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The Bart of War
Moe Baby Blues
Treehouse of Horror XIV
Marge: (gasps) Maggie's right in the middle of that Italian-American-Mexican Standoff!!

Marge: You guys are the world's worst cops!
Chief Wiggum: No, now that I'm off duty, I'm the world's worst soccer coach.

Bart: (to Homer) You could be my father figure.
Homer: No way! I'm not getting my fingerprints on that trainwreck! If I lose Maggie, I'm 0 for 3. I gotta get her back!
Bart: I can help you!
Homer: Pipe down, Amtrak!

Homer: How come Lisa always gets to pick the family activity?
Lisa: 'Cause I always know when you say 'Pick a number between one and ten', it's always seven.
Homer: That's because there was seven apostles.
Marge: No, there were twelve.
Homer: Oh, that's a big step...Still it wasn't that funny.

Moe: That's odd. It's 11:50 in the morning and the bar is empty.
Kent Brockman: I'm live at the Springfield Botanical Gardens. We're minutes from the blossoming of the Sumatran Century Flower which occurs every 100 years.
Moe: Hey, those are my customers-slash-only friends. Where are they getting their beer? (watches Carl grab a Duff from a cooler) A cooler? I've been replaced by a cooler? And who can blame them?

Moe: It's so nice to be with someone who can't understand the horrible things I say.

Moe: (to Apu's son who is playing close to Maggie) Hey, hey, hey, Osh Kosh B'Gosh! She don't want what you're shoveling!
Apu: Mr. Moe, my son was only playing next to this girl who is not your daughter.
Moe: (to Apu) Yeah, sure he was, Nahasa-pasa-I'm-raisin'-a-pervert.

Marge: (opening Maggie's birthday present) Ooh, a rattle! Thank you, Selma!
Moe: Yeah, great present, Selma. Nice of you to break a five.
Selma: (growls) Get a neck, Frankenstein!

Moe: Marge, do mobsters ever congregate outside your house?
Marge: All the time. Sometimes I bring them lemonade.

Chief Wiggum: Scum, freezebag! Heh, I mean "freeze, scumbag." You can't write stuff like that! See, that's why sitcoms are dying.

Fat Tony: (While crying with the gangsters, touched by Maggie's innocence) I haven't cried this much since I paid to see "Godfather III."


Season 13 Season 14 Quotes Season 15
Treehouse of Horror XIIIHow I Spent My Strummer VacationBart vs. Lisa vs. the Third GradeLarge MargeHelter ShelterThe Great Louse DetectiveSpecial EdnaThe Dad Who Knew Too LittleThe Strong Arms of the MaPray AnythingBarting OverI'm Spelling as Fast as I CanA Star is Born-AgainMr. Spritz Goes to WashingtonC.E. D'oh'Scuse Me While I Miss the SkyThree Gays of the CondoDude, Where's My Ranch?Old Yeller-BellyBrake My Wife, PleaseThe Bart of WarMoe Baby Blues
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