The Great Money Caper
Skinner's Sense of Snow
Bart: (reading his permanent record) "An under achiever and proud of it." How old is this thing?

Nelson: (after Principal Skinner's film burns) Ha-ha! Next time get a DVD.
Principal Skinner: This is a DVD!
(The DVD catches fire and falls on the floor)

Nelson: We're trapped in the school!
Kids: Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!
Milhouse: We're gonna miss Christmas!
Kids: Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!
Principal Skinner: I fixed the DVD!

Principal Skinner: You did it, Nibbles! Now chew through my ball-sack!

Marge: They always pick the guy with the wires.

[While Homer watches the pre-football game show on TV]
Al: Welcome back to Pigskin Preview: Denver-Green Bay; who do you like?
Jerry: That's football, right? [the trio laughs] Well, I'm going to take the Broncos in this game, because the Packers will be blinded by Jerry's tie. [everyone laughs]
Homer: Heh-heh-heh. Tremendous
Al: I'm all worried about Al's jacket. How many stations can you get on that thing?
Wardrobe Manager: [walks into the camera view] All right, listen. I am sick of your jokes about the wardrobe. You people can dress yourselves! [walks off]
Third Man: Ahem. Well, folks, he's got a point, um, with all our unscripted horseplay, we sometimes don't think about..
Homer: [on the phone] Lenny! Are you watching this?
Lenny: [on the phone] Yeah, they really hurt that guy's feelings.
Homer: [on the phone] I know!

Marge: Finally, a circus full of whimsy and wonder.
Homer: Oh, yeah, that's way better than fun and excitement.
Lisa: [reading from a pamphlet] As French-Canadians, they don't believe in refunds or exploiting animals for entertainment.
Homer: Oh, I wanted to seem them fire a gorilla out of a cannon.

Sideshow Mel: A storm is coming! I can feel it in my bone.
Circus Ringmaster: Mesdames and Messieurs, it appears the cloud goddess is ripe with rain babies. We must run for our trucks.
[the audience heads for the exits]
Homer: Oh, no, you don't! I paid full price for this freak show. Now, nourish the child within me. [with a raised fist] Nourish!

[Bart and Lisa listen to the radio for school closing]
Radio Announcer: The following schools are closed today; Shelbyville, Ogdenville, Ogdenville Tech, and Springfield Elementary... [Bart gasps in surprise]...My Dear Watson Detective School. [Bart groans] And lastly, Springfield Elementary School...[Bart and Lisa cheer] …is open! [Bart and Lisa groan] And it's open season on savings at Springfield Menswear... which is closed.

Principal Skinner: Children, I'm proud of you. Most of our students didn't bother to show up on this last day before Christmas Break, but you've kept intact my Cal Ripken-like streak of school openage.
Milhouse: Hey, where are the teachers?
Principal Skinner: Eh, their union has called an emergency caucus.
[Scene cuts to the teachers at a ski lodge where they’re forming a conga line]
Teachers: [singing] Caucus, caucus, caucus! Caucus, caucus, caucus!

Marge: This is terrible, how will the kids get home?
Homer: I don't know, internet?

Principal Skinner: Children, it seems the phone lines are down so I'm afraid we're here for the duration.
(the children groan in disappointment)
Kearney: But it's my kid's birthday!
Martin: I'm doing a puzzle with Grandmama and she'll finish without me.
Principal Skinner: Yes, yes, yes. We all had plans. Except for me, ironically. I'm right where I wanna be.
Nelson: I can cut a trail through this snow. I'm part Eskimo.
Principal Skinner: I don't care if you're Kristi Yamaguchi. No one leaves the building.
Bart: This stinks! We'll miss the "Itchy & Scratchy" where they finally kiss.
Principal Skinner: I don't care if they're kissing Kristi Yamaguchi, you're not going home.
Sherri/Terri: That's so unfair.
Nelson: This blows.
Milhouse: Skinner's a real grinch.

[When Homer and Flanders get ready to rescue the kids; Homer is starting the car]
Flanders: Well, I'm all for rescuing the kids, but I wish you hadn't sawed off my roof. [scene shows Flanders’ roof sawed off]
Homer: My car, your roof; it's only fair.
Flanders: But it's my car.
Homer: Well, yeah.
Flanders: Hey, whatever happened to the plow from your old snowplow business?
Homer: I never had a snowplow business.
Flanders: Sure you did, Mr. Plow. You're wearing the jacket right now. [scene shows Homer wearing the “Mr. Plow” jacket]
Homer: I think I know my own life, Ned. [sings] Call Mr. Plow, that's my name; that name again is Mr. Plow. [drives out of Flanders's driveway and knocks down his mailbox as he goes]

Principal Skinner: That elephant ate my entire platoon.

Nelson: This sucks.
Principal Skinner: Are you questioning my authority? Willie!
[Willie comes over and hangs Nelson by his vest on a coat hook]
Nelson: Ow! Mmmph, my vest. [to the other kids] Well, don't just stand there, fight back! There aren't enough coat hooks to fit all of us.
Principal Skinner: Actually, there are. [counts] Five... ten... fifteen... twenty. [to Sherri and Terri] Eh, can you two share a hook?
Sherri and Terri: Yes, sir.
Principal Skinner: We're fine, then.
Nelson: [groans]

Flanders: I think we hit something.
Homer: I hope it's Flanders! [laughs, then notices Flanders glaring at him] I'm just kidding. Hey, you're all right. [playfully punches Flanders on the arm]

Ralph: Mr. Army Man? I can't sleep without my Reggie Rabbit!
Principal Skinner: Is that some sort of plush novelty?
Ralph: Yes, ma'am.
Principal Skinner: Uh, well here's a scouring pad, it's just as good.
Ralph [holds the scouring pad to his cheek]: It's cold, and hurty!

