Bart: Ladies and gentlemen, I am a big dummy with a stupid job. I write down what other people say just like a big dummy would. Could the court reporter read that back?
Court Reporter: "I am a big dummie with a stupid job"!? Hey!! (Bart giggles)
Judge Snyder: In all my years of being a judge, I've never seen such a flimsy case.
Chief Wiggum : Are you sure? Because we've brought you a lot of flimsy cases. Like that goat we accused of income tax evasion. I still think he was guilty.
Ned: (about Lisa) Just as I feared, her Buddhism has led directly to witchcraft. (adjust his glasses and see a pentagram Lisa's computer) And she's teleconferencing the devil using that computer from Hell!!
Ned: We'll let the authorities sort that out! (calls the Witchcraft Advisory)
Groundskeeper Willie: I have reconstructed the ultimate instrument of colonial justice: The dunking stool! If the alleged witches survive the dunking, they clearly were witches! If they drown, then they were clearly innocent.
Skinner: After this it will be featured in the fifth grade play of the Crucible.
Superintendent Chalmers: Good seats still available and by that I mean seats in the back where you can fall asleep.
Marge: From now on the only witch in Lisa's life is which boy will marry her.