Dial "N" for Nerder
Smoke on the Daughter
Papa Don't Leech
Chazz Busby: Who the hell... taught you to stand like that?
Lisa: This is the way I always stand when I tell adults what they should be doing!

Chazz Busby: Ah-ah! En pointe!
Lisa: This is so hard.
Dancer: Get used to it. We ballerinas are under constant pressure to stay focused, skinny, graceful and skinny.
Lisa: How do you cope with it?
Dancer: You find out what works you.For some people it might be yoga, for others, meditation. But for every ballerina in the world, it's cigarettes.

Lisa: Nothing like fresh air! (breathes in smoke) Fresh air!

Apu: I do not thank you and I will not come again!

Marge: Do you need more legwarmers?
Lisa: No! Stop buying me legwarmers! I'm already wearing six pairs!

(Bart sees Lisa taking second-hand smoke and calls home.)
Homer: Hello. She what?! Oh, my God! Well, I'm going to settle this once and for all! Meet me at that place we discussed. (hangs up)
Marge: Who was that?
Homer: Wrong number.

Homer: Stop saying things, Bart. That's the TV's job.

Homer: This is my favorite family tradition, ice cream after a botched recital.

Lisa: Cigarettes? They can kill you! They did a whole episode about it on The Suite Life of Zack & Cody. Zack tried to impress a girl by smoking, but she went for Cody instead. Ha. Zack's life wasn't so sweet then.

Homer: Son, while your mother and little mother are out, I'm gonna let you in on a deep, dark family secret.
Bart: You have a drinking problem?
Homer: I said secret.

(Homer and Lisa are excited about the latest Angelica Button book.)
Lisa: The last book in the series goes on sale at midnight and we're gonna go stand in line.
Bart: Wait in line for a book? You tell 'em Bart says hey.
Homer: Come on, boy. All the nerds are doing it.
Bart: I'm not a nerd. I'm a jock who's too cool for sports.

(Chazz Busby's TV commercial.)
Chazz Busby: See that? That's talent. Think you got it? You don't. 'Cause only I can teach it and I ain't taught you, so you don't. The Chazz Busby Ballet Academy is coming to Springfield. Auditions are Monday. Callbacks are Tuesday. Wednesday, you see I'm a heartless bastard. Thursday you realize you love me, damn it. Friday, we're closed.

Marge: Homie, I'm gonna be a dancer!
Homer: Go-go or boring?
Marge: Boring!
(Homer moans)

Chazz Busby: I haven't seen crap like this since my Broadway show Crap Like This. Ran for five years.

Homer: I can't believe you were smoking. Do you know the "sturgeon" general said you're not supposed to?
Lisa: A "sturgeon" is a fish.
Homer: And a very wise fish he is!

Lisa: So what happened?
Marge: My bosoms grew in and ruined my balance.
Lisa: Really? How?
Marge: They came in one at a time.
Lisa: Mom, do you think mine...
Marge: No, I'm pretty sure you'll have your father's boobs.

Bart: Dad, you never win in a fight against animals. Remember your war with the worms?
Homer: That was not a defeat, that was a phased withdrawl.
Bart: Then why did they made you build that statue? (points at statue of Homer bowing at a worm, titled "Worms are better than me")
Homer: They multiply when I cut them. I can't fight that.

Marge: Lisa, have I ever shown you my shattered-dreams box?
Lisa: No.
Marge: It's upstairs, in my disappointments closet.
Lisa: Oh! Oh.

Apu: Ugh, you have wasted my time! (menacingly) You have made a very powerless enemy! Good day, and be well.

Homer: Who could have done this?
Bart: Well, something chewed through the cellar door, and the floor is covered with pawprints.
Homer: This can only mean one thing!
(cut to Homer holding up Ned Flanders' sweater)
Homer: Flanders, you ate my jerky!
Ned: As the oak said to the beagle, you're barking up the wrong tree! I spent the whole morning blanking out the "goshes" and "darns" of this Hardy Boys book!
Homer: I know you ate my jerky, just like I ate your earthquake supplies.

Homer: Awww, they're using the jerky to feed their family! Look, there's a Homer, and a Bart, and a Marge and a Lisa! Awww, they even share my views on parenting.
(Homer raccoon strangles Bart raccoon)

(It's windy and Lisa can't breathe the smoke)
Lisa: Oh, what am I doing? I don't need second-hand smoke to do ballet. (Grabs an alight cigarette on the ground) I need first-hand smoke! (Slowly approaches the cigarette to her mouth)
Homer: LISA! Give me that! (grabs the cigarette, stomps on it, pulls a gun and starts shooting the ground) I can't believe how easy it is in this country to get cigarettes. (Puts the gun in his jacket with the other guns and angrily looks at Lisa)

Homer: Because it means so much to your mother, you can keep doing ballet. But you have to stop smoking, including second-hand!
Lisa: That's easy for you to say, you've never had to be thin and focused!
Homer: (eating a hamburger, with mouth full) What'd you say?
Lisa: I'm just saying it's gonna be hard for me to quit, especially before the recital!
Homer: I thought you might have trouble with this. That's why I'm assigning someone to keep watch over you. Someone you'd never expect.
Lisa: Is it Bart?
Homer: D'oh! Come on out, boy.
(Bart comes out from the bushes)
Bart: For the next three days, I'm gonna stick to you like waffle syrup on a shag rug. I'm gonna be on you like fish stink on a gloucester dog. I'm gonna be all over you like-- Hey, where'd she go?

Dancer: They don't call these Dancer Sticks for nothing!
Lisa: I thought they were Cancer Sticks!
Dancer: (puts a cigarette on each ear) I dan't dear dou!!

Mayor Quimby: Lord, I could use a smoke. (sack of looted Laramies lands on the bed) Thank you, God. Cigarette?
Miss Springfield: Can't. I'm pregnant.
Mayor Quimby: One more favor?

Season 18 Season 19 Quotes Season 20
He Loves to Fly and He D'ohsThe Homer of SevilleMidnight TowboyI Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird SingsTreehouse of Horror XVIIILittle Orphan MillieHusbands and KnivesFuneral for a FiendEternal Moonshine of the Simpson MindE. Pluribus WiggumThat '90s ShowLove, Springfieldian StyleThe DebartedDial "N" for NerderSmoke on the DaughterPapa Don't LeechApocalypse CowAny Given SundanceMona Leaves-aAll About Lisa
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