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Fears of a Clown
No Good Read Goes Unpunished
King Leer
Bart: Hey, I'm doing something educational.
Marge: Educational, my foot! I saw pixels.
Bart: It's TunnelCraft. A simulated world, where you explore, mine resources, and work with friends to build replicas of real buildings.
Marge: Can you die in that?
Bart: Yes.
Marge: It's a video game!

[The Simpsons are in a book store]
Homer: [reading book title] Man-Killing Snakes of the Amazon.
Library Owner: Sir! Never say "Amazon" in a book store!

[Homer wisely gives out books to the kids he sees fit]
Homer: Okay, let's book up and bug out. Here you go, Bart, The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants. Maggie, In Cold Blood. Lisa, with no apologies, The Memoirs of Barry Goldwater.

Bart: What do you have for a kid, who wishes his father was dead?

Bart: I do not seek war, but neither do I turn away.

Marge: What a great family day.
Homer: And there is only one perfect way to complete a great family day.
[Cut to Moe's Tavern, where Homer is drinking beer, alone]
Moe: So, how's the family?
Homer: I think they went to dinner. Something nice.

Bart: Maybe wisdom isn't so stupid after all.

Lisa: Another childhood classic bites the dust.

Lenny: Wait, why do you want me to text you, when your father's getting in the car.
Bart: That's none of your business, but let's just say, both of us will benefit.
[Bart bribes Lenny with a box; Lenny opens it]
Lenny: A trombone mute? But I don't have a trombone.
Bart: Open the other box.

[Homer rear ends Chief Clancy Wiggum's police car; Clancy gets out]
Clancy: Alright, Simpson. Blow into this.
[Clancy gives Homer a breathalyzer; Homer blows into it; an long balloon comes out]
Clancy: Now make it into a rabbit.
[Homer makes a balloon animal with the long balloon]
Clancy: Alright, Ralphie's birthday is today and you're the entertainment.

[Marge reads Lisa a censored-for-political-correctness version of The Princess in the Garden]
Lisa: This new Clara sounds like she starts out pretty well.
Marge: You betchya.
Lisa: But since she's already evolved, she doesn't really have an emotional journey to complete.
Marge: Nope.
Lisa: Kind of means there's no point to the book.
Marge: Well, what am I supposed to do?
Lisa: It's hard to say. Something that started decades ago and was applauded and inoffensive is now politically incorrect. What can you do?
[Screen pans to a framed picture of Apu, with the caption "Don't Have a Cow, Man."]
Marge: Some things will be dealt with at a later date.
Lisa: If at all.

Ned: Hey, Simpsons! We'll see you at church.
Bart: Not today, you won't.
Ned: Oh, well, we'll say a prayer for ya.
Bart: Don't mention my name, weirdo.

Homer: Milhouse, by God, if you want a ride home, you tell me what Bart's up to.

Bart: Dad, please. Isn't there any way to get the old Homer back?
Homer: Well, now, Bart-ily, why would you want that balding boob? [gasp] Oh, I said "boob"!
Ned: Uh-oh. Time for me to do a turtle. [Ned pulls his head down in his turtleneck sweater] I'll come out when the B-bombs stop flying.

Bart: Please, I want my dad! Not this horrid creature from the depths of Heaven, you've become.

Homer: If you truly surrender, give me your Halloween candy.
Bart: But it's March!
Homer: Most of it's still good.

[The movie theater catches on fire]
Jeremy: Excuse me! These films are original nitrate prints, which means that the theater has just caught up in a terrible fire! You have seconds to escape!
[Homer, Bart, Ned, and Jeremy escape the building alive; Organ music is heard playing inside; Jeremy stops in his tracks]
Jeremy: [realization] I never tell the organist.

Bart: Hmm, so that film is 100 years old?
Mr. Burns: No, they shot it at my place, yesterday.
Season 28 Season 29 Quotes Season 30
The SerfsonsSpringfield SplendorWhistler's FatherTreehouse of Horror XXVIIIGrampy Can Ya Hear MeThe Old Blue Mayor She Ain't What She Used to BeSingin' in the LaneMr. Lisa's OpusGone BoyHaw-Haw LandFrink Gets TestyHomer Is Where the Art Isn't3 Scenes Plus a Tag from a MarriageFears of a ClownNo Good Read Goes UnpunishedKing LeerLisa Gets the BluesForgive and RegretLeft BehindThrow Grampa from the DaneFlanders' Ladder
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