Grift of the Magi
Little Big Mom
Faith Off
Orderly: You'll have a great view of the whole beach… from the electric needle room.
Homer: Really? The whole beach?
Orderly: Yes… from the electric needle room.
Homer: Electric needle room?!

Dr. Hibbert: Good lord, you're wasting thousands of dollars worth of Interferon!
Homer: And you're "interferon" with our good time! Hehehehe!

Dolph: Woah! Phat five forty!
Nelson: I'm getting agro on this kicker!
Bart: Stomp that pickle revert!
Otto: Excellent. Your lingo is progressing nicely.
Bart: Can I go to the bathroom?
Otto: Uh uh, say it in snowboard!
Bart: Um…I gotta blast a dookie?
Otto: Dook on!

Ned: I guess we'll have an imagination Christmas this year..
Rod and Todd: Yaaay! Imagination Christmas!
Rod: I got a pogo stick!
Todd: I got a hula hoop!

(Marge gives the crazy signal which is circling your ear with your index finger)

Lisa: Okay, now we're gonna draw jobs from the chore hat!
Homer: Come on, bikini inspector! Scrub toilet? Okay, that was a practice! Practice…practice. Okay, here we go…feed fish.
Bart: I'll supervise!
Lisa: You know, the reason for the hat.
Homer: Oh, it's a great hat. No one's questioning the hat.
Lisa: Will you at least do the dishes?
Homer: Lisa I'll do the dishes when I pick it out of the chore hat and it's not a practice..... See, there it is! But that was a practice. The system works!

Ski Trainer: (in Homer's memory) If you ever get into trouble, all you need to do is...
Ned: (abruptly appears) Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all! Nothing at all! Nothing at all!
Homer: Gah! Stupid sexy Flanders! [Homer's legs expand heavily] Ow, my legs! This is the worst pain ever - [Homer gets hit by multiple snow hills in the groin, then groans]

Lisa: Here are your lunches, and no trading your fruit for firecrackers.
Homer: Aw, but Lenny just got some bottle rockets.
Lisa: You stay away from Lenny. And Bart, where's your sweater?
Bart: It unraveled on a nail.
Homer: That's not true, he left it on the bus!
Bart: You're dead, squealer!
Homer: [screams and runs out of the house with Bart] Lisa, help!
Lisa: Those boys of mine.

Bart: Why would God punish a kid? I mean, an American kid.

Homer [in his underwear]: Morning.
Lisa: Dad, where are your clothes?
Homer: I don't know.
Lisa: Don't tell me Mom dresses you.
Homer: I guess, or one of her friends.

Lisa: What's in the box, Mom?
Marge: This box? Oh, nothing.
Bart: Are you sure? You sound nervous.
Marge: Well, anyone would be nervous with all the economic turmoil you read about in the...Haaa! [rushes outside]
Homer: Get her! She's doing something!

Homer: [walks in the house carrying groceries] I've got groceries. [puts the bags down on the table]
Lisa: [takes things out of the bags] Maple soda? A cell phone full of candy? Astronaut bread?
Homer: It's the bread of astronauts.
Bart: [looking at a box of "Sweet Emotions" cereal] I didn't know Aerosmith made a cereal.
Lisa: Dad, I gave you a list.
Homer: Oh, yeah. [reads the list and laughs] You were way off.
Lisa: [growls in frustration]
Homer: [on his candy-cell phone] Hello, Lollipop Island? There's a little girl here who had too many sour balls.
Lisa: [growls and stalks off]
Homer: Anyway, where were we? Hello? Hello? They hung up.

[Lisa types Homer and Bart’s “symptoms” onto VirtualDoctor]
Lisa: Crusty sores?
Homer: Yes
Lisa: Excessive wailing?
Homer [wailing]: Yes, yes!
Lisa: Any exposure to unsanitary conditions?
Bart: Duh, we’re pigs!
Lisa [finishes typing the “symptoms”] Okay… And diagnose! [pushes a key]
VirtualDoc: You’ve got leprosy.
Homer and Bart: Leprosy?! [scream and point at each other] Unclean!
Bart: Unclean!
Homer: Unclean! Help us, Virtual Doc! Look at me. I’m on my knees.
VirtualDoc: Goodbye. [computer turns off. Homer and Bart look at each other scared]
Lisa: [Using Mr. Burns Catchphrase] Excellent.

Bart: At Sunday school, they said the lepers were cured by some bearded dude.
Homer: Jesus?
Bart: Yeah, that sounds right.
Homer: I think we're on the outs with him. But I know someone who's even holier than Jesus.

Homer: We'll take the cure, bag a few lobsters, then watch some gay guys get married.

Season 10 Season 11 Quotes Season 12
Beyond BlunderdomeBrother's Little HelperGuess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?Treehouse of Horror XE-I-E-I-D'ohHello Gutter, Hello FadderEight Misbehavin'Take My Wife, SleazeGrift of the MagiLittle Big MomFaith OffThe Mansion FamilySaddlesore GalacticaAlone Again, Natura-DiddilyMissionary: ImpossiblePygmoelianBart to the FutureDays of Wine and D'oh'sesKill the Alligator and RunLast Tap Dance in SpringfieldIt's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad MargeBehind the Laughter
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