Wiki Targeted (Entertainment)
||No Good Read Goes Unpunished
- Bart: Hey, I'm doing something educational.
- Marge: Educational, my foot! I saw pixels.
- Bart: It's TunnelCraft. A simulated world, where you explore, mine resources, and work with friends to build replicas of real buildings.
- Marge: Can you die in that?
- Bart: Yes.
- Marge: It's a video game!
- [The Simpsons are in a book store]
- Homer: [reading book title] Man-Killing Snakes of the Amazon.
- Library Owner: Sir! Never say "Amazon" in a book store!
- [Homer wisely gives out books to the kids he sees fit]
- Homer: Okay, let's book up and bug out. Here you go, Bart, The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants. Maggie, In Cold Blood. Lisa, with no apologies, The Memoirs of Barry Goldwater.
- Bart: What do you have for a kid, who wishes his father was dead?
- Bart: I do not seek war, but neither do I turn away.
- Marge: What a great family day.
- Homer: And there is only one perfect way to complete a great family day.
- [Cut to Moe's Tavern, where Homer is drinking beer, alone]
- Moe: So, how's the family?
- Homer: I think they went to dinner. Something nice.
- Bart: Maybe wisdom isn't so stupid after all.
- Lisa: Another childhood classic bites the dust.
- Lenny: Wait, why do you want me to text you, when your father's getting in the car.
- Bart: That's none of your business, but let's just say, both of us will benefit.
- [Bart bribes Lenny with a box; Lenny opens it]
- Lenny: A trombone mute? But I don't have a trombone.
- Bart: Open the other box.
- [Homer rear ends Chief Clancy Wiggum's police car; Clancy gets out]
- Clancy: Alright, Simpson. Blow into this.
- [Clancy gives Homer a breathalyzer; Homer blows into it; an long balloon comes out]
- Clancy: Now make it into a rabbit.
- [Homer makes a balloon animal with the long balloon]
- Clancy: Alright, Ralphie's birthday is today and you're the entertainment.
- [Marge reads Lisa a censored-for-political-correctness version of The Princess in the Garden]
- Lisa: This new Clara sounds like she starts out pretty well.
- Marge: You betchya.
- Lisa: But since she's already evolved, she doesn't really have an emotional journey to complete.
- Marge: Nope.
- Lisa: Kind of means there's no point to the book.
- Marge: Well, what am I supposed to do?
- Lisa: It's hard to say. Something that started decades ago and was applauded and inoffensive is now politically incorrect. What can you do?
- [Screen pans to a framed picture of Apu, with the caption "Don't Have a Cow, Man."]
- Marge: Some things will be dealt with at a later date.
- Lisa: If at all.
- Ned: Hey, Simpsons! We'll see you at church.
- Bart: Not today, you won't.
- Ned: Oh, well, we'll say a prayer for ya.
- Bart: Don't mention my name, weirdo.
- Homer: Milhouse, by God, if you want a ride home, you tell me what Bart's up to.
- Bart: Dad, please. Isn't there any way to get the old Homer back?
- Homer: Well, now, Bart-ily, why would you want that balding boob? [gasp] Oh, I said "boob"!
- Ned: Uh-oh. Time for me to do a turtle. [Ned pulls his head down in his turtleneck sweater] I'll come out when the B-bombs stop flying.
- Bart: Please, I want my dad! Not this horrid creature from the depths of Heaven, you've become.
- Homer: If you truly surrender, give me your Halloween candy.
- Bart: But it's March!
- Homer: Most of it's still good.
- [The movie theater catches on fire]
- Jeremy: Excuse me! These films are original nitrate prints, which means that the theater has just caught up in a terrible fire! You have seconds to escape!
- [Homer, Bart, Ned, and Jeremy escape the building alive; Organ music is heard playing inside; Jeremy stops in his tracks]
- Jeremy: [realization] I never tell the organist.
- Bart: Hmm, so that film is 100 years old?
- Mr. Burns: No, they shot it at my place, yesterday.
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