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Lucas: My new goal is to become whatever Adele is, just call me £uca$.
Lisa: What if I just taught you how to whistle?
Lucas: You know how to whistle? Like with your mouth?
(Lisa whistles. Lucas tries to whistle but ends up blowing air instead)
Lucas: Hey I'm doing it! (continues to blow air) I sound just like a bird!
(Lucas is eating pizza on the cafeteria but he chokes)
Lisa: Are you ok? (Lucas eats another slice of pizza) Don't put more in there!!!
Lucas: Going... for the record! (he chokes again)
Lisa: What record? Stupidest death? aaah! (Lisa makes abdominal thrusts on him. he spits the pizza slices)
Lucas: Merci beaucoup!
Lisa: Oh, well, you're very wel...
Lucas: That's french for "Hello".
Lisa: Actually, I think it...
Lucas: Lucas Bortner. Competitive Eater.
Milhouse: A fat kid with a dream? I can't compete with that!
Lisa: What does a competitive eater... eat?
Lucas: All the glamour foods: pizza, boiled eggs, chicken wings and the big enchilada, which is not enchiladas but hot dogs. Sixty nine hot dogs is the current record. As the great Kobayashi says, "Detekurutoki itaiyo".
Lisa: What does that mean?
Lucas: "That's gonna hurt comming out".
[Lucas visits the Simpsons House]
Lucas: [to Marge] Oh, Hi! Is Lisa home?
Marge: Yes she is. and who are you? [Turns his back with "LUCA$" written on his jacket] Lucas.
Lucas: It's pronounced Luca-Dollar. That's my competition name. I'm a competitive eater.
Homer: [From another room] Competitive eater? Did I hear right? I can be a competitive eater?
Marge: No! You didn't hear anything!
Homer: Yes I did, I heard competitive eater!
Marge: It's for people who hadn't had hearth problems.
Homer: Then that makes me the Jackie Robinson of the sport, and you are the racist Philadelphia manager.
Marge: Quit comparing me to Ben Chapman!
Homer: I will when you open your mind to change! [Homer leaves and Marge groans]
Bart: Don't want to be seen with you when you're hitting bottom.
