Mr. Rogers: It's a beautiful day...to kick your ass!
Homer: I can see the house is falling apart without me, so here's the new order. Bart, you're the man of the house. Lisa, I'm promoting you to boy. Maggie's now the brainy girl. The toaster can fill in for Maggie. And Marge, you're a consultant.
Homer: OH SAVE ME, JEBUS!!!!!!
Betty White: (during the PBS pledge drive) And if you watch one minute without contributing, you're a thief! A common thief!
PBS Man: Okay, Betty White, calm down.
Betty White: I'm sorry. It's just that these thieves make me so damn mad. You know who you are. THIEVES!
Homer: (as he runs into the church) Sanctuary! Sanctuary!
Reverend Lovejoy: Oh, why did I ever teach him that word?
Rupert Murdoch: Hello! Murdoch here. $10,000! You've saved my network.