (This is a reference to the voice cast's recent demands for higher pay.)
The Trouble With Trillions
199
April 19, 1998
no gag
Girly Edition
200
April 26, 1998
I will not mess with the opening credits (This was actually the couch gag for this episode; the rest of the family runs into the classroom to find Bart already there writing on the board.)
Trash of the Titans
201
May 03, 1998
no gag
King of the Hill
202
May 10, 1998
I am not the new Dalai Lama .
Lost Our Lisa
203
May 17, 1998
I was not the inspiration for "Kramer " (This episode aired three days after the last episode of "Seinfeld ".)
Natural Born Kissers
Season 10
#
Airdate
Gag
Episode Name
204
August 23, 1998
no gag
Lard of the Dance
205
September 20, 1998
I will not file frivolous lawsuits
The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace
206
September 27, 1998
no gag
Bart the Mother
207
October 25, 1998
The Simpsons Halloween Special IX (This is written in blood with a paintbrush.)
Treehouse of Horror IX
208
November 08, 1998
"butt.com" is not my E-mail address (This was changed to "butt.butt" in later airings since butt.com was revealed to be a real website. Butt.com still appeared in syndication, however.)
When You Dish upon a Star
209
November 15, 1998
No one cares what my definition of "is" is
D'oh-in in the Wind
210
November 22, 1998
I will not scream for ice cream
Lisa Gets an "A"
211
December 06, 1998
I am not a licensed hairstylist
Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble"
212
December 20, 1998
"The President did it" is not an excuse (This aired a day after impeachment proceedings started against Bill Clinton )
Mayored to the Mob
213
January 10, 1999
My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld
Viva Ned Flanders
214
January 17, 1999
Sherri does not "got back "
Wild Barts Can't Be Broken
215
January 31, 1999
I will not do "the dirty bird " (This episode aired the night of Super Bowl XXXIII , in which the Atlanta Falcons , for whom "The Dirty Bird" was a signature dance/celebration, played.)
Sunday, Cruddy Sunday
216
February 07, 1999
No one cares about my sciatica
Homer to the Max
217
February 14, 1999
Hillbillies are people too
I'm with Cupid
218
February 21, 1999
Grammar is not a time of waste
Marge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers"
219
February 28, 1999
I do not have diplomatic immunity (Taken from 9F20)
Make Room for Lisa
220
March 28, 1999
It does not suck to be you (A reference to a Prozzäk song)
Maximum Homerdrive
221
April 04, 1999
I cannot absolve sins (And during Lisa's dream in the episode: I will not deface using hieroglyphics where possible)
Simpsons Bible Stories
222
April 11, 1999
A trained ape could not teach gym
Mom and Pop Art
223
April 25, 1999
Loose teeth don't need my help
The Old Man and the "C" Student
224
May 02, 1999
I have neither been there nor done that
Monty Can't Buy Me Love
225
May 09, 1999
No one wants to hear from my armpits (This is from 3F01)
They Saved Lisa's Brain
226
May 16, 1999
I'm so very tired (At this point, Bart had been doing these gags for ten seasons.)
Thirty Minutes over Tokyo
Season 11
#
Airdate
Gag
Episode Name
227
September 26, 1999
Fridays are not "pants optional " (In Australia, Hamish and Andy (a comedy duo) have decided that Friday should be Pants off Friday.)
Beyond Blunderdome
228
October 03, 1999
Pork is not a verb (the irony is that "pork" is a verb, albeit a vulgar slang term, meaning "to have sexual intercourse with")
Brother's Little Helper
229
October 24, 1999
I am not the last Don (Possibly a reference to the 1997 TV minseries of the same name, which starred Joe Mantegna , voice of recurring Simpsons character Fat Tony )
Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?
