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Once Upon a Time in Springfield |
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- Sideshow Mel: Aaahhh!!!
- Krusty: Don't worry, I'll put out the flames.
- [Krusty hits Sideshow Mel with the fire extinguisher]
- Sideshow Mel: D'ow!
- Krusty: Oops! I use the wrong end!
- (Krusty puts the fire extinguisher in Mel's mouth and then Krusty sprays the fire extinguisher cream in Mel's mouth.)
- (Sideshow Mel groaning)
- (Krusty hits Sideshow Mel with the fire extinguisher again)
- Sideshow Mel: Ow!
- Bart: I can't keep watching this dreck! (takes Milhouse's glasses and puts them on) Uhh, much better.
- Milhouse: (Puts on a new pair of glasses) First girls ruin Sex and the City, now this!
- Lisa: I agree it's cliché, but she does have a certain... (gasps) Unicorn! (Gets closer to the TV)
- Bart: That is so fake! You can see the strap on the horn.
- Lisa: Just give me this!
- Bart: Poor Krusty, he's become the lowest form of life - a sidekick.
- Milhouse: You said it, Bart. Way to sum up the situation.
- Bart: Take it easy, little buddy.
- Milhouse: That's exactly how I'll take it.
- Homer: Wanna come in and get your sister with me?
- Bart: Hell, no!
- Homer: Watch your language! Now why the hell that?
- Bart: Aw, the Krusty show sucks now! It's all pink and princess-y! Why are great things always ruined by women? The Army, the Fantastic Four! Think how awesome 'American Idol' would be with just Simon and Randy.
- [Bart finds Krusty near a dumpster pouring cheap gin on a slice of bread and puts another piece of bread and eats it]
- Bart: Snap out of it! You're Krusty the Clown! One of Look Magazine's Hundred Most Promising Clowns of 1958!
- Krusty: A lot of suicides in that group. Funny suicides, heh heh, but still my day is over kid.
- Bart: What are you talking about? Whose name is on that sign?
- (A worker places Princess Penelope's face over Krusty's)
- Bart: D'oh!
- (A man is tossing Krusty merchandise into the dumpster and believes the real Krusty to be merchandise that didn't get tossed)
- Worker: Hey, how'd this one get way over here?
- (He tosses Krusty in the dumpster)
- Krusty: Oh, that's it. I've hit rock bottom. Well my comeback starts now! (His banging causes the lid of the dumpster to fall on him) I mean now! (A racoon appears and bites him) Ow! Let me start by getting out of the dumpster. (The dumpster rolls into the street) Oh, why do clown things always happen to clowns?
- Ms. Hoover: Ok, so far for inspirational women day, we've had 1 Princess Anne, 15 Dianas, 2 Princess Ingrid Alexandras of Norway and 1 Princess Leia.
- Ralph: I'm a Star Wars.
- [At Krusty's marriage]
- Eartha Kitt: [in her recording about Krusty and their 6 hour marriage] He was asleep for five of those hours, and the one when he was awake was a cat-tastrophe! Raarr!
- Princess Penelope: Wow, wow. This is such an eye-opener. (Bart and Milhouse fist-pump) I am blown away by how little this bothers me, I really love this guy!
- Krusty: And you are the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. And that's why I can't marry you, this kid and his ugly sister are right, I won't be good enough for you.
- Princess Penelope: You can never disappoint me! I know your past, your mugshots, your bowling alley shoe spray addiction, your country album, they don't bother me.
- Krusty: (Sprays his nose with bowling alley shoe spray) They don't?
- Princess Penelope: Don't you love me?
- Krusty: (Looks at Holly Hippie, then Eartha Kitt, then Princess Penelope) Princess, you're the only woman I care about enough to ditch at the altar.
- Princess Penelope: Ok, Krusty. If that's how you feel, we'll always have Sideshow Mel's dressing room.
- Sideshow Mel: What? Ewwwwww!