- Homer: Well son, I guess it's time to go home.
- Bart: Any thoughts on how we're going to get there?
- Homer: No, but I'm sure the good Lord will provide.
- (nearby an engineer argues with a man in a military uniform)
- Engineer: Are you crazy?! I'm not driving a trainload of napalm to Springfield. (throws his cap on the ground and walks off)
- Homer: Thank you.
- Homer: Look, son. It's one of Nature's most beautiful sights… the convoy.
- (one of the Trucks hits Homer's trailer)
- Bart: He hit us!
- Homer: Oh, I should have known. They're hazing us, to initiate us into the truckers' fraternity. (the truck is hit again) Thank you sir, may I have another?
- Bart: Dad, they're trying to kill us.
- Homer: Oh, why do all my trips end like this?
- Trucker: All right, pal, here's the deal. You stumbled on a secret that only truck drivers are supposed to know… (Homer giggles) … Hey, pay attention and stop looking at that squirrel.
- Trucker 2: We get forty bucks an hour to drive these rigs. You think anybody'd hire us if they knew we weren't driving the trucks?
- Homer: Wow, you guys are even lazier than me. Well, don't worry, I'll keep your secret.
- Homer: Uh, yeah. I need something that will keep me awake, alert, and reckless all night long.
- Clerk: Well, Congress is racing back to Washington to outlaw these. (shows him a bottle of pills)
- Homer: Sold!
- (Swallows the pills straight away)
- Clerk: Hey, you can't take that many pep pills at once.
- Homer: No problem, I'll balance it out with a bottle of sleeping pills.
- Bart: Oh, let me go with you, Dad.
- Homer: Don't you have school?
- Bart: Don't you have work?
- Homer: Ah, touché!
- Marge: Your father traded all our tools for M&M's again.
- Red Barclay: Red Barclay's my name. I'm a trucker, and I've eaten steaks from coast to coast with taters and toast. Take my advice. This one's not for greenhorns.
- Homer: Greenhorn? Who's a greenhorn? What's a greenhorn?
- Bart: It's an insult, Dad. Sock him. Sock everybody.
- Homer: (to Red) Oh, you're just jealous 'cause you don't have the belly for it anymore, Mr. No-Belly. Mr...Hasn't-Got-A-Belly.
- Red Barclay: Well, I have just finished a whole lamb but, uh, I reckon I could take you to school. You're on, boy.
Announcer: On your left, the pride of the American trucking industry, reliable Red Barclay!. (people cheer). And on your right, Homer somebody
Bart: Go Dad!. Go, go!
Announcer: Good lucks to you marks and.... GO!!! (Red and Homer start eating)
Crowd: Chew! Chew! Chew!
Marge: No, Hoer don't fill up on bread!.
Homer: Huh?. Oh right!, the steak!
Bart: Come on, Dad. Pick up the pace: Chew and swallow, no savoring.
Homer: Must eat beef... must defeat guy I just met!. (continues eating the Sir Loin-A lot)
Homer: So much steak: lungs filling, sinus is packed with meat.
Bart: Come on, Dad just twelve more pounds!. (Homer starts daydreaming about cows)
Cow: Humans are soo ridiculous. he's not even halfway through Walter and he's already hallucinating. (cows start laughing together)
Homer: Lousy drunks!. I'll show them!. (continues eating)
Homer: Uuuuuugggggghhhhhh. What's happening to me?. There's still food, but I don't wanna eat it!. (starts sobbing) I've become everything I've ever hated!.