Radio Bart/Quotes

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◄ I Married Marge

Radio Bart

Lisa the Greek ►

[Looking for a snack, Homer finds several containers of Neapolitan ice cream in the freezer.]

Homer: [in anticipation] Mmmm... chocolate!

[Homer opens the container and the chocolate ice cream is all gone. The strawberry and vanilla are completely untouched.]

Homer: D'oh! [tries another container] Mmmm... chocolate! [same results] D'oh!

[Homer checks the rest of the containers and they're all the same: Chocolate all gone and strawberry and vanilla untouched.]

Homer: [hollering] Marge! We need some more vanilla, chocolate and strawberry ice cream!

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[Bart plays his first prank with the Superstar Celebrity Microphone. The victim is Homer.]

Bart: [on radio] People of Earth, this is Bartron, commander of the Martian invasion force. Your planet is in our hands. Resistance is useless. We have captured your President. He was delicious!

[Homer screams, runs out of the kitchen, and fetches a shotgun.]

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[Bart and his microphone strike again. This time the victims are Rod and Todd Flanders.]

Bart: [on radio] Rod! Todd! This is God!

Rod: How did you get on the radio?

Bart: Whaddya mean, 'How did I get on the radio?' I created the universe! Stupid kid.

[Rod and Todd quickly fall to their knees and clasp their hands.]

Todd: Forgive my brother. We believe you!

Bart: Talk is cheap. Here is a test of your faith. Walk through the wall; I will remove it for you!

[Rod makes the attempt and walks into the wall.]

Bart: Later. [laughs]

Todd: What do you want from us?

Bart: I got a job for you. Bring forth all the cookies from your kitchen and leave them on the Simpsons' porch.

Rod: But those cookies belong to our parents!

Bart: [grumbles] Look, do you want a happy God or a vengeful God?

Todd: [quickly] Happy God!

Bart: Then quit flapping your lip and make with the cookies!

Rod and Todd: Yes, sir!

---

[After hearing Timmy O'Toole's voice in the well, Groundskeeper Willie leaps onto his tractor and drives to town for help.]

Willie: [cutting several cars off] Outta my way! Look out, ya horse’s arse!

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[In an interview with Kent Brockman, Krusty the Clown tells the story of the making of "We're Sending Our Love Down the Well."]

Krusty: I called my good friend Sting. He said, "Krusty, when do you need me?" I said, "Thursday." He said, "I'm busy Thursday." I said, "What about Friday?" He said, "Friday's worse than Thursday." Then he said, "How about Saturday?" I said, "Fine." True story!

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[After falling into the well, Bart confesses his prank to Springfield Police officers Lou and Eddie.]

Bart: Look, I'll level with you. There is no Timmy O'Toole. It was just a prank I was playing on everybody.

Lou: Well you sure fooled us, kid.

Eddie: Hey, I've got an idea for a prank. Let's go home and go to sleep.

[They laugh and walk away, leaving Bart in the well.]

---

[On Channel 6 News, Kent Brockman interviews Homer and Marge about Bart's being stuck in the well.]

Kent: The time has come for finger-pointing, and most of them are squarely aimed at the boy's parents.

Homer: It's not our fault! We didn't want the boy, he was an accident!

Marge: [indignantly] Homer!!!

Homer: Uh... could you edit that last part out?

Kent: Mr. Simpson, we're live, coast-to-coast!

Homer: D'oh!

---

[As Bart is trapped in the well]

Marge: Hey Bart! I have a sweater you can wear! [She throws the sweater into the well]

Bart: Mom! It's too big!

Homer: Perfect! You'll grow into it!

Marge: Homer!

Bart: You know, I've done a lot of bad stuff through the years, I guess now I'm paying the price! But there's so many things I'll never get a chance to do! Smoke a cigarette, Use a fake ID, shave a swear word in my hair! {sobs}

Homer: What I can stand, I can stand no more! I'm gonna get you out of there myself!

[As Homer starts digging, Groundskeeper Willie sees what he's doing]

Willie: Now why didn't I think of that?! [retrieves his own shovel from his shack] Agnes... we've got work to do! [rips his shirt and the top of his overalls off]

---

[Led by Homer, a group of townspeople work to dig Bart out of the well after the city of Springfield refuses to help.]

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon: A canary!!

Willie: Gas! Out of the hole!

[Everyone runs out of the well in panic. Dr. Hibbert performs a quick autopsy on the dead bird.]

Dr. Hibbert: Gentlemen, this canary died of natural causes.

Willie: Back in the hole!

---

[Also joining in the effort to rescue Bart is Sting.]

Marge: Sting, you look tired. Maybe you should take a rest.

Sting: Not while one of my fans needs me.

Marge: Actually, I don't know if I've ever heard Bart play one of your albums.

Homer: [shushing Marge] Sssshhhh!! Marge, he's a good digger!

---

Lisa: Dad, can I have some money to buy Bart a birthday present?

Homer: Here you go.

Lisa: [counts the money] Dad, this is $110!

Homer: Oh, sorry. [gives her his wallet]

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Falcon Man: Grasping the child firmly in his talons, Socrates here will fly him to safety! Just watch. [The falcon is released and flies away.] I don't think he's coming back.

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Chief Wiggum: I'm afraid we've got a budget problem, Marge. Your boy picked a bad time to fall down a well. If he had done it at the beginning of the fiscal year, no problemo.

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Homer: That little Timmy is a real hero.

Lisa: What makes him a hero, Dad?

Homer: Well, he fell down the well and... can't get out.

Lisa: How does that make him a hero?

Homer: Well, it's more than you did!

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Bart: [at the barber shop, getting a shave] Digital audio tape, my butt! When I was a kid, we had compact discs, and I don't recall no one complaining.

Barber: Damn right.

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Homer: Don't worry, son. Just 'cuz you're trapped in a hole doesn't mean you can't live a rich and full life.