Pokey Mom
Worst Episode Ever
Jack: Hey, if you're done with the washer can I make some booze in it?
Marge: (sternly) Not until you finish your sundae.
Jack: (sadly) Yes ma'am.
(Jack starts eating the sundae, looking pained with every bite)
Marge: (confused/upset) What's wrong with my sundaes?

[After Homer helps fix Moe's back]
Moe: Now I can focus on my cripling emotional problems. (crying) Why, Daddy, why? Why won't you hug me? You hugged the mailman.

Bart: (to Homer) How's your back?
Homer: Well, there's a dull ache, certainly. And layered on top of that is a club sandwich of pain. Only instead of bacon, there's agony. Marge, can I have a BLT?
Marge: How would you feel if I did some volunteer work at the prison?
Homer: First, I'd feel like having a BLT, then I'd be proud.

Marge: [to Homer] How's your back, Homey?
Homer: I can't complain. [indicates a sign which reads: "No Complaining"]
Warden: Ah, that's for the prisoners. You can complain all you want.
Homer: [complains] Oh, God, my back! It hurts so much! And my job is so unfulfilling!

[When Homer visits the chiropractor]
Dr. Steve: (cheerfully enters) Hello, Homer. I am Dr. Steve. Please lie down.(begins feeling Homer's back for the problem, and Homer falls asleep. Wake up, Homer!
Homer: Huh? Less yakking, more cracking.
Dr. Steve: (chuckles) Now Homer, we don't actually "crack" backs; it's merely an adjustment. OK, you're going to hear a loud cracking sound. (cracks Homer's back) There we go.
Homer: Hey! It feels a little better!
Dr. Steve: Mm-hmm, I thought it might. Now, I need to see you three times a week, for, uh… (checks his clipboard) …many years.

Marge: [to Principal Skinner] I read in the "Daily Fourth Gradian" that you need someone to paint a mural.
Principal Skinner: Yes, school spirit is down 3.4 percent.
Marge: Well, Jack here will do great work for you.
Principal Skinner: Oh, any references?
Jack: Well, to be honest with you, I spent the last six years in Waterville State...
Marge: It's a small liberal arts college. Very law-abiding. No convicts at all.
Principal Skinner: Well, the only other one to apply was Moe Szyslak and his stuff scares the hell out of me. (shows them a drawing that Moe did) Ugh! How can anyone consider that making love?

Lisa: (to Marge) So, how was it in the slammer?
Marge: Terrific. Bart, Sideshow Bob says he'll be seeing you real soon.
Bart: (laughs) Oh, that Bob.

Jack: I shot a guy named Apu.
Marge: Oh. Well, you know, lots of people shoot Apu. It's just a $100 fine now.

Warden: [to Marge] Lady, I know he charmed you with some "please's" and "thank you's", but he wasn't so polite to the guy he shot.
Apu: Actually, he was. He waited with me 'till the ambulance came, then ran like a deer.

Principal Skinner: Crowley's an ex-con? Dear God! I peed in front of him!

Principal Skinner: That felon could have torched the whole school, were it not stuffed with asbestos.
Chief Wiggum: We'll catch Crowley. And then he'll learn the fine art of police brutality.

Jack: [while burning down Principal Skinner's car] Puma Pride! Puma Pride! [laughs evilly] Catch the fever, Skinner!

Dr. Steve: [to Homer] Simpson! You're not a licensed chiropractor, and you're stealing patients from me and from Dr. Steffi.
Homer: Boy, talk about irony. The AMA tries to drive you guys out of business, now you're doing the same to me. Think about the irony.
Dr. Steve: [grabs Homer by the collar] You've been warned. Stop chiropracting.
Homer: Not unless you think about the irony.

Nelson: [after seeing Jack's mural] Finally. Art that doesn't suck!

Moe: [after Homer's "Spine-O-Cylinder" is destroyed] Forget it, Homer. It's "Chiro-town."

Principal Skinner: You know, when Superintendent Chalmers suggested a school mural, I almost thought he said a, "school Muriel." [laughs, but the audience is silent] Muriel's his sister. And, uh ... [a shotgun cocks] Well, thank you, Bruce Vilanch.
Bruce Vilanch: Whoopi would've made it work.

Marge: All great art is controversial at first, but years from now, people will point to these cuddly little creatures and say, "That's a Jack Crowley."

Principal Skinner: [while adjusting the school lunch menu] Now, uh, pizza's working well on Thursday, but I think the kids will follow it to Tuesday.
Groundskeeper Willie: That's what you said about the stuffed peppers, and you lost the young males.

Marge: [to Jack] You crumb-bum! You looked me right in the eye and lied to me.
Jack: Marge, this is the God's truth: I burned the mural, but I did not burn Skinner's car.
Marge: I just saw you! Get him out of here, Chief.
Chief Wiggum: Yes, ma'am.

Homer: [describing his Spine-O-Cylinder] And as you can see, the unique dents in my invention perfectly match the contours of the human vertebrains.

Season 11 Season 12 Quotes Season 13
Treehouse of Horror XIA Tale of Two SpringfieldsInsane Clown PoppyLisa the Tree HuggerHomer vs. DignityThe Computer Wore Menace ShoesThe Great Money CaperSkinner's Sense of SnowHOMЯPokey MomWorst Episode EverTennis the MenaceDay of the JackanapesNew Kids on the BlecchHungry, Hungry HomerBye Bye NerdieSimpson SafariTrilogy of ErrorI'm Goin' to PraiselandChildren of a Lesser ClodSimpsons Tall Tales
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