[When Principal Skinner ends Bart’s attempts to escape]
Principal Skinner: I know it looks like the path to freedom, but one collapse and presto! You've got a snow casket.
Bart: I was gonna put buttresses in.
Principal Skinner: Gonna, wounna, shounna. Willie, destroy it. [as the students protest, Willie inspects the tunnel]
Willie: He did do a bonnie job, sir.
Principal Skinner: Defying orders, eh? Well, I see you Scotsmen are thrifty with courage, too.
Willie: Okay, Skinner, that's the last time you'll slap your Willie around. I quit!
Principal Skinner: Fine. I'll do the job myself. [pokes the roof with a broom, which starts to crumble] Help! It's caving in! [the roof caves in on Principal Skinner which leaves his head exposed.]
Bart: What's the problem, Seymour? Stuck?
Principal Skinner: That's precisely the problem, and you know it. Now get me out of here!
Bart: What's that? You want the pee bucket on your head? [puts the bucket on Principal Skinner’s head]
Principal Skinner: No! You're twisting my words!
[The students laugh]
Bart [to the kids]: C'mon! We're taking over the school!

[When Bart makes Principal Skinner write “I Ain’t Not a Dorkus” over and over on the blackboard]
Principal Skinner: I can’t write this; it’s a grammatical nightmare.
Bart: [pokes Principal Skinner with a ruler]: Mau! Di-di mau!
Principal Skinner: I’m getting a cramp in my wrist.
Bart: Oh, boo-hoo. After all the times I've done it, my wrist sounds like a cement mixer. [twists his wrist which sounds like a cement mixer]

Lisa: [reads her permanent record] “Lisa is an outstanding student with a slight tendency towards know-it-all-ism.” [gasps] That’s not even a word.
Milhouse: Then we’ll get rid of the record…permanently! [rips the page out of Lisa’s permanent record]

Nelson: Hey, look how much Skinner makes--$25,000 a year! (the kids are impressed)
Bart: (typing into a calculator) Let's see, he's 40 years old, times $25 grand...whoa, he's a millionaire!
Children: Wow!
Principal Skinner: I wasn't a principal when I was one!
Nelson: Plus, in the summer, he paints houses.
Milhouse: He's a billionaire!
Children: Wow!
Principal Skinner: If I were a billionaire, why would I be living with my mother? (the kids laugh) They don't seem to listen to logic anymore.

Bart: Look, I’m throwing paper!

Principal Skinner: Yeech. It's getting ugly out there. Think, Skinner, think. What would Superintendent Chalmers do?
Superintendent Chalmers: [appears in Principal Skinner’s mind] Skinner!
Principal Skinner: Eh, that's no help.

Nelson: [finds Principal Skinner] There you are! [over his walkie-talkie] “Falcon” to “Eagle”, have located “Bag of Crap.”
Principal Skinner: Nelson, if you get me out of this, there's a hall monitor position opening in the Spring.
Nelson: I spit on your monitors.
Principal Skinner: I know. That's why the position's available.

[When Nibbles crashes through Flanders’ windshield]
Homer: A hamster ball!
Flanders: Just like the one that saved Ezekiel.
Homer: We’re free and we got something to eat!

[When the kids are burning books in the library]
Bart: So long, “Johnny Tremaine.” Your Newberry award won't save you now. [throws the book into the fire]
Principal Skinner: Not "Huck Finn!" I spent hours crossing out the sass-back!

[When Flanders’ car is about to crash into a silo]
Ned: We're going to crash!
Homer: Do you have airbags?
Ned: No. The Church opposes them for some reason.

Superintendent Chalmers: [arriving to school on a snowmobile] Skinner!
Principal Skinner: Superintendent Chalmers!
Superintendent Chalmers: What are you doing in that ridiculous duffel, Seymour? And is that burning literature I smell?
Principal Skinner: Uh, well, sir… I, uh..
Superintendent Chalmers: There’d better be a good explanation for this.
Bart: There is, sir.
Superintendent Chalmers: Ah, then I’m happy. [rides away]

Lisa: [as a camel] Merry Christmas from the Simpsons! Haww!! Haww!!!

Bart: Hey look, the snow is melting!
Martin: With a little help from our friend, Sodium Chloride!
[Nelson jumps on Martin and beats him up]

Kent Brockman: (on TV about the blizzard) Roads closed, pipes frozen, albinos...virtually invisible.

Season 11 Season 12 Quotes Season 13
Treehouse of Horror XIA Tale of Two SpringfieldsInsane Clown PoppyLisa the Tree HuggerHomer vs. DignityThe Computer Wore Menace ShoesThe Great Money CaperSkinner's Sense of SnowHOMЯPokey MomWorst Episode EverTennis the MenaceDay of the JackanapesNew Kids on the BlecchHungry, Hungry HomerBye Bye NerdieSimpson SafariTrilogy of ErrorI'm Goin' to PraiselandChildren of a Lesser ClodSimpsons Tall Tales
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