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The Blunder Years
She of Little Faith
Brawl in the Family
Homer: [to Bart] So, you think you know better than this family, huh? Well, as long as you're in my house, you'll do what I do and believe what I believe! (it turns out that he is talking to Bart) So butter your bacon!
Bart: Yes, father. [butters his bacon]
Lisa: (walking in) Mom, Dad, my spiritual quest is over!
Homer: Hold that thought... (to Bart) Bacon up that sausage, boy!
Bart: But, Dad, my heart hurts!
[Homer glares at him; Bart reluctantly wraps a slice of bacon around his sausage and eats it]
Lisa: I'm a Buddhist.
Homer and Marge: What?
Homer: That's it, Lisa. No more chatting room for you!

Richard Gere: I am dreaming of a free Tibet.
Lenny: We are dreaming of free sandwiches.

Carl: Hey, Richard, in An Officer and a Gentleman, did you really do all those sit-ups?
Richard Gere: I wish! I did one, and they just showed it a thousand times.

Marge: (cheerfully) Who wants some astro-lemonade?
Nerd: What precisely makes it "astro"?
Marge: Look, I don't want to start a whole thing with this.

Kearney: Fixing this church should be our top priority. And I say that as a teenager and a parent of a teenager.

Marge: (whispering) Here she comes! And a-one, and a-two, and...
Family: (singing) We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish -- (stop as Lisa enters)
Marge: ...oh. Hello, Lisa.
Lisa: I just came down for a glass of water.
Marge: Oh. Well, you do have a present under the tree. I guess no-one told Santa you were a Buddhist.
Lisa: Well, Santa can take it back, because I'm not ruled by material desi-- (gasps when she sees the "present") Is that a pony!?
(Homer and Bart stand beside it)
Homer: I don't know what Santa left you! I just know his name is Clip-Clop and he loves sugar. (holds out some sugar cubes to the pony)
Marge: Lisa, we love you, and we're not trying to put any pressure on you!
(She sets Maggie, carrying a candy cane, down on the floor, and nudges her with her foot. Maggie walks over to Lisa and holds out the cane.)
Lisa: (touched) Aww!
(Reverend Lovejoy peers through the living room window as Lisa takes the cane)
Reverend Lovejoy: Lick it! Lick it!
Lisa: (notices him) NO! (runs out of the house)

Lenny: Richard Gere! The world's most famous Buddhist!
Carl: What about the Dalai Lama?
Lenny: Who's the Dalai Lama?
Carl: You know, the 14th Reincarnation of Buddha?
Lenny: Who's Buddha?
Richard Gere: It's a good thing Buddhism teaches freedom from desire, 'cause I've got the desire to kick your ass!

Mr. Burns: This is Lindsay Naegle. Don't let the skirt fool you; she'll have this place making money in no time!

Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done!
Homer: You know, you say that so much it's lost all meaning.

Homer: The word un-blow-upable is thrown around a lot these days.

Bart: Hey, Lis, is Dad's credit card number 5784365343410709?
Lisa: You know it is.

Homer: [singing to the tune of "Whip It" while flossing his teeth] When you have a rib-eye steak, you must floss it. Oh, that meatloaf tasted great, you must floss it! Now, floss it! Floss it good!

Milhouse: I didn't know your dad was so interested in science.
Homer: Science?
Bart: Uh, he didn't say, "science." He said, "pie pants."
Homer: Mmmm, pie pants.

Homer: [to Bart] Son, we are about the break the surly bonds of gravity, and punch the face of God.

Reverend Lovejoy: People, we need some fund-raising ideas.
Marge: Let's just write to David Bowie again.
Reverend Lovejoy: No, he's done enough for this church.

[When the church is being re-designed]
Lisa: What are they doing to the church?
Lindsey Naegle: We're rebranding it. The old church was skewing pious. We prefer a faith-based emporium teeming with impulse buy items.
Lisa: I feel like I want to throw up.
Lindsey Naegle: Then my work is done.

Reverend Lovejoy: And Lord, please remember our infirm parishioners, especially Mrs. Glick, who's recovering from hip surgery, and now let us rise and, um, umm ...[scene goes to a control room where Mr. Burns and Lindsey Naegle look at Reverend Lovejoy on a monitor]
Lindsey Naegle: He's not going to say it.
Mr. Burns: Trust me, he'll say it, or I'll bust him down to Thursday night vespers.
Reverend Lovejoy: And thank Crazy Larry, whose big-screen TV prices are insane-ane-ane! [chuckles weakly]

