Moe: Yeah, great present, Selma. Nice of you to break a five.
Selma: (growls) Get a neck, Frankenstein!
Moe: Marge, do mobsters ever congregate outside your house?
Marge: All the time. Sometimes I bring them lemonade.
Chief Wiggum: Scum, freezebag! Heh, I mean "freeze, scumbag." You can't write stuff like that! See, that's why sitcoms are dying.
Fat Tony: (While crying with his gang, the Castellaneta Family, and President of the Italian-American Anti-Defamation League, touched by Maggie's innocence) I ain’t cried like this since I paid to see "Godfather III."
Fat Tony: Tonight, I want you boys to take out the Castellaneta Family.
Louie: I don’t know, Boss. My passion for whacking is waning.
Fat Tony: (Pulling a knife and orange out) Perhaps this will cheer you up.
(He cuts a piece of the orange peel, puts it in his mouth, and imitates Don Corleone’s orange peel trick, which Maggie, watching from her bedroom window, got delighted upon seeing this. Legs, Louie, and Johnny Tightlips then laugh their heads off at this)
Louie: That’s better! I could whack my own mother now.
Fat Tony: (Discarding the orange peel) I’m glad you brought that up.
Louie: (Shocked) Kill my mother?! (Sadly) But she makes such good pasta sauce.
Johnny Tightlips: It comes from a can.
Louie: She’s a corpse.
(Fat Tony’s gang and the Castellaneta Family were about to get into a gunfight at Luigi’s, unaware of Maggie about to be caught in the middle)
President: (Approaching, as if trying to stop this) Now hold on there. I’m the President of the Italian-American Anti-Defamation League.
(Then he angrily pulls two of his guns out from both sides underneath his business suit and points them at both Fat Tony’s gang and the Castellaneta Family, akimbo-style)
President: (Angrily) And this really burns my cannoli!