230
October 31, 1999
no gag
Treehouse of Horror X
231
November 07, 1999
I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize
E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt)
232
November 14, 1999
I won't not use no double negatives (since three negatives are used, the sentence is true)
Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder
233
November 21, 1999
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage (This is from 3F05)
Eight Misbehavin'
234
November 28, 1999
I can't see dead people (This is a reference to The Sixth Sense )
Take My Wife, Sleaze
235
December 19, 1999
I will not sell my kidney on eBay (this is impossible now, since eBay prohibits the sale of organs)
Grift of the Magi
236
January 9, 2000
I will not create art from dung
Little Big Mom
237
January 16, 2000
I will stop phoning it in
Faith Off
238
January 23, 2000
Class clown is not a paid position
The Mansion Family
239
February 06, 2000
Substitute teachers are not scabs
Saddlesore Galactica
240
February 13, 2000
My suspension was not mutual
Alone Again, Natura-Diddily
241
February 20, 2000
A belch is not an oral report
Missionary: Impossible
242
February 27, 2000
Dodgeball stops at the gym door
Pygmoelian
243
March 19, 2000
Non-flammable is not a challenge
Bart to the Future
244
April 09, 2000
I was not touched "there" by an angel
Days of Wine and D'oh'ses
245
April 30, 2000
I am not here on a fartball scholarship
Kill the Alligator and Run
246
May 07, 2000
I will not dance on anyone's grave
Last Tap Dance in Springfield
247
May 14, 2000
I cannot hire a substitute student
It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge
248
May 21, 2000
"I will not obey the voices in my head"
Behind the Laughter
Season 12
#
Airdate
Gag
Episode Name
249
November 01, 2000
no gag
Treehouse of Horror XI
250
November 05, 2000
I will not plant subliminal messagore s (aired two days before the 2000 U.S. presidential election )
A Tale of Two Springfields
251
November 12, 2000
I will not surprise the incontinent
Insane Clown Poppy
252
November 19, 2000
I am not the acting president (aired during the legal contest over the results of the 2000 presidential election)
Lisa the Tree Hugger
253
November 26, 2000
I was not the sixth Beatle
Homer vs. Dignity
254
December 03, 2000
I will only provide a urine sample when asked
The Computer Wore Menace Shoes
255
December 10, 2000
The nurse is not dealing
The Great Money Caper
256
December 17, 2000
Science class should not end in tragedy (During the episode, Skinner writes "I ain't not a dorkus")
Skinner's Sense of Snow
257
January 07, 2001
Network TV is not dead
HOMR
258
January 14, 2001
I will not "let the dogs out " (reference a song made popular by the Baha Men )
Pokey Mom
259
February 04, 2001
I will not hide the teacher's medication
Worst Episode Ever
260
February 11, 2001
I will not publish the principal's credit report
Tennis the Menace
261
February 18, 2001
The hamster did not have a "full life"
Day of the Jackanapes
262
February 25, 2001
I will not buy a presidential pardon (This refers to the Bill Clinton pardons controversy , involving 140 pardons he issued on his last day in office.)
New Kids on the Blecch
263
March 04, 2001
"Temptation Island " was not a sleazy piece of crap
Hungry, Hungry Homer
264
March 11, 2001
I will not scare the vice president (a reference to VP Cheney's heart condition)
Bye Bye Nerdie
265
April 01, 2001
I will not flush evidence
Simpson Safari
266
April 29, 2001
Fire is not the cleanser
Trilogy of Error
267
May 06, 2001
Genetics is not an excuse
I'm Goin' to Praiseland
268
May 13, 2001
Today is not Mothra 's Day (This episode aired on Mother's Day .)
Children of a Lesser Clod
269
May 20, 2001
I should not be twenty-one by now (Referring to the fact that Bart has been the age of ten for over eleven years.)
Simpsons Tall Tales
Season 13
#
Airdate
Gag
Episode Name
270
November 6, 2001
no gag
Treehouse of Horror XII
271
November 11, 2001
Nobody reads these anymore
The Parent Rap
272
November 18, 2001
A burp in a jar is not a science project
Homer the Moe
273
December 2, 2001
Fun does not have a size
A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love
274
December 9, 2001
I am not Charlie Brown on acid (reference to how critics described "South Park " )
The Blunder Years
275
December 16, 2001
I do not have a cereal named after me (In fact, he did: "Bart Simpson Peanut Butter Chocolate Crunch ". In the UK they released "Bart Simpson's No Problem-os )
She of Little Faith
276
January 6, 2002
no gag
Brawl in the Family
277
January 20, 2002
no gag
Sweets and Sour Marge
278
January 27, 2002
no gag
Jaws Wired Shut
279
February 10, 2002
I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers (A reference to his Butterfinger commercials and how, after a blatant jab two episodes earlier, the ads had been canceled.)
