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Radio Bart |
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- [Looking for a snack, Homer finds several containers of Neapolitan ice cream in the freezer.]
- Homer: [in anticipation] Mmmm... chocolate!
- [Homer opens the container and the chocolate ice cream is all gone. The strawberry and vanilla are completely untouched.]
- Homer: D'oh! [tries another container] Mmmm... chocolate! [same results] D'oh!
- [Homer checks the rest of the containers and they're all the same: Chocolate all gone and strawberry and vanilla untouched.]
- Homer: [hollering] Marge! We need some more vanilla, chocolate and strawberry ice cream!
- [Bart plays his first prank with the Superstar Celebrity Microphone. The victim is Homer.]
- Bart: [on radio] People of Earth, this is Bartron, commander of the Martian invasion force. Your planet is in our hands. Resistance is useless. We have captured your President. He was delicious!
- [Homer screams, runs out of the kitchen, and fetches a shotgun.]
- [Bart and his microphone strike again. This time the victims are Rod and Todd Flanders.]
- Bart: [on radio] Rod! Todd! This is God!
- Rod: How did you get on the radio?
- Bart: Whaddya mean, 'How did I get on the radio?' I created the universe! Stupid kid.
- [Rod and Todd quickly fall to their knees and clasp their hands.]
- Todd: Forgive my brother. We believe you!
- Bart: Talk is cheap. Here is a test of your faith. Walk through the wall; I will remove it for you!
- [Rod makes the attempt and walks into the wall.]
- Bart: Later. [laughs]
- Todd: What do you want from us?
- Bart: I got a job for you. Bring forth all the cookies from your kitchen and leave them on the Simpsons' porch.
- Rod: But those cookies belong to our parents!
- Bart: [grumbles] Look, do you want a happy God or a vengeful God?
- Todd: [quickly] Happy God!
- Bart: Then quit flapping your lip and make with the cookies!
- Rod and Todd: Yes, sir!
- [After hearing Timmy O'Toole's voice in the well, Groundskeeper Willie leaps onto his tractor and drives to town for help.]
- Willie: [cutting several cars off] Outta my way! Look out, ya horse’s arse!
- [In an interview with Kent Brockman, Krusty the Clown tells the story of the making of "We're Sending Our Love Down the Well."]
- Krusty: I called my good friend Sting. He said, "Krusty, when do you need me?" I said, "Thursday." He said, "I'm busy Thursday." I said, "What about Friday?" He said, "Friday's worse than Thursday." Then he said, "How about Saturday?" I said, "Fine." True story!
- [After falling into the well, Bart confesses his prank to Springfield Police officers Lou and Eddie.]
- Bart: Look, I'll level with you. There is no Timmy O'Toole. It was just a prank I was playing on everybody.
- Lou: Well you sure fooled us, kid.
- Eddie: Hey, I've got an idea for a prank. Let's go home and go to sleep.
- [They laugh and walk away, leaving Bart in the well.]
- [On Channel 6 News, Kent Brockman interviews Homer and Marge about Bart's being stuck in the well.]
- Kent: The time has come for finger-pointing, and most of them are squarely aimed at the boy's parents.
- Homer: It's not our fault! We didn't want the boy, he was an accident!
- Marge: [indignantly] Homer!!!
- Homer: Uh... could you edit that last part out?
- Kent: Mr. Simpson, we're live, coast-to-coast!
- Homer: D'oh!
- [As Bart is trapped in the well]
- Marge: Hey Bart! I have a sweater you can wear! [She throws the sweater into the well]
- Bart: Mom! It's too big!
- Homer: Perfect! You'll grow into it!
- Marge: Homer!
- Bart: You know, I've done a lot of bad stuff through the years, I guess now I'm paying the price! But there's so many things I'll never get a chance to do! Smoke a cigarette, Use a fake ID, shave a swear word in my hair! {sobs}
- Homer: What I can stand, I can stand no more! I'm gonna get you out of there myself!
- [As Homer starts digging, Groundskeeper Willie sees what he's doing]
- Willie: Now why didn't I think of that?! [retrieves his own shovel from his shack] Agnes... we've got work to do! [rips his shirt and the top of his overalls off]
- [Led by Homer, a group of townspeople work to dig Bart out of the well after the city of Springfield refuses to help.]
- Apu Nahasapeemapetilon: A canary!!
- Willie: Gas! Out of the hole!
- [Everyone runs out of the well in panic. Dr. Hibbert performs a quick autopsy on the dead bird.]
- Dr. Hibbert: Gentlemen, this canary died of natural causes.
- Willie: Back in the hole!
- [Also joining in the effort to rescue Bart is Sting.]
- Marge: Sting, you look tired. Maybe you should take a rest.
- Sting: Not while one of my fans needs me.
- Marge: Actually, I don't know if I've ever heard Bart play one of your albums.
- Homer: [shushing Marge] Sssshhhh!! Marge, he's a good digger!
- Lisa: Dad, can I have some money to buy Bart a birthday present?
- Homer: Here you go.
- Lisa: [counts the money] Dad, this is $110!
- Homer: Oh, sorry. [gives her his wallet]
- Falcon Man: Grasping the child firmly in his talons, Socrates here will fly him to safety! Just watch. [The falcon is released and flies away.] I don't think he's coming back.
- Chief Wiggum: I'm afraid we've got a budget problem, Marge. Your boy picked a bad time to fall down a well. If he had done it at the beginning of the fiscal year, no problemo.
- Homer: That little Timmy is a real hero.
- Lisa: What makes him a hero, Dad?
- Homer: Well, he fell down the well and... can't get out.
- Lisa: How does that make him a hero?
- Homer: Well, it's more than you did!
- Bart: [at the barber shop, getting a shave] Digital audio tape, my butt! When I was a kid, we had compact discs, and I don't recall no one complaining.
- Barber: Damn right.
- Homer: Don't worry, son. Just 'cuz you're trapped in a hole doesn't mean you can't live a rich and full life.
