Edna Krabappel: Bart, to avoid this test, you've had smallpox, the bend, and that unfortunate bout of rabies. (or "Tourette's Syndrome" in the original broadcast)
Grampa: [to Bart] Good news, boy. I found a pharmacy that carries leeches! Well, it wasn't exactly a pharmacy. More of a bait shop.
Grampa: [while Maggie is trying to get her bottle] Oh, you must be sick. Let's see, what's old Dr. Washburn prescribe? Do you have dropsy? The grippe? Scofula? The vapors? Jungle rot? Dandy fever? Poor man's gout? Housemaid's knee? Climatic poopow? The staggers? Dum-dum fever?
Marge: [to Homer] Maybe you'd get promoted if you worked a little harder.
Homer: Are you kidding? I work like a Japanese beaver.
Marge: Oh, really? I came to see you 3 times today. Twice, you were sleeping and once you were kicking that ball of electrical tape around.
Homer: Well! I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy. I'm going to go right downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the sleeping ba… (gets back into bed) Eh, good night.
Homer: Now, Marge, just remember. If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.
Mrs. Krabappel: Bart, to avoid this test, you've had smallpox, the bends, and that unfortunate bout of Tourette's syndrome.
Marge: You can't fire me just because I'm married. I'm gonna sue the pants off you!
Mr. Burns: You don't have to sue me to get my pants off.
Bart: [while taking his makeup test] Ivanhoe is the story of a Russian farmer and his tool. [notices the escaped timberwolf growling at him] Wolf! Wolf! Wolf!
Mrs. Krabappel: I'm afraid you'll have to do better than that. Sorry no sale. You're wasting valuable test time.