Half-Decent Proposal
280
February 17, 2002
The Giving Tree is not a chump
The Bart Wants What It Wants
281
February 24, 2002
Making Milhouse cry is not a science project
The Lastest Gun in the West
282
March 10, 2002
no gag
The Old Man and the Key
283
March 17, 2002
Vampire is not a career choice
Tales from the Public Domain
284
March 31, 2002
no gag
Blame It on Lisa
285
April 7, 2002
no gag
Weekend at Burnsie's
286
April 21, 2002
no gag
Gump Roast
287
April 28, 2002
no gag
I Am Furious Yellow
288
May 5, 2002
I will never lie about being cancelled again (a reference to Matt Groening spreading a rumor that The Simpsons was going to end its run after this season)
The Sweetest Apu
289
May 12, 2002
no gag
Little Girl in the Big Ten
290
May 19, 2002
no gag
The Frying Game
291
May 22, 2002
no gag
Papa's Got a Brand New Badge
Season 14
#
Airdate
Gag
Episode Name
292
November 03, 2002
no gag
Treehouse of Horror XIII
293
November 10, 2002
no gag
How I Spent My Strummer Vacation
294
November 17, 2002
Fish do not like coffee
Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade
295
November 24, 2002
no gag
Large Marge
296
December 01, 2002
Milhouse did not test cootie positive
Helter Shelter
297
December 15, 2002
no gag
The Great Louse Detective
298
January 05, 2003
no gag
Special Edna
299
January 12, 2003
no gag
The Dad Who Knew Too Little
300
February 02, 2003
This school does not need a "regime change " (reference to the then-upcoming War In Iraq )
Strong Arms of the Ma
301
February 09, 2003
SpongeBob is not a contraceptive
Pray Anything
302
February 16, 2003
I will not (Bart then destroys the chalkboard with an axe.)
Barting Over
303
February 16, 2003
no gag
I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can
304
March 02, 2003
no gag
A Star Is Born-Again
305
March 09, 2003
no gag
Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington
306
March 16, 2003
no gag
C.E. D'oh
307
March 30, 2003
no gag
'Scuse Me While I Miss the Sky
308
April 13, 2003
no gag
Three Gays of the Condo
309
April 27, 2003
no gag
Dude, Where's My Ranch?
310
May 04, 2003
My pen is not a booger launcher
Old Yeller Belly
311
May 11, 2003
no gag
Brake My Wife, Please
312
May 18, 2003
Sandwiches should not contain sand
Bart of War
313
May 18, 2003
no gag
Moe Baby Blues
Season 15
#
Airdate
Gag
Episode Name
314
November 02, 2003
no gag
Treehouse of Horror XIV
315
November 09, 2003
no gag
My Mother the Carjacker
316
November 16, 2003
no gag
The President Wore Pearls
317
November 23, 2003
no gag
The Regina Monologues
318
November 30, 2003
no gag
The Fat and the Furriest
319
December 07, 2003
Over forty & single is not funny
Today I Am a Clown
320
December 14, 2003
no gag
'Tis the Fifteenth Season
321
January 04, 2004
no gag
Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens, and Gays
322
January 11, 2004
no gag
I, (Annoyed Grunt)-Bot
323
January 25, 2004
no gag
Diatribe of a Mad Housewife
324
February 08, 2004
no gag
Margical History Tour
325
February 15, 2004
no gag
Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore
326
February 22, 2004
no gag
Smart and Smarter
327
March 14, 2004
I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be
The Ziff Who Came to Dinner
328
March 21, 2004
no gag
Co-Dependent's Day
329
March 28, 2004
no gag
The Wandering Juvie
330
April 18, 2004
no gag
My Big Fat Geek Wedding
331
April 25, 2004
no gag
Catch 'Em if You Can
332
May 02, 2004
no gag
Simple Simpson
333
May 09, 2004
no gag
The Way We Weren't
334
May 16, 2004
no gag
Bart-Mangled Banner
335
May 23, 2004
no gag
Fraudcast News
Season 16
#
Airdate
Gag
Episode Name
336
November 07, 2004
no gag
Treehouse of Horror XV
337
November 14, 2004
no gag
All's Fair in Oven War
338
November 21, 2004
no gag
Sleeping with the Enemy
339
December 05, 2004
Poking a dead raccoon is not research
She Used to Be My Girl
340
December 12, 2004
no gag
Fat Man and Little Boy
341
January 16, 2005
no gag
Midnight Rx
342
January 30, 2005
no gag
Mommie Beerest
343
February 06, 2005
no gag
Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass
344
February 13, 2005
no gag
Pranksta Rap
345
February 20, 2005
no gag
There's Something About Marrying
346
March 06, 2005
Beer in a milk carton is not milk
On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister
347
March 13, 2005
