Skinner: Students, each one of you has been assigned the mandatory honor of contributing to the time capsule, where your arcana will lie dormant until the 31st century and ...
Chalmers: By the time you finish talking, we're gunna be opening this damn capsule.
Nelson: I wish we could put this moment in the time capsule.
[Chalmers was shown videotaping the class and tossing it into the time capsule]
Chalmers: Consider it done.
Skinner: Ugh, how 'bout you, Bart? Let me guess. You forgot to bring something.
Bart: I'm offended you'd think I forgot. [looks through his desk] Let's see. [finds a sandwich] Ta-da.
Chalmers: Listen, boy. This is the only legacy you'll ever leave.
Bart: Better make this count. [blows his nose into the sandwich]
[Marge Simpson washes dishes at home and senses that Bart ruined her sandwich]
Marge: [gasp] My sandwich!
Kent Brockman: A mysterious electrical storm is current wreaking havoc with our studio, but I'm not one of those brainless dolts who mindlessly reads a teleprompter-r-r-r-r Error 401 backslash backslash, colon reset C drive, shutting down.
[Bender falls from the sky]
Homer: What the hell was that?
Lisa: Probably just another piece of Amerca's space junk falling out of orbit.
Bart: Remember when this country didn't suck? Cuz I don't.
Bender: Bite my shiny metal ass!
Homer: A robot! With a catchphrase!
Homer: Okay, so what are you?
Bart: Must be a secret government project.
Bender: Whoa, what do I look like? A nark?
Bender: I come from the future.
Homer: Prove it. What happens to Homer Simpson in the future.
Bender: I don't know. You die.
Homer: Oh ... my ... God.
Homer: We must take you to out civic leaders.
[Homer takes Bender to Moe's Tavern]
Homer: Listen, uh, I know you're a robot and incapable of emotion...
Bender: [sobbing] It's true! I'm empty inside! [breaks down crying on the bar.]
[Bender drinks beer and then burps out fire]
Moe: Hey, hibachi head. How you gunna pay for that?
Bender: Uh, let me just transfer some uh, electronic hyper credits into your register here.
[Bender sticks his finger into the cash register and pretends to pay]
Bender: Dingitty ding ding da-dingitty ding ding.
Homer: What's the robot version of bromance?
Lisa: I see no reason to believe that Bender is from the future. Robotic technology today is very advanced.
Bender: Oh, really? Can your modern-day robots do this?
[Bender makes a sign that says "Happy Birthday Lisa" on his mouth]
Lisa: It's not my birthday, although Maggie's is pretty soon.
Bender: I can't do Maggie. The "G"s look like sixes.
Bender: Can your present-day robots do this? [takes off his head and sticks his tongue out like an idiot]
Professor Frink: Uh, no. No, they can not. Not sure why they'd want to.
[Bender gets ready to kill Homer but then stops]
Bender: Oh, I can't do it.
Lisa: What stopped you, Bender? Asimov's three laws of robotics?
Bender: You think robots care what some hack science fiction writer thinks? I killed Isaac Asimov on the way over here. Well, Isaac somebody.
Fry: Come on, Bender. Stabbitty stabbitty.
Lisa: Why must you kill my dad? Especially when cheeseburgers are doing the work for you?
Hermes: The monsters are stealing our office supplies!
Zoidberg: Hello, robot. Looks like everyone gets a turn to say something. This concludes my time.
Professor Farnsworth: The annoying girl may be helpful.
Professor Farnsworth: Leela, take Homer and explore this time period. Find out why people would ever pay for freemium games.
Homer: I'll explain. Okay, it starts free, right? ...
Homer: ... And that's why I owe Clash of Candies $20,000.
Homer: Marge, I'd like you to meet Leela and Fry.
Marge: [thought] Don't mention her eye. Don't mention her eye.
Leela: [thought] Don't mention her hair. Don't mention her hair.
Marge: Eye ... and so pleased to meet you.
Leela: Nice to be hair ...
[Both nervously chuckle]
Leela: Oh, lord.
Lisa: Professor Farnsworth, I'm dying to know how you got here. Was it a time machine?
Professor Farnsworth: Little girl, time machines are physical impossibilities. We teleported through a singularity that I quantum-entangled to Bender, under the guise of fixing his collar.
Professor Frink: Yes, but how did Bender get here?
Professor Farnsworth: With a time machine.
[Homer and Bender sleep on the couch and talk in their sleep]
Bender: [snore] Kill all humans.
Homer: [snore] Start with Flanders.
Professor Farnsworth: Good news, everyone!
Fry: That means it's bad.
Morbo: We interrupt this hologram to bring you an important bulleting. The horrific creatures destroying New New York have begun metamorphosing.
Linda: Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
[A mutant rabbit kills and eats Linda and then turns into a Bart monster]
Bart Monster: Eat my shorts.
Bart: Wow, I'm doing the same jokes a thousand years later. Ay caramba!
Leela: Bury Bart in the hole!
Marge: I thought people in the future would be more full of peace and love, like in Epcot Center.
Leela: In our time, Epcot Center is a work farm for the weak.
Professor Farnsworth: Oh but it's not as crowded as the slave labor camps at Universal Studios.
Amy: Mayday! Mayday! [gasp] They got Scruffy!
Scruffy: Nope. Just got my mustache but life without a mustache ain't worth living.
[Scruffy kills himself]
Professor Farnsworth: Of all probable futures, this is the worst.
Marge: It is because my baby's not in it!
Professor Farnsworth: Motherly love. Why did we outlaw that?
Professor Farnsworth: You and Fry can bumble around together, while the rest of us give up and make peace with our dieties. As for me, I'm an Atheist. [prays] Oh, nobody's father, who art nowhere. I know you can't hear me. Completely ignore this prayer. Nothing art thou and nothing will thou ever be. Jesus was just a man.
Professor Farnsworth/Leela/Fry/Hermes/Amy/Lisa/Zoidberg/Bart/Homer: A man.
Hedonismbot: Well, I shall stay here for the decadents. There's no debauchery like end of the world debauchery. Your lips, my lips, apocalypse!
Lisa: I can't believe you're all giving up without a fight.
Leela: Lisa, we're just a package delivery service.
Fry: And not a very good one.
Lisa: They're evolving. Wow, that's a first for you, Bart.
[Madison Cube Garden, containing the Bart creatures, is ejected into the void of space; Lisa, Leela, Zoidberg, Amy and Hermes cheer]
Bart: You realize you're cheering the death of millions of my children.
[Lisa, Leela, Zoidberg, Amy and Hermes cheer]
Fry: Wow, it's working! I guess the instructions were in English.
[Bender changes Maggie's diaper and takes a bunch of money out of it]
Bender: [gives Maggie a handfull of the cash] Here's your cut.
Bender: Nice knowing you, meatbags. Have fun turning to dust.
[Homer pours some beer into Bender's mouth, while he waits out the millennium]