Lisa: That's it!
Homer: [whispering] Quiet, Lisa! Everyone in the store is looking at you.
Lisa: They should take a good look at themselves, and what their church has become. [the congregation gasps]
Reverend Lovejoy: Lisa, it's still the same basic message, we've just dressed it up a little.
Lisa: Like the Whore of Babylon?[the congregation gasps]
Reverend Lovejoy: That is a false analogy!
Lisa: No, it's not. It's apt. Apt! [everyone gasps] Don't you see what Mr. Burns has done to this church?
Sideshow Mel: He restored it from nave to narthex!
Comic Book Guy: He super-sized the pews for the zaftig believer.
Patty: He put ice in the urinals.
Lisa: Those are all wonderful things, but they cost the church its soul. I for one will not be a part of it. [gets up and walks out]
Squeaky Voice Teen: [as an usher] Do you want your hand stamped so you can come back in?
Lisa: No. I'm leaving this church forever! [walks out]

[When Lisa does her nightime prayers]
Lisa: Lord, I'm not turning my back on you. I just need to find a temple that's free of corruption. [Marge is hiding on the other side of the bed]
Marge: Why do you have to be so different? Always making a big deal out of everything? [makes a ghostly moan]
Lisa: Mom, I know it's you. I can't believe you're eavesdropping on my prayers.
Marge: [sits up] Oh, honey, I'm worried about your soul. I want at least one person from this family to go to Heaven.
Lisa: I still believe in God. I just think there's another path to Him or Her.
Marge: Her?! [holds Lisa and looks up] She's just kidding, Mr. Lord!

[When Lisa is picking a new religion]
Bart: Still looking for a new faith?
Lisa: Yep.
Bart: Hey, how about one of those religions where you eat a human heart?
Lisa: No.
Bart: How about Methodist?
Lisa: No! Look, I'm not just going to pick a religion that seems cool. I'm going to pick one that's right for me.
Bart: How about Judaism? When you turn 13, cha-ching!

Nelson: [to Bart] Hey, Simpson, I hear your sister dumped Christianity.
Bart: Who cares?
Dolph: I'll tell you someone who cares. He's got long hair, works as a carpenter, has a lot of crazy ideas about love and brotherhood.
Jimbo: His name's Gunnar and he's dating my mom. Sometimes he buys us beer.
Bart: I thought Kearney was dating your mom.
Kearney: Hey, she came on to me.
Jimbo: Get him! [the bullies attack Kearney. Bart waits a moment and joins in]

[When Lisa is planting a tree in the backyard]
Marge: Hey, Lisa, what are you doing?
Lisa: I'm planting my own bodhi tree. If I meditate under it, perhaps I can find inner peace.
Marge: Honey, is this about some boy at school who doesn't like you?
Lisa: No!
Marge: Good. I'm just saying that any boy who doesn't like you is not worth your time.
Lisa: [begins meditating] Om mani padme hum. Om mani padme hum. Om mani padme hum.
Marge: Oh, you're going to get a bath tonight.

[At the church council meeting]
Reverend Lovejoy: Well, next on our agenda: Marge Simpson's devil daughter.
Marge: She's not a devil. I just don't know what to do.
Flanders: Well, Christmas is coming, huh?
Reverend Lovejoy: Yeah, and Santa doesn't leave presents under the bodhi tree. [winks and taps his nose]
Marge: You think we can bribe her back with Christmas?
Reverend Lovejoy: [holds up a Bible] Marge, you can save more souls with roller skates and Easy-Bake ovens than with this 2 thousand page sleeping pill.

Richard Gere: Anyway, Lisa, your family didn't have to trick you. Buddhists respect the diversity of other religions, as long as they're based on love and compassion.
Lisa: [incredulously] Wha?
Richard Gere: It's true. So why don't you go home? I'm sure your family really misses you.
Lisa: I can really celebrate Christmas?
Richard Gere: You can celebrate any holiday. And, you know, my birthday is August 31st.
Lisa: Oh, I'll send you an e-mail greeting card.
Richard Gere: Sweet.

Homer: [carrying Santa's Little Helper] I did it! I found our dog! Now our Christmas is complete.
Marge: We were looking for Lisa.
Bart: I thought we were caroling.

[When Lisa comes back home]
Marge: You came back!
Lisa: Yeah, I wanted to spend Christmas with you guys.
Homer: So you're back on the winning team?
Lisa: No, I'm still Buddhist, but I can worship with my family, too.
Marge: So you're just going to pay lip service to our church?
Lisa: Uh-huh.
Homer: That's all I ever asked.


Season 12 Season 13 Quotes Season 14
Treehouse of Horror XIIThe Parent RapHomer the MoeA Hunka Hunka Burns in LoveThe Blunder YearsShe of Little FaithBrawl in the FamilySweets and Sour MargeJaws Wired ShutHalf-Decent ProposalThe Bart Wants What it WantsThe Lastest Gun in the WestThe Old Man and the KeyTales from the Public DomainBlame it on LisaWeekend at Burnsie'sGump RoastI Am Furious (Yellow)The Sweetest ApuLittle Girl in the Big TenThe Frying GamePoppa's Got a Brand New Badge