no gag
Goo Goo Gai Pan
348
March 20, 2005
no gag
Mobile Homer
349
April 03, 2005
no gag
The Seven-Beer Snitch
350
April 17, 2005
no gag
Future-Drama
351
May 01, 2005
no gag
Don't Fear the Roofer
352
May 01, 2005
no gag
The Heartbroke Kid
353
May 08, 2005
no gag
A Star Is Torn
354
May 08, 2005
no gag
Thank God It's Doomsday
355
May 15, 2005
A booger is not a bookmark
Home Away from Homer
356
May 15, 2005
no gag
The Father, The Son & The Holy Guest Star
Season 17
#
Airdate
Gag
Episode Name
357
September 11, 2005
Does any kid still do this anymore? (refers to the diminishing frequency of the chalkboard gag, as well as the real-life punishment )
Bonfire of the Manatees
358
September 18, 2005
no gag
The Girl Who Slept Too Little
359
September 25, 2005
no gag
Milhouse of Sand and Fog
360
November 06, 2005
no gag
Treehouse of Horror XVI
361
November 13, 2005
no gag
Marge's Son Poisoning
362
November 20, 2005
no gag
See Homer Run
363
November 27, 2005
no gag
The Last of the Red Hat Mamas
364
December 11, 2005
no gag
The Italian Bob
365
December 18, 2005
no gag
Simpsons Christmas Stories
366
January 08, 2006
I am not smarter than the President
Homer's Paternity Coot
367
January 29, 2006
Teacher was not dumped—it was mutual
We're on the Road to D'ohwhere
368
February 26, 2006
no gag
My Fair Laddy
369
March 12, 2006
no gag
The Seemingly Never-Ending Story
370
March 19, 2006
no gag
Bart Has Two Mommies
371
March 26, 2006
I will not laminate dog doo (The first airing of this episode included a special live action opening with 'I will not eat things for money' as the gag.)
Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife
372
April 02, 2006
I will not flip the classroom upside down (The classroom is flipped upside down.)
Million Dollar Abie
373
April 09, 2006
no gag
Kiss Kiss, Bang Bangalore
374
April 23, 2006
no gag
The Wettest Stories Ever Told
375
April 30, 2006
no gag
Girls Just Want to Have Sums
376
May 07, 2006
I will not leak the plot of the movie
Regarding Margie
377
May 14, 2006
Je ne parle pas français ("I do not speak French .")
The Monkey Suit
378
May 21, 2006
Have a great summer, everyone (last episode of the season)
Marge and Homer Turn a Couple Play
Season 18
#
Airdate
Gag
Episode Name
379
September 10, 2006
no gag
"The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer "
380
September 17, 2006
no gag
"Jazzy and the Pussycats "
381
September 24, 2006
no gag'(But during the episode, Skinner writes "A baby beat me up" when Bart begins torturing Skinner by taking advantage of his peanut allergy)
"Please Homer, Don't Hammer 'Em "
382
November 5, 2006
no gag
"Treehouse of Horror XVII "
383
November 12, 2006
We are not all naked under our clothes
"G.I. D'oh "
384
November 19, 2006
no gag
"Moe'N'a Lisa "
385
November 26, 2006
no gag
"Ice Cream of Margie (With the Light Blue Hair) "
386
December 10, 2006
no gag
"The Haw-Hawed Couple "
387
December 17, 2006
Frankincense is not a monster
"Kill Gil: Vols. 1 & 2 "
388
January 7, 2007
no gag
"The Wife Aquatic "
389
January 28, 2007
no gag
"Revenge is a Dish Best Served Three Times "
390
February 11, 2007
no gag'(But during the episode, Bart writes "So long suckers")
"Little Big Girl "
391
February 18, 2007
no gag
"Springfield Up "
392
March 4, 2007
no gag
"Yokel Chords "
393
March 11, 2007
no gag
"Rome-old and Juli-eh "
394
March 25, 2007
Global Warming did not eat my homework
"Homerazzi "
395
April 22, 2007
no gag
"Marge Gamer "
396
April 29, 2007
no gag
"The Boys of Bummer "
397
May 6, 2007
I will not look up how much teacher makes
"Crook and Ladder "
398
May 13, 2007
Pearls are not oyster barf
"Stop Or My Dog Will Shoot "
399
May 20, 2007
no gag'(special 24-style opening)
"24 Minutes "
400
May 20, 2007
no gag'(normal opening sequence replaced with a black screen that says "20 years ago", followed by a full showing of the Tracy Ullman Show Simpsons short "Family Portrait")
"You Kent Always Say What You Want "
Season 19
#
Airdate
Gag
Episode Name
401
September 23, 2007
I will not wait 20 years to make another movie
"He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs "
402
September 30, 2007
The Wall Street Journal is better than ever
"The Homer of Seville "
403
October 7, 2007
no gag
"Midnight Towboy "
404
October 14, 2007
I am not a FDIC -insured bank.
