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Moonshine River |
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- Homer: Kent Brockman at the First Annual Springfield Grand Prix, which, like all our town showcase events, is not only poorly planned, it's horribly executed.
- (rooster crowing)
- Bart: Mary Spuckler, you're my last chance.
- Milhouse: She's pretty cute for Cletus's daughter.
- Bart: Yeah, she liked to drink milk as a kid instead of white paint.
- Cletus: Is you one of my kids?
- Bart: No, sir!
- Cletus: Prove it!
- Bart: A, B, C...
- Cletus: All right, all right! You convinced me, Einstein. What you want?
- Bart: Is Mary here?
- Cletus: I'm afraid Mary done run off. We knows not where.
- (Bart visits some of his old girlfriends)
- Jenny: Eat my shorts!
- Darcy: Drop Dead!
- Gina Vendetti: Eat fist jerk! (she punches him)
- Nikki: You've got a lot of nerve showing up here... And not giving a kiss! (Bart kisses her on the cheek) Inappropriate! I miss you... Stalker! (Bart runs away) Save me!
- Homer: Aw, look at that! My little guy is finally realizing how complicated grownup feelings can be.
- Marge: Well at least it didn't end as bad as Romeo and Juliet.
- Homer: No kidding! I saw your reviews! (holds a newspaper saying Bard to Death)
- Lisa: Hey! I specifically said no critics! this is outrageous! Ohh, but they liked me!
- Homer: (trying to drive across the "race track") Wait for the gap... wait for the gap...
- Marge: Homer, we can buy scotch tape tomorrow!
- Homer: There's the gap! (accelerates the car, the family screams) Gap's too small! (brakes and backs up)
- Bart: (seeing Lisa and Milhouse dancing) So is this a "date" date or a meaningless friend thing?
- Lisa: Meaningless friend thing.
- Milhouse: (interrupting her) True love super date!
- Bart: Well, if you two ever get serious and have a baby, it will look something like this! (grabs some balloons and makes a "Milhouse" with them)
- Milhouse: (Grabs the balloon Milhouse) Don't listen to uncle Bart. Lisa and I will raise you in a house of love.
- Lisa: (Angry at him) We're not having a baby! (pops out the balloon with her brooch)
- Milhouse: Jimmy!
- Lisa: (to Milhouse) Oh brother. Let's dance.