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Realty Bites |
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- Homer: (while lounging on the couch) Ah, I love these lazy Saturdays.
- Marge: It's Wednesday, Homer.
- Homer: (screams) Work!
- Homer: Ahhh, I love these real Saturdays, they're so relaxing, not like that fake Saturday that almost got me fired.
- Marge: Lionel Hutz? I didn't know you sold real estate.
- Lionel Hutz: You didn't? We should talk more often, Marge. You see, the law business is a little slow, and since most of my clients wind up losing their houses this was a natural move for me.
- Marge: Selling people houses... That must be really rewarding.
- Lionel Hutz: Yes, the money is good. But the beauty is, you get to stay in the house until it's sold!
- Ned Flanders: (screams) Purple drapes. All my life I've wanted purple drapes! (screams)
- Moe: (eyeing Homer's new car) Gee, that hot rod is souped-up six ways from Sunday! Never had you figured for a gear-head, Homer.
- Homer: Oh, yeah. I'm a real expert.
- Moe: (lifts the hood) What is that, a six-barrel Holley carb?
- Homer: You betcha.
- Moe: Edelbrock intakes?
- Homer: Nothing but.
- Moe: Meyerhof lifters?
- Homer: Oh, yeah.
- Moe: I made that last one up.
- Homer: I see.
- Marge: (while at the unemployment office) $300 for doing nothing? It feel like such a crook.
- George Bush Sr.: Don't worry. It gets easier every week.
- Marge: What in the heck is a dwelling?
- Cookie Kwan: Hi, Marge! Stay off the west side!
- Marge: A headset telephone? I thought those only existed in the movies!
- Lisa: (while riding in Homer's car) Dad, doesn't this car have seatbelts?
- Homer: Seatbelts, pff! They kill more people than they save!
- Lisa: That's not true, you're thinking of airbags!
- Homer: (to Principal Skinner) Hey Skinner, wanna drag race? [revs his car engine]
- Principal Skinner: My high school sweetheart was killed in a high school drag racing accident.
- Homer: Come on, it'll be fun!
- Principal Skinner: That's what Debbie Sue said.
- Marge: Selling real estate could be just what I'm looking for. I'd really like to give it a try.
- Homer: I don't know, Marge. Trying is the first step towards failure.
- Marge: I thought I'd do anything to succeed in business, but bending the truth? I don't know.
- Snake: (about his car Lil' Bandit) Hey, that smells like regular. She needs premium, dude! PREMIUM! DUUUUUDE!!
- Kirk: I told that idiot to slice my sandwich! (wire cuts half of his arm off) Ow.