Homer: Are you sure this is the Sci-Fi Convention? It's full of nerds!
Neil Armstrong: (to his publicist, regarding his lack of popularity at the convention) This is one small stop towards firing your ass!
Comic Book Guy: Someone has mixed an Amazing Spider-Man in with the Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man series. This will not stand.
Girl: Pardon me, but I wish to tender a serious cash offer for this stack of water-damaged Little Lulus.
Comic Book Guy: "A," that is not water. It is Diet Mr. Pibb. And "B," I- ooh. (Moans) Tell me, how do you feel about 45-year-old virgins who still live with their parents?
Girl: Comb the Sweet Tarts out of your beard and you're on.
Comic Book Guy: Don't try to change me, baby.
Mayor Quimby: Just remember, you represent the office of the mayor, so always comport yourself in a manner befitting- Quick, honk at that broad!
Bart: Dad, don't you see what's going on?
Lisa: That change was a bribe.
Homer: Oh, honey, don't be so naive. That's how the world works. Sure, the mayor takes a few bribes, but he also makes the trains run on time.
Lisa: No he doesn't. Trains are regulated by the federal Department of Transportation.
Hamill: Hey, thanks, everybody. You know, I'm here today as Luke Skywalker, but I'm also here ... to talk about Sprint. As you can see, you stand to save up to seventeen cents a month over the more dependable providers.
Database: Daaah, talk about "Star Wars"!
Crowd: (together) Yeah!
Homer: You stupid nerds! He's trying to save you money on long-distance!
Hamill: "Star Wars", eh? Well, let me ask you this: how many of you have ever dreamed of being in that movie? (the crowd goes wild with "me's") Well, you're in luck. 'Cause we're gonna act out a scene, and I'll need a volunteer to play Obi Wan.
Skinner: Kenobi?
Homer: Kids, I don't want you drinking any more milk ever.
Milhouse: Can I still drink it?
Homer: Go nuts.
Lenny: Mark, Mark, Mark, pick me, my whole life has been leading to this moment!
Carl: Ah like hell it has, if anybody's gonna play Obi it's me!
Professor Frink: All right step away you foolish amateurs, just keep back, keep out of it. The role is mine, with the acting and the groupies and the 'Luke, Like save me' with the light saber and the Vwing, Vwing, Vwiiiiing.
Homer: (into walkie-talkie) The pig is in the poke.
Marge: You know, I really don't care for that code-name.
Homer: Look out, Marge! Cat! (tackles Marge to the ground, sending oranges rolling)
Marge: I know you're excited about starting a new job, but could you just relax for now?
Homer: (to Bart and Lisa) Hold it, What's your clearance?
Bart: We just wanna get a snack.
Homer: Access denied.
Bart: But dad... (Homer pinches Bart and Lisa in the shoulder and sending into the floor asleep)
Marge: Homer, I don't want you using your new sleeper holder on the children.
Homer: They'll be fine in half an hour.
Marge: (scoffs) That's not the point. And another thing, I asked you to take out the garbage three days ago, and you still haven't... (Homer pinches her in the shoulder sending her into the floor asleep)
Homer: (looking at a sleeping Marge, Bart and Lisa and looks at his watch) Hmm. Still half an hour till dinner. Oh well. (pinches himself in the shoulder and fells into the floor and hits the table) OW!
Mayor Quimby: You call yourselves bodyguards? You're fired!
Ernie: Fired, huh? Who else you gonna find to take a bullet for ya?
Big Tom: Or have his genitals hooked up to a car battery?
Quimby: I'll tell ya who! Him!
(Quimby points to Homer, standing with his family)
Homer: Woo-hoo!
Marge: Homer, I don't think you were listening to what he just--
Homer: (sternly) I said, woo-hoo.
Mayor Quimby: Oh, God, can't this town go one day without a riot?
Fat Tony: I want the Mayor dead. I want his wife dead. I want his cat and his dog dead!
Louie: (writing it down) W-w-wait, who was before the cat?
Fat Tony: (groans)... just kill the Mayor.
Louie: (gets up to walk away) You're not mad at me, are you?
(Leavelle pretends to fire a rifle at a watermelon on a podium. Homer dives in front of the bullet's path)
Homer: Nooo!
(Homer tumbles to the ground and Leavelle walks over)
Leavelle: Well, your dive wasn't bad, but I just didn't believe your "Nooo!" You gotta sell it! Remember, your "Nooo!" is what gets you your next job. Now drop and give me twenty.
Homer: (dramatically)NOOOOOO!!!!
Leavelle: Better.
(Louie receives a standing ovation for is improvised performance.)
Mark Hamill: Hey, pal, that's my headshot up there next to the pepper steak and don't you forget it.
Louie: You're all talk, Hamill. You never even finished Jedi school! (punches Mark)
Fat Tony: I would like to remind you that accidents will happen - like the killing of you, by us!
Chief Wiggum: We're shutting you down, you filthy Italians! (Lou whispers into his ear) Oh, right, right. You filthy Italian-Americans!
