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This Little Wiggy
Simpson Tide
The Trouble with Trillions
Mr. Burns: How could you be so irresponsible?
Homer: I-It's my first day.
Mr. Burns: Since I've never seen you before, maybe it is your first day. Very well. Carry on.
Smithers: Uh, sir, that's Homer Simpson, and he's been working here for 10 years.
Mr. Burns: Oh, really? Why did you think you could lie to me?
Homer: It's my first day.
Mr. Burns: [Chuckling] Well, why didn't you sa- Oh! You're fired!

Homer: You know, Lisa, I've taken a lot from this country. Maybe it's time I gave something back.
Lisa: Are you thinking of joining the naval reserve?
Homer: Would you be proud of me?
Lisa: Yeah, sort of.
Homer: Then I will do it!

Homer: There's a question that's crossed out.
Clerk: Well, due to a recent presidential order we're not allowed to ask that particular question.
Homer: Oh, I think I can make it out. "Are you a homosex-"
Clerk: Oh, for God's sake, don't answer that. I could go to jail.
Homer: But I'm not a homosex-
Clerk: LA, LA, LA, LA, LA... I am not listening! (He exits.)
Homer: Nice fella. I wonder if he's gay.

Homer: You know, Marge, joining the reserves was the best thing I ever did. I feel good about myself, I'm helping my country and later I'm going to get Gilligan's autograph.
Lisa: I'm so proud of you, Homie!
Homer: Then I'll whomp him with my hat! (laughs)

Grampa: My Homer is not a Communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist, but he is NOT a porn star!

Ralph: (while wearing an earring) My neck hurts and my ear hurts. I have two owies!

Sergeant: (to Homer) All right, Simpson, you don't like me and I don't like you.
Homer: I like you.
Sergeant: All right, you like me, but I don't like you.
Homer: Maybe you'd like me if you got to know me!

Homer: (to Moe) Damage report, Mr. Moe.
Moe: Sonar: out. Navigation: out. Radio: out.
Homer: Enough of what's out! What's in?
Moe: Ice-blended mocha drinks and David Schwimmer.
Homer: Yes, he is handsome in an ugly sort of way.

Homer: Well guys, I won't be seeing you for a while.
Barney: Where you going?
Homer: I've joined the Naval Reserve!
Barney: Well, I'm not gonna let anything happen to my best friend. I'm joining too!
Moe: Well I'm not going to let anything happen to my two best customers. I'm joining too!
Apu: And although my religion strictly forbids military service, what the hey! I'm in too!

Male Asian: Di di mau! Di di mau!
Moe: I'm sorry, guys. We're shutting down for a while. Sorry.

Female Officer: (to Homer) Fifteen seconds to collision! We need a decision.
Homer: Hmm, what would the Captain say in my spot?
Captain Tennille: (while in the torpedo tube) Don't fire the torpedoes!
Homer: Fire the torpedoes!

Lisa: Be careful, Dad.
Homer: Oh, Lisa, it's just war games. It's not like a game could hurt me. (begins imagining) Damn you, Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots! Can't we all just get along?

Captain Tenille: Tell me, young man. What do you want out of life?
Homer: I want peas.
Captain Tenille: We all want peace! But it's always just out of reach.
Homer: (attempting unsuccessfully to reach a pot of peas) Oh! Uh-huh.
Captain Tenille: So, what's the best way to get peace?
Homer: (eating peas from a butter knife) With a knife!
Captain Tenille: Exactly! Not with the olive branch, but the bayonet. Oh, Simpson! You're like the son I never had.
Homer: And you're like the father I never visit.

Lenin: (upon being revived) Must crush capitalism!

Barney: Mayday, Mayday! The engine room has sprung a leak. It's filling up with a clear, nonalcoholic liquid.
Homer: You mean water?
Barney: Yeah, that's it.

Homer: You can't spell "dishonorable" without "honorable."

Lisa: (to Homer) I think you're a hero, Dad!
Homer: Well, I couldn't have done it without Bart. (to Bart) Boy, I guess I was wrong about that earring. It saved us all.
Bart: Hey, can I get a tattoo that says "Bite Me"? You never know when it might come in handy!
Homer: I don't think so, son.
Bart: King Cobra?
Homer: No.
Bart: Weapons-grade plutonium?
Homer: Ask your mother.
Bart: Knock-out drops?
Homer: No.
Bart: Ninja death stars?
Homer: Maybe for Christmas.


Season 8 Season 9 Quotes Season 10
The City of New York vs. Homer SimpsonThe Principal and the PauperLisa's SaxTreehouse of Horror VIIIThe Cartridge FamilyBart StarThe Two Mrs. NahasapeemapetilonsLisa the SkepticRealty BitesMiracle on Evergreen TerraceAll Singing, All DancingBart CarnyThe Joy of SectDas BusThe Last Temptation of KrustDumbbell IndemnityLisa the SimpsonThis Little WiggySimpson TideThe Trouble with TrillionsGirly EditionTrash of the TitansKing of the HillLost Our LisaNatural Born Kissers
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