Margical History Tour
Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore
Smart and Smarter
Homer: I'm honored to drink to Apu and… Apulina.

Milhouse: Then, let's just say, I don't care what people think of me anymore.
Bart: You mean, up until now you did care? Then why did you wear that tutu to school last week?
Milhouse: What about all the times I didn't wear a tutu?! Nobody ever brings those up!

Bart: (to Milhouse) Wander away from the group? Man, you been huffin' from the Bart bag?

Lisa: (sprays Bart with the hose) Hahaha! You wet your pants!
Grampa: (appears at the door with wet pants) Shut up, it's a serious problem!

Groundskeeper Willie: It won't last; brothers and sisters are natural enemies. Like Englishmen and Scots, or Welshmen and Scots, or Japanese and Scots, or Scots and other Scots. Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!

Marge: Homie? I'd like to know what you've been doing after work.
Homer: Marge, I'm not gonna lie to you… (pauses then goes back to reading the newspaper)

Lisa: (thinking to herself) Oh, my God! My brother's my best friend!
Bart: (thinking to himself) Oh, my God! My sister's my best friend!
Marge: (thinking to herself) Diamonds! I still can't believe he gave me diamonds!
Homer: (thinking to himself while looking in the mirror) Mirror, mirror on the wall... who's the baldest of them all?

Homer: When a woman says nothing's wrong, that means everything's wrong. And when a woman says everything's wrong, that means everything's wrong. And when a woman says something's not funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off.

Marge: (after receiving the diamond earrings) Now we finally have something to put in the wall safe! (opens up the safe, and pulls out a Twinkie) Huh? A Twinkie?
Homer: I heard if you aged them for 10 years, they turn into liquor!

Homer: (to a bum) Hey, I know you. We met in a police lineup.
Bum: Oh yeah, yeah. You know number 2 and number 4 are an item now.
Homer: You don't have to tell me, I was number 3.

Homer: Coke and Pepsi are the same thing! Wake up, people! (laughs crazily)

Capitol City Kids: (taunting Bart) Springfield baby in a diaper, poked his eye with a windshield wiper.

Lisa: (to Milhouse) I thought your mom took you away forever.
Kirk Van Houten: I got a court order bringing him back. The judge said I was the most pathetic person he'd ever seen in court. Pity custody! Boo-yeah!

Bart: One time, I swung all the way around.
Lisa: You did not.
Bart: Well, I know someone who did.
Lisa: Who?
Bart: You don't know him, he lives in Russia.

(Homer, Lenny and Carl are rolling barrels of nuclear waste)
Homer: (singing) Rollin', rollin', rollin'! Toxic barrel rollin'!
Lenny: (singing) They're so hot and glowin'!
Carl: (singing) We'll die!

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