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I Married Marge
Radio Bart
Lisa the Greek
[Looking for a snack, Homer finds several containers of Neapolitan ice cream in the freezer.]
Homer: [in anticipation] Mmmm... chocolate!
[Homer opens the container and the chocolate ice cream is all gone. The strawberry and vanilla are completely untouched.]
Homer: D'oh! [tries another container] Mmmm... chocolate! [same results] D'oh!
[Homer checks the rest of the containers and they're all the same: Chocolate all gone and strawberry and vanilla untouched.]
Homer: [hollering] Marge! We need some more vanilla, chocolate and strawberry ice cream!

[Bart plays his first prank with the Superstar Celebrity Microphone. The victim is Homer.]
Bart: [on radio] People of Earth, this is Bartron, commander of the Martian invasion force. Your planet is in our hands. Resistance is useless. We have captured your President. He was delicious!
[Homer screams, runs out of the kitchen, and fetches a shotgun.]

[Bart and his microphone strike again. This time the victims are Rod and Todd Flanders.]
Bart: [on radio] Rod! Todd! This is God!
Rod: How did you get on the radio?
Bart: Whaddya mean, 'How did I get on the radio?' I created the universe! Stupid kid.
[Rod and Todd quickly fall to their knees and clasp their hands.]
Todd: Forgive my brother. We believe you!
Bart: Talk is cheap. Here is a test of your faith. Walk through the wall; I will remove it for you!
[Rod makes the attempt and walks into the wall.]
Bart: Later. [laughs]
Todd: What do you want from us?
Bart: I got a job for you. Bring forth all the cookies from your kitchen and leave them on the Simpsons' porch.
Rod: But those cookies belong to our parents!
Bart: [grumbles] Look, do you want a happy God or a vengeful God?
Todd: [quickly] Happy God!
Bart: Then quit flapping your lip and make with the cookies!
Rod and Todd: Yes, sir!

[After hearing Timmy O'Toole's voice in the well, Groundskeeper Willie leaps onto his tractor and drives to town for help.]
Willie: [cutting several cars off] Outta my way! Look out, ya horse’s arse!

[In an interview with Kent Brockman, Krusty the Clown tells the story of the making of "We're Sending Our Love Down the Well."]
Krusty: I called my good friend Sting. He said, "Krusty, when do you need me?" I said, "Thursday." He said, "I'm busy Thursday." I said, "What about Friday?" He said, "Friday's worse than Thursday." Then he said, "How about Saturday?" I said, "Fine." True story!

[After falling into the well, Bart confesses his prank to Springfield Police officers Lou and Eddie.]
Bart: Look, I'll level with you. There is no Timmy O'Toole. It was just a prank I was playing on everybody.
Lou: Well you sure fooled us, kid.
Eddie: Hey, I've got an idea for a prank. Let's go home and go to sleep.
[They laugh and walk away, leaving Bart in the well.]

[On Channel 6 News, Kent Brockman interviews Homer and Marge about Bart's being stuck in the well.]
Kent: The time has come for finger-pointing, and most of them are squarely aimed at the boy's parents.
Homer: It's not our fault! We didn't want the boy, he was an accident!
Marge: [indignantly] Homer!!!
Homer: Uh... could you edit that last part out?
Kent: Mr. Simpson, we're live, coast-to-coast!
Homer: D'oh!

[As Bart is trapped in the well]
Marge: Hey Bart! I have a sweater you can wear! [She throws the sweater into the well]
Bart: Mom! It's too big!
Homer: Perfect! You'll grow into it!
Marge: Homer!
Bart: You know, I've done a lot of bad stuff through the years, I guess now I'm paying the price! But there's so many things I'll never get a chance to do! Smoke a cigarette, Use a fake ID, shave a swear word in my hair! {sobs}
Homer: What I can stand, I can stand no more! I'm gonna get you out of there myself!
[As Homer starts digging, Groundskeeper Willie sees what he's doing]
Willie: Now why didn't I think of that?! [retrieves his own shovel from his shack] Agnes... we've got work to do! [rips his shirt and the top of his overalls off]

[Led by Homer, a group of townspeople work to dig Bart out of the well after the city of Springfield refuses to help.]
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon: A canary!!
Willie: Gas! Out of the hole!
[Everyone runs out of the well in panic. Dr. Hibbert performs a quick autopsy on the dead bird.]
Dr. Hibbert: Gentlemen, this canary died of natural causes.
Willie: Back in the hole!

[Also joining in the effort to rescue Bart is Sting.]
Marge: Sting, you look tired. Maybe you should take a rest.
Sting: Not while one of my fans needs me.
Marge: Actually, I don't know if I've ever heard Bart play one of your albums.
Homer: [shushing Marge] Sssshhhh!! Marge, he's a good digger!

Lisa: Dad, can I have some money to buy Bart a birthday present?
Homer: Here you go.
Lisa: [counts the money] Dad, this is $110!
Homer: Oh, sorry. [gives her his wallet]

Falcon Man: Grasping the child firmly in his talons, Socrates here will fly him to safety! Just watch. [The falcon is released and flies away.] I don't think he's coming back.

Chief Wiggum: I'm afraid we've got a budget problem, Marge. Your boy picked a bad time to fall down a well. If he had done it at the beginning of the fiscal year, no problemo.

Homer: That little Timmy is a real hero.
Lisa: What makes him a hero, Dad?
Homer: Well, he fell down the well and... can't get out.
Lisa: How does that make him a hero?
Homer: Well, it's more than you did!

Bart: [at the barber shop, getting a shave] Digital audio tape, my butt! When I was a kid, we had compact discs, and I don't recall no one complaining.
Barber: Damn right.

Homer: Don't worry, son. Just 'cuz you're trapped in a hole doesn't mean you can't live a rich and full life.

Season 2 Season 3 Quotes Season 4
Stark Raving DadMr. Lisa Goes to WashingtonWhen Flanders FailedBart the MurdererHomer DefinedLike Father, Like ClownTreehouse of Horror IILisa's PonySaturdays of ThunderFlaming Moe'sBurns Verkaufen der KraftwerkI Married MargeRadio BartLisa the GreekHomer AloneBart the LoverHomer at the BatSeparate VocationsDog of DeathColonel HomerBlack WidowerThe Otto ShowBart's Friend Falls in LoveBrother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?