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"Ice to see you!"
―after breaking out of an ice sculpture

McBain is a fictional action movie hero played by the actor Rainier Wolfcastle in the McBain movies. His name is a play on the character John McClane of the Die Hard series, and his appearance and personality are inspired by Bruce Willis (sarcasm), Arnold Schwarzenegger (towering height, extremely strong, limited emotional range and thick Austrian accent) and Clint Eastwood (carries a large caliber revolver as a duty sidearm). McBain movies feature numerous action movie clichés, such as a policeman being gunned down just before retirement, guns that never run out of ammunition, considerable (and often unnecessary) property damage, and cheesy one-liners.

The McBain series consists of ten films, presumably ending with McBain VII: The Final Chapter but in fact continuing for one more installment, finally concluding with McBain X: The Death of McBain. His nemesis for the first film is Senator Mendoza. His nemesis for the second film are Commie-Nazis. His nemesis for the third film is President Ross Perot. In the fourth film he doesn't have a nemesis.

Biography[]

When McBain’s foster parents were murdered, Special Agent Dexter Scoey took charge of the young McBain, channeling his rage, instructing him in the arts of war, and having clothes custom fitted one size too small. Scoey’s murder left McBain without a friend in the world. Seeking revenge, McBain lets nothing obstruct his pursuit of justice, not Senator Mendoza, not the law, not even innocent bystanders.

McBain is a former cop. He once stumbled upon evidence that implicated Mendoza, a respected senator, as the leader of an international drug cartel. While investigating, he ran Mendoza's limo off a cliff, snapped the necks of three of his bodyguards and drove a bus through his front door. For these actions McBain was fired by his captain, who refused to hear his side of the story. McBain punched the captain through a window in retaliation. This is where McBain's life starts going upside down.

Sometime afterwards McBain, alongside his old partner and best friend Scoey, began their own investigation. One evening at Sloppy Joe's diner, Scoey told McBain about his imminent retirement, his daughter Suzie's upcoming college graduation, and his plans for him and his wife to sail around the world in their newly christened boat, "The Live-4-Ever", beginning after he and McBain "nail Mendoza". Suddenly the waiter, actually a hitman hired by Mendoza, pulled a gun and started shooting. Scoey found himself in front of McBain unintentionally and was mortally wounded. McBain attempted to stop the assassin, but he managed to get away by grabbing a motorcycle from behind the counter and crashing through a window. Scoey died in McBain's arms after asking McBain to take down Mendoza for him. This makes McBain become more determined than ever to put an end to Mendoza's reign of terror.

Up Late with McBain

After completing a series of impossible tasks, McBain gets his job as a policeman back. The first thing he does is to try and avenge Scoey. However, his regulated gun is far too small for him to use, so he decides to use a much bigger gun. He is then reprimanded by the captain about the size of his gun being against the manual. McBain merely responds by using his gun to shoot and blow away the Police Manual exclaiming "Bye book!" He then tries to hunt down Mendoza, with his regulated gun. At some point McBain meets and falls for McBabe, a sexy female who becomes his accomplice.

Eventually, McBain comes face to face with Mendoza in an alley. Mendoza proceeds to try and place a live Cobra on him, only for McBain to punch the cobra off. Mendoza manages to escape McBain's wrath in this instance. Continuing on his hunt for Mendoza. He hears about a meeting that will be attended by Mendoza. McBain ambushes Mendoza during the meeting by dramatically bursting out of an ice statue on the dining table with the one-liner "ice to see you!" However, Mendoza eludes capture by offering McBain a drugged salmon puff.

Mendoza's men are instructed to dispose of the unconscious McBain, but somehow, they fail. McBain decides to finally storm Mendoza's headquarters atop a skyscraper. He interrupts another meeting, kills Mendoza's men, and hurls Mendoza out of a window onto a parked gas tanker which explodes on impact, finishing Mendoza once and for all. McBain then decides to sleep with McBabe.

After killing Senator Mendoza, McBain leaves the police force to become a transport plane pilot. However, McBain now has a new evil to fight Commie-Nazis. In one incident he is helping to deliver UNICEF-collected pennies to children, when he is suddenly attacked by a squadron of Commie-Nazis. In an attempt to save the pennies a literally-on fire McBain leaps onto one of the Commie-Nazi jet fighters and kills the pilot. In another mission McBain kills the president: Ross Perot.

Later, McBain quits Transport-Piloting and joins a chat show were he is interviewed on his life as a policeman and a transport-pilot. The show however fails and McBain goes in to comedy. He performs stand-up comedy, standing against a brick wall, saying bad jokes to an audience. When one of them criticized him, he killed him with various weapons, including machine guns and a grenade. McBain then proceeded to continue to do this to anyone else that criticized him. McBain's career as a comedian didn't last very long since he was so bad and was killing the audience.

After quitting comedy McBain joins the secret service. There he gets a new sidekick. In one of his missions McBain had to go undercover as a fat person in Newark, New Jersey. There he was reunited with McBabe. However, she was already married. Later on, McBain had an affair with her. They then went on a holiday together.

Behind the Laughter[]

  • The Simpsons showrunners revealed that the various clips of McBain spread out over several seasons of the show can be assembled into a movie.
  • In some minor appearances, usually movie posters shown in the background, the character's name is alternatively spelled McBane.
  • In 1988, Gary Busey starred in a film called Bulletproof with the lead character called Frank McBain.
  • In 1991, a real-life film called McBain, starring Christopher Walken and Michael Ironside, was released. It was a critical and financial bomb and has no relation to the Simpsons character.

Many Appearances[]

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