Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie
Marge Gets a Job
New Kid on the Block
Smithers: This resume is very impressive. Let me be the first to say 'abibu gazini.'
Marge: What?
Smithers: 'Welcome aboard.' I guess my Swahili's not as good as yours.

Marge: Last week, some Jehovah's Witnesses came to the door, and I wouldn't let them leave. They snuck away when I went into the kitchen to get more lemonade.

Lisa: You'll be just like Marie and Pierre Curie.
Homer: What'd they do?
Lisa: They discovered radium! Then they both died of radiation poisoning.

Homer: As the Bible says "Thou shalt not horn in on thy husband's racket."
Marge: [unconvinced] Where does the Bible say "racket"?
Homer: It's in there.

Mr. Burns: I want you to show this woman the time of her life.
Homer: Gotcha! Marge, we're getting some drive-thru, then we're doing it twice!

Marge: What do I do?
Smithers: Heh, heh, heh. Marge, please! According to your resume, you invented this machine!

[In Las Vegas, Tom Jones has finished a concert when he is met backstage by Smithers]
Smithers: Mr Jones? I was wondering if you could perform at a private party. (opens the first briefcase which is full of cash)
Tom Jones: Sorry mate, I don't do private parties.
Smithers: Then maybe you should look in this briefcase. [opens second briefcase which releases knockout gas which renders Tom Jones unconscious]
Smithers: (laughing) Sweet dreams, Mr. Jones.

Edna Krabappel: Bart, have you ever read "The Boy Who Cried Wolf"?
Bart: I'm halfway through it, I swear!

Edna Krabappel: Bart, to avoid this test, you've had smallpox, the bend, and that unfortunate bout of rabies. (or "Tourette's Syndrome" in the original broadcast)

Grampa: [to Bart] Good news, boy. I found a pharmacy that carries leeches! Well, it wasn't exactly a pharmacy. More of a bait shop.

Grampa: [while Maggie is trying to get her bottle] Oh, you must be sick. Let's see, what's old Dr. Washburn prescribe? Do you have dropsy? The grippe? Scofula? The vapors? Jungle rot? Dandy fever? Poor man's gout? Housemaid's knee? Climatic poopow? The staggers? Dum-dum fever?

Marge: [to Homer] Maybe you'd get promoted if you worked a little harder.
Homer: Are you kidding? I work like a Japanese beaver.
Marge: Oh, really? I came to see you 3 times today. Twice, you were sleeping and once you were kicking that ball of electrical tape around.
Homer: Well! I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy. I'm going to go right downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the sleeping ba… (gets back into bed) Eh, good night.

Homer: Now, Marge, just remember. If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.

Mrs. Krabappel: Bart, to avoid this test, you've had smallpox, the bends, and that unfortunate bout of Tourette's syndrome.

Marge: You can't fire me just because I'm married. I'm gonna sue the pants off you!
Mr. Burns: You don't have to sue me to get my pants off.

Bart: [while taking his makeup test] Ivanhoe is the story of a Russian farmer and his tool. [notices the escaped timberwolf growling at him] Wolf! Wolf! Wolf!
Mrs. Krabappel: I'm afraid you'll have to do better than that. Sorry no sale. You're wasting valuable test time. 

Season 3 Season 4 Quotes Season 5
Kamp KrustyA Streetcar Named MargeHomer the HereticLisa the Beauty QueenTreehouse of Horror IIIItchy & Scratchy: The MovieMarge Gets a JobNew Kid on the BlockMr. PlowLisa's First WordHomer's Triple BypassMarge vs. the MonorailSelma's ChoiceBrother from the Same PlanetI Love LisaDufflessLast Exit to SpringfieldSo It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip ShowThe FrontWhacking DayMarge in ChainsKrusty Gets Kancelled
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