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Little Big Girl |
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- Bart: You know, I thought Darcy and I would be like a real married couple; instead, we ended up fighting all the time...
- Homer: Eee, yeah, how about that?
- Homer: Son, one day you're gonna be a great father.
- Bart: Awww, and someday you will be one, too.
- Grampa: Yep, the Simpsons have never married or even shook hands with anyone interesting. In a world of 31 flavors, we're the cup of water they rinse the scoops in. Grampa out.
- Lisa: [thinking] Why did I have to lie about my heritage? By speaking with forked tongue, I am in heap big trouble. And now I'm thinking in stereotypes! That's even worse!
- Bart: That's it! I want a license.
- Mayor Quimby: To kill?
- Bart: No, to drive.
- Quimby: Suit yourself.
- Darcy: I really like you, Bart.
- Bart: That is such a girl thing to say.
- Utah Minister: And how many brides shall you be marrying?
- Bart: Just one.
- Utah Minister: What are you, gay?
- Darcy: You really are 10. I just thought you were really stupid.
- Bart: I'm 10 AND stupid!
- Lisa: [to Bart while he's driving her in Homer's car] Slow down! You're too close to that car! Your hands should be at 10 and 2, not 3 and nothing!
- Bart: [to Lisa in a very threatening tone] You know, it'll be a real shame for you if someone started investigating your INDIAN HERITAGE!!
- Lisa: [becomes worried and smiles nervously] I'll be good.
- Darcy: I'm very religious that way.
- Bart: How religious can you be if you're pregnant? (Darcy slaps Bart) Good answer.
- Homer: You know, my great-great grandmother was an Indian. I guess I should've mentioned that before, huh?
- Lisa: Yes, you should have!
- Darcy: You look kind of young.
- Bart: Uh, yeah, I have that disease that makes you look like an old man, but they gave me medicine for it and I took too much.
- Lenny: The flames are heading straight for the Flammable District!
- Carl: That’s where our mom works.
- (Outside with Bart and Darcy sitting on Homer's car eating their snacks as usual.)
- Darcy: Bart, let's get married.
- Bart: (Darcy's quote causes him to swallow a lollipop) What?!
- Darcy: Why not? We've made out. It's not right to make out with somebody if you have no intention of marrying them. I mean, you're not a jerk, right?
- Bart: (gulps) No, I am not, but...
- Darcy: Then it's settled! (kisses Bart)
- Bart: (thinking) Oh, man. I must be the first guy who was ever pressured into marriage.
- Homer: (calling Bart) Bart! This is a matter of life and death! What is the difference between 'ketchup' and 'catsup'? (Bart throws the cell phone away.) They're gonna cut my head off!
- (Meanwhile at night, Bart's asleep in bed, but was awaken by a ringtone and Bart answers the phone.)
- Bart: Hello?
- Homer: Bart, buddy! It's your dad! I need a ride. I think I'm in Chinatown. (A mouse runs in the street) Not our Chinatown.
- Homer: Hello, Bart? Now, listen. I need you to go to the gas station. Tell them you need to inflate your tires, but actually, you inflate these volleyballs. Then, throw them over the wall of the prison to create chaos and confusion.
- (Smithers is on fire, while Mr. Burns is washing his car.)
- Smithers: Mr. Burns, help me!
- Mr. Burns: Why? You're not helping me.
- Smithers: But, sir, I'm flaming!
- (Mr. Burns looks at the camera with an odd expression)
- Marge: Bart, you're too young to get married! You still ask me to check the closet for the boogeyman!
- Bart: Well, maybe I've found somebody else to do it for me!
- Lisa: Show's over, let's go.
- Homer: What's your hurry?
- Lisa: Well, some of my report, um, wasn't thoroughly fact checked.
- Homer: (laughs) My little girl's just like CBS News.
- Spokesman at National Tribal Conference: Wait, wait. Although she is not one of our people this young lady has shown the courage we Native Americans cherish, and who can blame her for wanting to be one of us? We have a noble heritage and cheekbones to die for.
- (In Bart's car)
- Darcy: Bart, sweetie. I need some strawberries.
- Bart: Mm-hmm. I bet they sell them in Utah.
- Darcy: Bart, I need some strawberries. Right now.
- Bart: We're in the middle of the desert.
- Darcy: I NEED STRAWBERRIES!!!
- Bart: Take my wife... please! Hey, I finally get that joke! (Darcy slaps him) Ow!