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Ralph Wiggum Comics |
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Ralph Wiggum Comics is the an issue of the Simpsons One-Shot Wonders comic book series. It was released in February of 2012 in the United States.
Stories[]
The Man of the House[]
Chief Wiggum steps out of the house for a while. Since Sarah is already out, that means Ralph is in charge. Excited to be "the man of the house", he decides to make a meal starting with coffee, but he does it by pouring vase water, the entire container of coffee, and a bottle of milk, into the espresso machine and then putting the machine in the oven.
He then tries to make toaster waffles by putting milk and eggs into the toaster. He tries to add flour (or as he calls it, "flowers"), but spills it on himself and declares himself "fairy-dusted". As the coffee machine burns, he realises he needs to mop up the spilled eggs and milk, so he does, then he decides the mop needs cleaning.
He tries to do so in the toilet (inspired by his schoolmates giving him swirlies) which makes the water spill out of the toilet. He thinks the mop wet itself and therefore needs diapers, and then the smoke alarm goes off but Ralph thinks it's scared of him.
He forgets what he came into his room for and instead of the diapers, grabs a toy boat and sails it on the spilled toilet water. A fireman breaks in, who Ralph mistakes for a robber. Then, the rest of the fire brigade put out the fire from the burning espresso machine.
Ralph's Room 1[]
Ralph doesn't want to eat oatmeal, so Sarah does the old "here comes the plane" trick on him. At school, he bemuses Lisa Simpson, Sherri Mackleberry, Terri Mackleberry, Üter Zörker, and Todd Flanders by claiming a plane dropped food into his mouth.
Ralph Wiggum's Day Off[]
Ralph tries to take his report card to school, forgetting his lunch and then getting on the wrong bus. This causes him to think he has landed in the future and his schoolmates have now grown up. He is confused that the driver is not Otto, which confuses the driver as he thinks Ralph mistook the bus for an "auto".
Ralph is confused that the bus did not stop at school, wondering if the supposed future he went to doesn't have school. He sees a sign on a building reading, "Today's Future", so he leaves for the building. It turns out to be some sort of art gallery, so he climbs onto a pedestal and sings about how he loves being "in the future", to the patrons' delight.
This pleases him so much he doesn't want to "go back to the present". He walks off singing happily, causing Kent Brockman to mistake him for the singing telegram he ordered. He tells Ralph to sing happy birthday to Arnie Pye, but then gets stuck outside and cannot go to work. As such, his coworkers put Ralph on instead of Brockman. They tell him to read the script, but he decides not to upon finding an unfamiliar word.
He tells the news instead by "reading the pictures", but gets it wrong (for instance, thinking a picture of a house rolling down a hill means it's learning to do cartwheels). Brockman eventually finds his way in and broadcasts Ralph "impersonating" him on the news. Brockman's coworker bails Ralph out, but also compliments his broadcast.
Ralph then walks off and finds a suicidal man about to jump off a bridge, but when he tells him, "Fish or get off the pot", he decides he does not want to die after all and walks off laughing. Then, Wiggum finds Ralph and asks why he is not at school. Ralph replies, "There's no school in today's future," which Wiggum interprets to mean Ralph is playing hooky. Since he used to do that too as a child, he decides that they should both just head home for lunch.
Where's Ralph?[]
Ralph is hiding in a picture set in the jailhouse that involves the prisoners wreaking havoc all over the place.
Ralph's Room 2[]
Miss Hoover assigns her class to design and build a paper costume. Ralph initially wants to be Mittens, and then a horse, and then two horses, but then he accidentally glues the art supplies to himself. After falling over twice, he decides to just roll in the art supplies and make his costume that way.
The other students finish their costumes (an unnamed girl as a butterfly, Lisa as the Statue of Liberty, and an unnamed boy as a banana to name a few) and Ralph ends up winning the contest because Skinner mistook him for being dressed as a mummy, to Lisa's annoyance.
Ralph the Role Model[]
Ralph wants a buddy, but Lisa, Bart, Sherri, Terri, and Jimbo Jones all decline, with Ralph inadvertently angering Lisa by asking her to be his friend three times.
He decides to play with his imaginary friends instead, but then a boy arrives and asks him to be his role model. Ralph dislikes how the boy "rains" (i.e. spits) when he talks due to a tooth gap and runs inside his house. He asks Sarah if he can be the boy's "road model" and she says yes, but he doesn't know what that is.
The other boy explains that it is "role model" and it means an older kid who helps younger kids. He then asks Ralph to retrieve his yo-yo from the drain, but when Ralph tries, he gets bit by a rat. When he runs off, the other boy turns out to have been a leprechaun in disguise. Wiggum grabs the rat and reveals that it is rabid (but Ralph will be okay as he is vaccinated) making Ralph a hero.
The leprechaun is frustrated at how lucky Ralph is and wants to try again to give him bad luck, so he turns back into a little boy and asks Ralph to teach him how to pitch a baseball. The baseball is magic and flies into Chalmers's window, however, this turns out to be a blessing in disguise as it prevented Chalmers from oversleeping.
The leprechaun asks Ralph to teach him how to ride a bicycle, and then sends him crashing into a construction site. However, he ends up landing on Snake, which leads to Snake's arrest. The leprechaun gives up, and says, "Doggone it!", so Ralph, who took that to mean the "boy"'s dog is gone, gives him Wiggum's police dogs to play with, making them angrily chase him down the street.