Simpsons Wiki
Lisa's Pony
Saturdays of Thunder
Flaming Moe's
Bart: Dad, I don't know how to say this. I don't want to drive your car. It's slow, it's ugly; it handles like a shopping cart.

Martin: What is the matter with you?
Bart: It's my dad. Lying there on the couch, drinking a beer, staring at the TV... I've never seen him like that.

Bart: Oh, I don't know if I should do that. My dad and I build our car together, and if I drove somebody else's it'd kill him! On the other hand, I'll do it!

Homer: Thank you, Bill Cosby. You've saved The Simpsons!

Homer: What's the quickest, cheapest, easiest way to do something with you?
Lisa: Uh, take us to the video store?
Homer: Anything for my little girl.

Nelson: Hey, Simpson, where's your loser-mobile?
Homer: Loser mobile... hehehe... wait a minute!
Bart: Uh, It's over there Nelson.
Nelson: Whoa, talk about your pieces of crap!

Homer: I'm a bad father!
Selma: You're also fat.
Homer: I'm also fat!

Homer calls Fatherhood Institute
Homer: I got 0 on your quiz.
Director: A zero?! Please hold.
Director puts Homer on hold and talks to his secretary
Director: Cancel my 1:00!
Simpson residence. Men abduct Homer, who takes it in stride
Homer: Goodbye, son!
Milhouse: Hey, Bart, I think they're finally hauling your dad away!
Bart: Maybe it's for the best.

Director: For starters, Mr. Simpson, take this copy of Fatherhood by Bill Cosby.
Homer: If he's as smart as he is funny, I'm sold!

Marge: Question one: "Name one of your child's friends."
Homer: Uh, let's see, Bart's friends... well, there's the fat kid with the thing, uh, the little wiener who's always got his hands in his pockets.
Marge: They want a name, Homer, not a vague description.
Homer: Okay...Hank?
Marge: Hank? "Hank" who?
Homer: Hank...Jones.
Marge: Homer, you made that up! Question two: "Who is your son's hero?"
Homer: Steve McQueen.
Marge: That's your hero! "Name another dad you talk to about parenting."
Homer: Next!
Marge: "What are your son's hobbies?"
Homer: Well, he's always chewing on the phone cord.
Marge: He hasn't done that since he was two!
Homer: Then he has no hobbies!

Homer: Wow, I'm one question away from being a perfect father! "Name another dad you talk to about parenting."
Ned Flanders: Ohh! - Hey-hey-ho, Simpson.
Homer: Shut up, Flanders. Flanders! Flanders! Flanders. Uh... Uh... When should a boy start dating?
Ned Flanders: There are two schools of thought on the subject-
Homer: Great! Thanks! (rushes away) I talked to Flanders about parenting! I'm a perfect father!

Referee: Whoa. Where's your helmet?
Bart: Helmets are for wusses, sir.
Referee: I can't let you go without a helmet.
Homer: He's my son, and if he doesn't wanna wear one, you can't make him!
Referee: Okay, fine. I wanna get out of here sometime today.

Martin: Deploy, damn you, DEPLOY!
(The rocket car crashes into the barrier, as a fire truck rushes over to extinguish the vehicle)
Martin: (runs around on fire) GAAHHHHH!

Season 2 Season 3 Quotes Season 4
Stark Raving DadMr. Lisa Goes to WashingtonWhen Flanders FailedBart the MurdererHomer DefinedLike Father, Like ClownTreehouse of Horror IILisa's PonySaturdays of ThunderFlaming Moe'sBurns Verkaufen der KraftwerkI Married MargeRadio BartLisa the GreekHomer AloneBart the LoverHomer at the BatSeparate VocationsDog of DeathColonel HomerBlack WidowerThe Otto ShowBart's Friend Falls in LoveBrother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?