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|Saturdays of Thunder||
- Bart: Dad, I don't know how to say this. I don't want to drive your car. It's slow, it's ugly; it handles like a shopping cart.
- Martin: What is the matter with you?
- Bart: It's my dad. Lying there on the couch, drinking a beer, staring at the TV... I've never seen him like that.
- Bart: Oh, I don't know if I should do that. My dad and I build our car together, and if I drove somebody else's it'd kill him! On the other hand, I'll do it!
- Homer: Thank you, Bill Cosby. You've saved The Simpsons!
- Homer: What's the quickest, cheapest, easiest way to do something with you?
- Lisa: Uh, take us to the video store?
- Homer: Anything for my little girl.
- Nelson: Hey, Simpson, where's your loser-mobile?
- Homer: Loser mobile... hehehe... wait a minute!
- Bart: Uh, It's over there Nelson.
- Nelson: Whoa, talk about your pieces of crap!
- Homer: I'm a bad father!
- Selma: You're also fat.
- Homer: I'm also fat!
- Homer calls Fatherhood Institute
- Homer: I got 0 on your quiz.
- Director: A zero?! Please hold.
- Director puts Homer on hold and talks to his secretary
- Director: Cancel my 1:00!
- Simpson residence. Men abduct Homer, who takes it in stride
- Homer: Goodbye, son!
- Milhouse: Hey, Bart, I think they're finally hauling your dad away!
- Bart: Maybe it's for the best.
- Director: For starters, Mr. Simpson, take this copy of Fatherhood by Bill Cosby.
- Homer: If he's as smart as he is funny, I'm sold!
- Marge: Question one: "Name one of your child's friends."
- Homer: Uh, let's see, Bart's friends... well, there's the fat kid with the thing, uh, the little wiener who's always got his hands in his pockets.
- Marge: They want a name, Homer, not a vague description.
- Homer: Okay...Hank?
- Marge: Hank? "Hank" who?
- Homer: Hank...Jones.
- Marge: Homer, you made that up! Question two: "Who is your son's hero?"
- Homer: Steve McQueen.
- Marge: That's your hero! "Name another dad you talk to about parenting."
- Homer: Next!
- Marge: "What are your son's hobbies?"
- Homer: Well, he's always chewing on the phone cord.
- Marge: He hasn't done that since he was two!
- Homer: Then he has no hobbies!
- Homer: Wow, I'm one question away from being a perfect father! "Name another dad you talk to about parenting."
- Ned Flanders: Ohh! - Hey-hey-ho, Simpson.
- Homer: Shut up, Flanders. Flanders! Flanders! Flanders. Uh... Uh... When should a boy start dating?
- Ned Flanders: There are two schools of thought on the subject-
- Homer: Great! Thanks! (rushes away) I talked to Flanders about parenting! I'm a perfect father!
- Referee: Whoa. Where's your helmet?
- Bart: Helmets are for wusses, sir.
- Referee: I can't let you go without a helmet.
- Homer: He's my son, and if he doesn't wanna wear one, you can't make him!
- Referee: Okay, fine. I wanna get out of here sometime today.
- Martin: Deploy, damn you, DEPLOY!
- (The rocket car crashes into the barrier, as a fire truck rushes over to extinguish the vehicle)
- Martin: (runs around on fire) GAAHHHHH!