Homer: Uh… I'll be right back. (runs to the phone)
Pimply Teen: (to Comic Book Guy) Sir, you can't take food into the theater.
Comic Book Guy: Search all you want. You'll never find it all. I'm baking muffins as we speak.
(Lisa tries to be a stand-up comedian)
Lisa: So... why do they call them field trips? We never go to a field!
Principal Skinner: Not true! Last week we went to a battlefield.
Ralph: I'm bembarrassed for you!
Nelson: The following "Ha Ha" is not from amusement, but a sign of contempt. Ha Ha!
Lisa: So Maggie's NOT a genius?
Henry: Oh, she could be… at sweeping up hair!
Homer: That's my baby, jerk! (punches Henry leaving him with a bruise on his nose)
Henry: You call that a punch? I felt it, but it was like "so what"? (Homer punches Henry again leaving a nosebleed) Oh, again with the nose. I have a chin too, you know! (Homer punches Henry making him unconscious)
Moe: (as the butler) Don't worry sir, the maid and I will take him out to the curb. Come on!
Barney: (as the maid) You promised me no one would get hurt!
(When Lisa is dressed up as a goth)
Milhouse: What are you now, Lisa? An Oakland Raiders fan?
Homer: We've all learned something today. Never be something you're not, namely food.
Simon Cowell: (after seeing his name in the ending credits) Now, there's a celebrity!
Simon Cowell: (when the "Gracie Films" woman shushes) Oh, shush yourself!
Henry: She's as common as an angry woman in an Ibsen play.