|One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish||
- Dr. Hibbert: Now, a little death anxiety is normal. You can expect to go through five stages. The first is denial.
- Homer: No way! Because I'm not dying!
- Dr. Hibbert: The second is anger.
- Homer: Why, you little...
- Dr. Hibbert: After that comes fear.
- Homer: [cringing] What's after fear? What's after fear?
- Dr. Hibbert: Bargaining.
- Homer: Doc, you gotta get me out of this! I'll make it worth your while!
- Dr. Hibbert: Finally, acceptance.
- Homer: Well, we all gotta go sometime.
- Dr. Hibbert: Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me. If you have any more questions, feel free to look at this brochure.
- Dr. Hibbert hands Homer a brochure and departs office. The brochure shows the gates of Heaven opening.
- Homer: (reads title) So You are Going to Die... (he looks at Marge)
- [Homer makes a videotape.]
- Homer: This is a videotape for my daughter, Maggie. Hi, Maggie! I'm speaking to you from beyond the grave. [making ghost noises] Woooo! Heh, heh, heh. Hope that didn't scare you. [now serious] Anyway, you're all grown up now. And unless you taped over this, you probably wanted to know what type of man your father was. He was a simple man, a kind man, who loved his children and...
- [The phone rings, interrupting Homer.]
- Homer: D'oh!
- [No one is home, so Homer answers the phone. As he does so, his rear end is visible to the camera and Homer is seen scratching it.]
- Homer: Hello! Yes, who is this? Bart's friend Milhouse? [shouting] BART! Get your butt down here!
- [Homer is in jail, after being pulled over for speeding and then getting into an argument with the cops.]
- Homer: [talking to himself] Oh no, I can't call Marge, it would upset her even more on her last day with me! Oh, I know, I'll call Barney!
- [Homer dials the Gumble residence, but gets an answering machine that sings "Nobody's Home" to the tune of Beethoven's Fifth.]
- Homer: D'oh! Stupid novelty answering machine! [Leaving message] Thanks, Barney! I waste my one phone call from jail getting your dumb answering machine!
- Barney: [in his apartment] It's Homer! [picks up phone] Don't hang up! Hey, Homer, are you in jail? Hey, look out the window!
- [Homer peers out the window of his cell to see Barney right next door to the jail. Barney waves.]
- Barney: Hiya, neighbor! I can see you! Why are you in jail?
- Homer: No time to explain! Just come over and pay the fifty dollars to bail me out!
- Barney: FIFTY BUCKS?! Whadja do, kill a judge?
- [Barney gives Homer a ride home and Homer grumbles about not having time to do all the things on his list. Then he sees Mr. Burns and Mr. Smithers girl-watching.]
- Homer: Hey, my boss!
- Mr. Burns: [looking through binoculars] Smithers, Check out the luscious pair on that redhead. [The view through the binoculars reveals that he's staring at her red stiletto shoes.] That's it, baby, work those ankles.
- Smithers: Ring-a-ding-ding, sir.
- Homer: [shouting] Hey, Burns! Eat my shorts!
- [Barney drives away at high speed]
- Mr. Burns: Who the Sam Hill was that?!
- Smithers: Why, it's Homer Simpson, sir, One of the schmoes from Sector 7-G.
- Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? I want him in my office at 9:00 Monday morning. We'll see who eats whose shorts.
- Marge awakens and is shocked to see Homer is not next to her.
- Marge: Homer? Homer!
- Marge puts on bathrobe and goes downstairs. She sees a motionless Homer slumped in the armchair and thinks Homer has died.
- Marge: Oh, Homer.
- Marge sits in front of Homer, and touches his drool.
- Marge: His drool--it's warm.
- Marge gasps and starts to shake Homer awake.
- Marge: He's alive!
- Marge: Homer! Homer, wake up! You're alive.
- Homer: Marge, stop it. Cut it out.
- Marge: Wake up, you're alive! You're alive! You're alive!
- Homer: What are you talking about?
- Marge: You're alive!
- Homer: I'm alive, and I couldn't be happier! From this day forward, I vow to live life to its fullest.
- As credits crawl, Homer is shown sitting on the couch watching bowling tournaments while eating a bag of Pork Rinds Lite.
|◄ Season 1||Season 2 Quotes||Season 3 ►|
|Bart Gets an "F" • Simpson and Delilah • Treehouse of Horror (aka "The Simpsons Halloween Special") • Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish • Dancin' Homer • Dead Putting Society • Bart vs. Thanksgiving • Bart the Daredevil • Itchy & Scratchy & Marge • Bart Gets Hit by a Car • One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish • The Way We Was • Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment • Principal Charming • Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? • Bart's Dog Gets an F • Old Money • Brush with Greatness • Lisa's Substitute • The War of the Simpsons • Three Men and a Comic Book • Blood Feud|