Homer: Are you sure this is the Sci-Fi Convention? It's full of nerds!
(Neil Armstrong, to his publicist, regarding his lack of popularity at the convention)
Neil Armstrong: This is one small stop towards firing your ass!
Comic Book Guy: Someone has mixed an Amazing Spider-Man in with the Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man series. This will not stand.
Girl: Pardon me, but I wish to tender a serious cash offer for this stack of water-damaged Little Lulus.
Comic Book Guy: "A," that is not water. It is Diet Mr. Pibb. And "B," I- ooh. (Moans) Tell me, how do you feel about 45-year-old virgins who still live with their parents?
Girl: Comb the Sweet Tarts out of your beard and you're on.
Comic Book Guy: Don't try to change me, baby.
Mayor Quimby: Just remember, you represent the office of the mayor, so always comport yourself in a manner befitting- Quick, honk at that broad!
Bart: Dad, don't you see what's going on?
Lisa: That change was a bribe.
Homer: Oh, honey, don't be so naive. That's how the world works. Sure, the mayor takes a few bribes, but he also makes the trains run on time.
Lisa: No he doesn't. Trains are regulated by the federal Department of Transportation.
Hamill: Hey, thanks, everybody. You know, I'm here today as Luke Skywalker, but I'm also here ... to talk about Sprint. As you can see, you stand to save up to seventeen cents a month over the more dependable providers.
Database: Daaah, talk about "Star Wars"!
Crowd: (together) Yeah!
Homer: You stupid nerds! He's trying to save you money on long-distance!
Hamill: "Star Wars", eh? Well, let me ask you this: how many of you have ever dreamed of being in that movie? (the crowd goes wild with "me's") Well, you're in luck. 'Cause we're gonna act out a scene, and I'll need a volunteer to play Obi Wan.
Homer: Kids, I don't want you drinking any more milk ever.
Milhouse: Can I still drink it?
Homer: Go nuts.
Lenny: Mark, Mark, Mark, pick me, my whole life has been leading to this moment!
Carl: Ah like hell it has, if anybody's gonna play Obi it's me!
Professor Frink: All right step away you foolish amateurs, just keep back, keep out of it. The role is mine, with the acting and the groupies and the 'Luke, Like save me' with the light saber and the Vwing, Vwing, Vwiiiiing.