"I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings "
405
November 4, 2007
no gag
"Treehouse of Horror XVIII "
406
November 11, 2007
There is no such thing as an iPoddy
"Little Orphan Millie "
407
November 18, 2007
The Pilgrims were not illegal aliens
"Husbands and Knives "
408
November 25, 2007
no gag
"Funeral for a Fiend "
409
December 16, 2007
The capital of Montana is not "Hannah "
"Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind "
410
January 6, 2008
Teacher did not pay too much for her condo
"E Pluribus Wiggum "
411
January 27, 2008
no gag
"That 90's Show "
412
February 17, 2008
no gag
"Love, Springfieldian Style "
413
March 2, 2008
The art teacher is fat, not pregnant
"The Debarted "
414
March 9, 2008
no gag
"Dial 'N' for Nerder "
415
March 30, 2008
no gag
"Smoke On The Daughter "
416
April 13, 2008
no gag
"Papa Don't Leech "
417
April 27, 2008
A persons a person, no mater how Ralph.
"Apocalypse Cow "
418
May 4, 2008
no gag
"Any Given Sundance "
419
May 11, 2008
This punishment is medivial.
"Mona Leaves-a "
420
MAy 18, 2008
no gag
"All About Lisa "
#
Airdate
Gag
Episode Name
421
September 28, 2008
no gag
"Sex, Pies And Idiot Scrapes "
422
October 5, 2008
Teachers diet is working.
"Lost Verizon "
423
October 19, 2008
There is no such month as Rocktober
"Double, Double Boy In Trouble "
424
November 2, 2008
None
"Treehouse of Horror XIX "
425
November 9, 2008
I did not see Teacher siphoning gas.
"Dangerous Curves "
426
November 16, 2008
No gag
"Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words "
427
November 30, 2008
Prosperity is just around the corner.
"Mypods and Boomsticks "
428
December 7, 2008
Jesus is not mad His birthday is on Christmas
"The Burns and the Bees "
429
January 25, 2009
I Will Not use Permanet ink on the Chalkboard
" Lisa The Drama Queen "
430
Febuary 15, 2009
HDTV is Worth Every Cent (The episode was the first one in HD)
"Take My Life, Please "
431
March 1, 2009
"March Madness" is Not an Excuse for Missing School
"How the Test Was Won "
432
March 8, 2009
"I will not have fun with educational toys."
"No Loan Again, Naturally
433
MArch 15, 2009
No gag
"Gone Maggie Gone "
434
March 22, 2009
"Four leaf clovers are not mutant freaks."
"In the Name of the Grandfather "
435
March 29, 2009
"My piggy bank is not entitled to TARP funds."
"Wedding for Disaster "
436
April 5, 2009
No gag
"Eeny Teeny Maya Moe "
437
April 19, 2009
"I will not mock teacher's outdated cell phone."
"The Good, the Sad and the Drugly "
438
April 26, 2009
"I will not put hot sauce in the CPR dummy."
"Father Knows Worst "
439
May 3, 2009
No gag
"Waverly Hills 9-0-2-1-D'oh "
440
May 10, 2009
No gag
"Four Great Women and a Manicure "
441
May 17, 2009
"It's 'Facebook,' not 'Assbook.'"
"Coming to Homerica "
#
Airdate
Gag
Episode Name
442
September 27, 2009
"The class hamster isn't just sleeping."
"Homer the Whopper "
443
October 4, 2009
"Chalkboarding is not torture."
"Bart Gets a 'Z' "
444
October 11, 2009
"I am not allergic to long division."
"The Great Wife Hope "
445
October 18, 2009
None
"Treehouse of Horror XX "
446
November 15, 2009
"I do not have the hots for my mom."
"The Devil Wears Nada "
447
November 22, 2009
"Halloween doesn't kick Thanksgiving's ass."
"Pranks and Greens "
448
November 29, 2009
"Teachers' unions are not ruining this country."
"Rednecks and Broomsticks "
449
December 13, 2009
No gag
"O Brother, Where Bart Thou? "
450
January 3, 2010
No gag
"Thursdays with Abie "
451
January 10, 2010
"The world may end in 2012, but this show won't."
"Once Upon a Time in Springfield "
452
January 31, 2010
no gag
"Million Dollar Maybe "
453
February 14, 2010
no gag
"Boy Meets Curl "
454
February 21, 2010
No gag
"The Color Yellow "
455
March 14, 2010
No gag
"Postcards from the Wedge "
456
March 21, 2010
"WWII could not beat up WWI"
"Stealing First Base "
457
March 28, 2010
no gag
"The Greatest Story Ever D'ohed "
458
April 11, 2010
Hot dogs are not bookmarks
"American History X-cellent "
The Simpsons Movie
The Simpsons