Bart: More. [gives him more] More. [gives him more; Bart has a small pile of lima beans on his plate] More.
Lisa: Uh, maybe you should eat the ones you have.
Bart: I didn't say I was gonna eat them. I just want to look at them because they're so gross. [pushes his plate away]
Lisa: Bart, if you don't want to have a babysitter, maybe you should stop being such a baby.
Bart: Oh, I'm a baby, huh? Well then I'll act like a baby. [takes a huge bite of his coffee ice cream] [it spills onto his shirt; he fills his cheeks with ice cream and his lips are covered in ice cream] Ga-ga goo-goo!
Lisa: Even babies know how to open and close their mouths. You need a bib. [ties a bib around Bart's neck]
Bart: Oh baby hate bib! Waah! Waah! [starts banging his spoon on Lisa's plate]
[Maggie starts crying]
Lisa: Oh, look, Bart! Now you got Maggie all upset!
Bart: Relax, I'll give her some ice cream. [gives all his ice cream to Maggie; Maggie's eye pupil shrinks]
Lisa: Bart, that's coffee ice cream. It has caffeine in it!!
[Maggie starts twitching her head and body hyperactively]
Bart: Well, at least that'll make things more interesting for you, now won't it?
Marge: Ooh, it's so beautiful! This is what I imagine Paris must be like.
Homer: You've never been?
Marge: I'm so honored that Springfield has been chosen to host to all these upscale chain stores. I guess that makes us yuppies, huh, Homie?
Homer: Ehh. I'm really more of a slacker.
Rainier Wolfcastle: (at the opening of "Planet Hype) It's true! The entire menu was personally approved by my secretary.
Tourist: Hey, this isn't faux dive. This is a dive.
Moe: You're a long way from home, yuppie boy. I'll start a tab.
[Lisa is trying to get a hyper Maggie down off of the shower curtain rod]
Lisa [to Maggie]: Maggie, If you come down, I'll give you some more coffee! Lots more coffee! [calls from upstairs] Are you getting ready for bed, Bart?
Bart [from downstairs]: I am! [on the phone in the TV room] That's right. I want the 25-foot Italian party sub. And don't skimp on the vinegar. [hangs up] It's time Lisa learned what babysitting Bart Simpson is all about. [dials someone else] Um, yes, I'd like to host an AA meeting? Tonight, if possible.
[Meanwhile, Hyper Maggie aims and plays with a bottle of Talcum Powder in her room]
Lisa: Come on Maggie! Good Maggie! The talcum powder's not to play with!
[Maggie squeezes the bottle of Talcum Powder, which completely covers Lisa in Talcum Powder. She coughs, then groans.]
[Lisa drags Bart upstairs to put him to bed]
Lisa: Why do you have to make this so difficult?
Bart: I'm using nonviolent resistance.
Lisa: Ugh, the idea that you would compare yourself to Mahatma Gandhi...
Krusty the Clown: Well, I'm not leaving 'til I get paid. I get five hundred just for "Hey hey!"
Air Force Officer: We got a report that a Lisa Simpson spotted a UFO.
Lisa: I didn't see any UFO!
Air Force Officer: That's right, miss. You didn't.
Chauffeur: I'm here to pick up the Ambassador from Ghana.
Lisa: Well he's not here! Nobody's here! And none of you should be here!! You've all been tricked!
Chauffeur: Why would the Ambassador do such a thing?
[Lisa goes into the kitchen, she sees Bart eating bread.]
Lisa: I thought I told you to go to bed!
Bart: Yeah right, bread. You said, "Go to bread."
Lisa: [clenching her teeth] I said, "Go to bed!"
Bart: Yeah. Go to bread.
Lisa: B-E-D! BED!
Bart: Ohhhhh, bed! Ohh! Anything you say, sis!
Lisa: [growls; twitches her eye]
[Lisa finds Bart jumping on Marge and Homer's bed]
Bart: You didn't say which bed!
Lisa: Go to your bed!
Bart: Make me.
Lisa: I'll make you! [lunges after him; Bart leaps off the bed]
Bart: If you want me, you gotta catch me! [Lisa lunges after Bart again; Bart jumps back] Almost. [Lisa lunges at Bart a third time; Bart jumps back again] Oh, so close.
Lisa: Bart! [lunges at Bart which causes him to jump back again but falls down the stairs; Lisa gasps] Oh my God...
Krusty: [enters the house] Ok, we'll call it even if I can just have some of that big sandwich. [sees Bart injured] Oh ha-ha, I'll come back. [leaves and shuts the door]
[Homer gets stuck in the water fountain floor and everyone laughs at him]
Homer: Don't laugh at me! I was once like you!
(Lisa calls 911 after Bart is injured.)
Lisa: Hello, this is Lisa Simpson and--
911 Operator: Simpson? Look, we've already been out there tonight for a sisterectomy, a case of severe butt-rot, and a leprechaun bite! How dumb do you think we are? (hangs up)
Chief Wiggum: [in Lisa's dream] The boy was studying quietly, when the girl, drunk on her own sense of power, beat him silly with a block of frozen lima beans.
[Lisa loads Bart into a wheelbarrow to take him to Dr. Nick's office.]
Lisa: Don't worry, Bart. Everything's gonna be just fine. I'm gonna get you to a doctor, [puts Maggie in the barrow] he will fix you up, and by this time tomorrow, we'll all be a happy family. [nervously] Happy, happy, happy family. [Maggie is restless and playing around with Bart's face] Maaaggie!! [Lisa looks around and eyes the cat carrier; scene shows Maggie in the cat carrier]
Snake: Yo, um, I must've, like, fell on a bullet, and it, like, drove itself into my gut.
Dr. Nick: Hey, don't worry. You don't have to make up stories here. Save that for court!
Comic Book Guy: Oooh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.
[Lisa is stopped by Chief Wiggum as she tries to wheelbarrow Bart to the hospital]
Chief Wiggum: Hold it right there. [gets out his car] Well, if it isn't Springfield's finest little babysitter, Lisa Simpson!
Lisa: Hi! How are you?
Chief Wiggum: Um, I'm fine. Now, Lisa, when you're walking down the side of the road, always wanna be sure to go with traffic, okay? Well... is that with traffic, or against traffic? No, it's with traffic. With traffic. Anyway, good night.
Chief Wiggum: Uh, hold on a minute! Let me have a look at that wheelbarrow, please.
Chief Wiggum: Just as I thought! It's a Yard King! That is a quality barrow. Well, I gotta run.
Mayor Quimby: Citizens of Springfield, I officially declare this...what the hell is that?! [sees Lisa with Bart in the wheelbarrow]