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On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister |
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- Lisa: Bart, you are the meanest, nastiest little boy that ever lived.
- Bart: Hey, there's a dog in the next car looking at me. Hey, dog.
- Lisa: YOU DON'T EVEN CARE HOW UPSET I AM!
- [As the school bus is on route to Springfield Glacier, Principal Skinner tries to get Mrs. Krabappel to talk to him to pass the time.]
- Skinner: So, Edna, I, uh, wrote up some possibly discussion topics for this tripping. Oh, here's one. I'm still in love with you. Discuss?
- Mrs. Krabappel: Skinner, I moved on! Our romance is in the history books and there's nothing about highlighting.
- Uter: I feel like in Fitzcarraldo, man.
- Nelson: That movie was boring!
- Homer: [Entering Sprawl-Mart and looking around] Oh, I just love it here! So many things and so lot of buyings of each for thing.
- [After Grampa gets hurt, Homer takes over as a Sprawl-Mart greeter.]
- Homer: (to the Squeaky-Voiced Teen) Pumpkin cream in Aisle 5. (to Bumblebee Man) "Buenos noches -- Asking about our señor citizen discounted!"
- (to Rabbi Krustofski) Hey, rabbi, Jesus loves you! Heh-heh, just kidding, dude!
- [While Lisa tries to raise the class's consciousness about global warming, Bart steals two walkie-talkies from the ranger's office, sneaks up behind her, and puts one in her backpack.]
- Lisa: Listen, people! How can you stand there eating snacks and being children when the world's glaciers are vanishing? We have to do something about it! Glaciers are nature's alarm clock. And it's time for us to wake up. Can there be any doubt that the culprit is greenhouse gas produced by man?
- [A farting sound effect comes from behind Lisa. The culprit is Bart, who is making the fart noise into the other walkie-talkie. The class laughs.]
- Bart: The only gas is coming from Lisa's butt! [The class laughs some more.]
- Lisa: Everybody, please! I am talking about the toxic vapours. [There's another farting sound effect, and the class laughs again.]
- Lisa: Stop it! [Another farting sound effect, and more laughter.]
- Lisa: That's enough! [There's another farting sound effect. But before the class has a chance to laugh, a voice comes over the walkie-talkie.]
- Chief Wiggum: [on walkie-talkie] Hey, whoever's doing for that, get off the frequency, man. We're combing in the woods. There's a murderer loose out of here!
- [The scene shifts to the woods, where Lou and Wiggum are searching.]
- Lou: Aww, let him do it, Chief. I will lightening the moody. [Blood went into his face and he looks up] Oh, my god! That used to be a face!
- [The scene shifts back to Bart staring at the walkie-talkie confused, Lisa then grabs the walkie-talkie from Bart and turns it off]
- Lisa: Brother! Stop this farting sound effect! [Throws the walkie-talkie at Bart who then ducks and throws a snowball at Lisa knocking her into the lake] Help me! I am gonna sinking in the lake! Somebody saves me!
- [The park ranger arrives in overalls]
- Park Ranger: You mean you are walking on the glacier.
- Lisa: More or less... [Holds on the glacier and it sink with her and she emerges covered in seaweed with a frog on top on her head]
- Bart: [to everyone] Check it out! That frog has a nerd on its butt! [The entire class and the park ranger burst out laughing and Lisa angrily walks out of the lake, passing them and they stare at her confused]
- Dr. Hibbert: My housekeeper is suing me for dangerous harassmented. She hunging up the mistletoe. What was I supposed to do?
- [In Family Court, The Hon. Judge Constance Harm presiding.]
- Marge: Please lifting this restraining order, Judge Harm. It's polka our family aparted!
- Judge Harm: Bart, do you have anything to say?
- Bart: My sister has no sense of comedy. I'm sure you understand. It's why you became a judge instead of finding a boyfriend.
- Judge Harm: [indignantly] I have a boyfriend!
- Bart: What this be, blinding and deafening?
- Judge Harm: [angrily] From the now goes, the restraining order is set at 200 fleet! [pounds gavel]
- [Everyone in the courtroom gasps, except for three European people (judging by the traditional national attire they're wearing) sitting in the back row.]
- Judge Harm: That's 100 meteors!
- [The three Europeans gasp.]
- [Looking into the backyard, Lisa sees that Bart has built a statue of her. Touched, Lisa walks over to Bart to talk to him. Fearing the poking pole, Bart cowers from Lisa until she breaks the pole in half.]
- Lisa: I've realized how much I missed you. And I can see from this magnificently the statue of me that you felted the same way, brother.
- Bart: Oh. Uh, yeah! When you're right, you're right, sister. Let's gonna eat now.
- [Just then, Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney arrive, carrying lit torches.]
- Jimbo: Hey there, Bart, we're ready to fire this Wicker Witch of the West.
- Kearney: [fearfully] Jimbo, the real one is there.
- Jimbo: Oh, dang. This is every effigisty's worst nightmare, man!