Bart Gets Hit by a Car
One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish
The Way We Was
Dr. Hibbert: Now, a little death anxiety is normal. You can expect to go through five stages. The first is denial.
Homer: No way! Because I'm not dying!
Dr. Hibbert: The second is anger.
Homer: Why, you little...
Dr. Hibbert: After that comes fear.
Homer: [cringing] What's after fear? What's after fear?
Dr. Hibbert: Bargaining.
Homer: Doc, you gotta get me out of this! I'll make it worth your while!
Dr. Hibbert: Finally, acceptance.
Homer: Well, we all gotta go sometime.
Dr. Hibbert: Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me. If you have any more questions, feel free to look at this brochure.
Dr. Hibbert hands Homer a brochure and departs office. The brochure shows the gates of Heaven opening.
Homer: (reads title) So You are Going to Die... (he looks at Marge)

[Homer makes a videotape.]
Homer: This is a videotape for my daughter, Maggie. Hi, Maggie! I'm speaking to you from beyond the grave. [making ghost noises] Woooo! Heh, heh, heh. Hope that didn't scare you. [now serious] Anyway, you're all grown up now. And unless you taped over this, you probably wanted to know what type of man your father was. He was a simple man, a kind man, who loved his children and...
[The phone rings, interrupting Homer.]
Homer: D'oh!
[No one is home, so Homer answers the phone. As he does so, his rear end is visible to the camera and Homer is seen scratching it.]
Homer: Hello! Yes, who is this? Bart's friend Milhouse? [shouting] BART! Get your butt down here!

[Homer is in jail, after being pulled over for speeding and then getting into an argument with the cops.]
Homer: [talking to himself] Oh no, I can't call Marge, it would upset her even more on her last day with me! Oh, I know, I'll call Barney!
[Homer dials the Gumble residence, but gets an answering machine that sings "Nobody's Home" to the tune of Beethoven's Fifth.]
Homer: D'oh! Stupid novelty answering machine! [Leaving message] Thanks, Barney! I waste my one phone call from jail getting your dumb answering machine!
Barney: [in his apartment] It's Homer! [picks up phone] Don't hang up! Hey, Homer, are you in jail? Hey, look out the window!
[Homer peers out the window of his cell to see Barney right next door to the jail. Barney waves.]
Barney: Hiya, neighbor! I can see you! Why are you in jail?
Homer: No time to explain! Just come over and pay the fifty dollars to bail me out!
Barney: FIFTY BUCKS?! Whadja do, kill a judge?

Homer: I'm sorry, officer. I know I was going too fast. Just give me a ticket.
Eddie: I beg your pardon?
Homer: Just give me a ticket!
Lou: Oh. Well, that sounded like an order.
Homer: I paid my taxes and they pay your salary! So when I say "give me a ticket," just give me a ticket!
Eddie: Uh-huh. Maybe we don't wanna give you a ticket.
Lou: Maybe we wanna haul butt in, wise guy.
[Suddenly, they pushed Homer in prison.]
Eddie: Hey, look what else your tax dollars pay for, huh?
[Cell door shuts as Eddie and Lou laugh.]

[Barney gives Homer a ride home and Homer grumbles about not having time to do all the things on his list. Then he sees Mr. Burns and Mr. Smithers girl-watching.]
Homer: Hey, my boss!
Mr. Burns: [looking through binoculars] Smithers, Check out the luscious pair on that redhead. [The view through the binoculars reveals that he's staring at her red stiletto shoes.] That's it, baby, work those ankles.
Smithers: Ring-a-ding-ding, sir.
Homer: [shouting] Hey, Burns! Eat my shorts!
[Barney drives away at high speed]
Mr. Burns: Who the Sam Hill was that?!
Smithers: Why, it's Homer Simpson, sir, One of the schmoes from Sector 7-G.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? I want him in my office at 9:00 Monday morning. We'll see who eats whose shorts.

Marge awakens and is shocked to see Homer is not next to her.
Marge: Homer? Homer!
Marge puts on bathrobe and goes downstairs. She sees a motionless Homer slumped in the armchair and thinks Homer has died.
Marge: Oh, Homer.
Marge sits in front of Homer, and touches his drool.
Marge: His drool--it's warm.
Marge gasps and starts to shake Homer awake.
Marge: He's alive!
Marge: Homer! Homer, wake up! You're alive.
Homer: Marge, stop it. Cut it out.
Marge: Wake up, you're alive! You're alive! You're alive!
Homer: What are you talking about?
Marge: You're alive!
Homer: I'm alive, and I couldn't be happier! From this day forward, I vow to live life to its fullest.
As credits crawl, Homer is shown sitting on the couch watching bowling tournaments while eating a bag of Pork Rinds Lite.

Season 1 Season 2 Quotes Season 3
Bart Gets an "F"Simpson and DelilahTreehouse of Horror (aka "The Simpsons Halloween Special") • Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every FishDancin' HomerDead Putting SocietyBart vs. ThanksgivingBart the DaredevilItchy & Scratchy & MargeBart Gets Hit by a CarOne Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue FishThe Way We WasHomer vs. Lisa and the 8th CommandmentPrincipal CharmingOh Brother, Where Art Thou?Bart's Dog Gets an FOld MoneyBrush with GreatnessLisa's SubstituteThe War of the SimpsonsThree Men and a Comic BookBlood Feud
Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.