Homer: (On a phone call with Marge) Marge, baby, I'm out the door.
Marge: Are you sure? Because sometimes people say they're out the door when they really haven't left yet.
Homer: Those people are horrible, horrible liars. See you soon! (hungs up the phone)
Mr. Burns: Simpson! Not so fast. Hold up one end of this poster!
(Homer and Smithers hold a "Safety first, last and always" poster) Now use it to conceal this. (they close a leak with the poster) Excellent. Now, let me just crank up the plumb bob to determine the vertical. (chuckles) With this mechanical marvel, we'll have this poster level in under three hours!
Lisa: (dressed as a seahorse) Mom! Mom! My costume for the science play is all wrong!
Marge: You said you were a seahorse!
Lisa: A male seahorse, with a pouch!
Marge: Males have pouches?
Lisa: Male seahorse's nurturing is one of the wonders of the world. You said you read the script!
Marge: Bart gave me a synopsis, I... (Realizes that bart made up the synopsis) Oh boy.
(Maggie spills her carrots and peas on Marge)
Bart: Mom, I'll clean that up for you.
Marge: Oh, thank God, some help.
Bart: Where's the mop?
Marge: In the mop closet.
Bart: Where's the bucket?
Marge: Under the mop! (Barts open a closet) Other closet! (He opens the second closet and some things fall from it)
Bart: There's stuff in front of it. (Marge groans) Let me help! (grabs a box and two bottles fall frm it and start corrosing the floor) Ay caramba! Hey, there's wood underneath this linoleum.
Marge: Oh! Just go play outside.
Bart: Outside? Your loss.
Bart: Hey, Martin.
Martin: Bartholomew! This playground has safely stimulated my imagination.
Bart: What the hell are you talking about?
Martha: Martin! (chuckles) Who's your new friend?
Martin: (Whispering) Mother, don't blow this for me!
Martha: Fine, I'll just go sit and talk to his mother. Where is she?
Bart: I'm here by myself. But I have a safety number! (calls a number on his phone)
Moe: Moe's Tavern. Homer ain't here, and for once, that's the truth. (Martha calls the police)
Chief Wiggum: Simpson, are you here unsupervised?
Bart: Yeah, and so what?
Chief Wiggum: I'd lose the attitude, "Sylvester Alone"! (Lou chuckles) Finally, a laugh out of Lou! Son, kids aren't allowed on their own anymore, now who said you could come here?
Bart: My mom.
Chief Wiggum: Ugh. Always the mom.
Marge: (sighs) What did Bart do now?
Bart: I was playing nicely in the park.
Marge: Bart, how could you... What?
Chief Wiggum: Your children need to be supervised. Take her away, boys!
Marge: If you take me away, then who's gonna watch my kids?
Chief Wiggum: You should've thought of that before we showed up unannounced. (Homer arrives)
Homer: What? Marge? You're being arrested!?
Chief Wiggum: I'm afraid so, Mr. Simpson. A mother at the park saw something she disapproved of, and luckily for your son, she overreacted.
Kent Brockman: Our top story, a Springfield mother has been arrested for an outrageous negligée. The... Sorry, I'm being told it's negligence, which is very boring.
Judge Roy Snyder: (to Bart) It is not within the purview of this court to determine how fat and smelly your father may be.
Lisa: This is Kafkaesque. Kafkaesque!
Judge Roy Snyder: I've got my eye on you.
Lisa: Now it's Orwellian!
Inmate 1: (To Marge) Have you been claimed yet?
Inmate 2: By one of the book clubs. (Marge sighs)
Inmate 1: Yeah, we read a little, dig a little, read a little, dig a little, kiss a little, dig a little... (Marge groans)
Homer: Wow. Wow! I really am the richest man in town. Not rich in money, but in what really matters: pity.
Kirk: And what happened to Marge is a wake up call for us all. There's no greater crime than half-assed parenting!
Luann: Kirk, where's Milhouse?
Kirk: On the leash, baby. On the leash.
Luann: He's too far!
Kirk: (retracting the leash) Retract. Retract!
Milhouse: Whoa! Why'd you pull me back? Some new kids were just about to give me a chance.
Kirk: Don't try anything new, son. I could've married a woman who didn't look exactly like me. (chuckling) But that would've been crazy!
Marge: (After winning a fight at the prison library) Now, if you ladies recall what this place is supposed to be for!?
Inmate 2: Smokin' weed?
Lisa: Dad! Dad! You're eating a teddy bear!
Homer: That's my stomach's problem.
Prison Guard: Exercise time!
Marge: Ooh... I never have time to exercise! Is this a prison or a spa? (one of the inmates stucks another in the head with a plank)
Inmate 3: Uh... It's a prison! (passes out)
Homer: Marge, I got great news! We hired the one good lawyer in town.
Blue Haired Lawyer: Yes, Mrs. Simpson, I got you off on a technicality. Since your husband never filed for a birth certificate, Bart isn't legally your son.
Homer: Hmm? Hmm!? How about that? Why aren't you saying anything, Marge? You're free. Free! Now, it's not the world you remember. The girl at the coffee place that left? Came back! So you'll have that to get used to.
Marge: (sad) I'm free?
Homer: Oh, and just in time! Bart's claiming he's in another dimension! But I think he's just hiding in the closet.
Marge: I had 90 days. (to a Guard) I was promised 90 days! (grabs the guard's gun and shoots up) Now you have to give me more time. (the Guard handcuffs her)
Homer: Wai... Wha!? Oh, no you don't!! I can't go to another school meeting! I can't! Everyone just asks about their own kid.
Prison Guard: Hey, you like shopping? 'Cause you just bought yourself two more months! (chuckles)
Marge: Sorry Homie. I can't go back yet.
Homer: Just tell me where the soap for the dishwasher goes and how do I... (The guard slams the door and Marge sighs in relief)
Homer: Marge would rather stay in prison than come home to me. I have to reexamine my entire life!
Carl: Yeah, maybe you can start by not bringing your kids to the bar.
Lenny: Yeah, it's kind of funny! Homer takes his kids to a saloon, but Marge is in jail for being a bad parent!
Homer: I guess somebody up there likes me. (The Camera goes to the sky showing Jesus and God)
God: Do you like him?
Jesus: Uh.. not really, no.
Bart: Are you as sick as I am of having grownups everywhere you go? (everyone agrees) I say we sneak off to the park and have fun by ourselves!
Milhouse: Great idea! I'll text my mom. (Bart knocks Milhouse's phone away) My Jitterbug senior phone!
Marge: Oh... I really miss my family.
Inmate 1: I thought they were letting you out.
Marge: I just wasn't ready for the outside. I didn't realize how much I needed a break, but maybe not a prison break.
Inmate 4: Prison break!?
Inmate 5: Prison break! Yeah! (The Inmates start rioting)
Bart: Finally! Kids having fun the way they were meant to.
Lisa: It just proves that danger is not the rule, but the exception.
Kent Brockman: This is Kent Brockman covering two of the biggest stories of the year: a tornado and a prison break, while I report safely from the Channel Six Emmy Watch bunker. Arnie Pye, what's the situation?
Arnie Pye: I'm... I'm about to die, Kent! And worst of all is the fact that your voice is the last one I'll ever hear. you pompous snow monkey! (static)
Prison Guard: Come on, man. Take the shot!
Sniper: No, I can't. I'll fire a warning shot at her hair. (the bullet ricochetes off Marge's hair and hits the Sniper's arm) Oh, she uses too much product!
Chief Wiggum: Don't worry. All the kids are accounted for except for, uh... Raife Waggum. Well, I have a sad call to make. (Calls the number and it makes a busy signal) Huh, busy.