Simpsons Wiki
Krusty Gets Busted
Some Enchanted Evening
Bart Gets an "F"
[Bart prank calls Moe's Tavern]
Moe: Moe's Tavern.
Bart: Is Oliver there?
Moe: Who?
Bart: Oliver Klozoff.
Moe: Hold on. I'll check. Oliver Klozoff! Call for Oliver Klozoff!
[Bart and Lisa burst out laughing. Marge picks up the phone.]
Moe: Listen, you lousy bum! If I ever get a hold of you, I swear I'll cut your belly open!
Marge: Goodness! Must be a crossed wire.

[Marge picks up the phone again and dials the babysitting service]
Receptionist: Rubber Baby Buggie Bumper Babysitting Service.
Marge: This is Marge Simpson, I'd like a babysitter for the evening.
Receptionist: Wait a minute. The Simpsons?
[Looks over at a bulletin board with Bart, Lisa and Maggie, with the words "NO! NO! NO!" on it.]
Receptionist: Lady, you've got to be kidding!
[Receptionist slams the phone and continues writing; phone rings seconds later]
Receptionist: Rubber Baby Buggie Bumper Babysitting Service.
Homer: Hello, this is Mr. Ssssampson.
Receptionist: Did your wife just call a second ago?
Homer: No, I said Sampson, not Simpson.
Receptionist: Thank God! Those Simpsons, what a bunch of savages! Especially that big ape father. [Homer gets more angrier as the word "savages" and "big ape" is said]
Homer: D'oh! [angrily] Actually, the Simpsons are neighbors of ours and we found them to be a quite misunderstood and underrated family.

Moe: Phone call for Al. Al Caholic. Is there an Al Caholic here?
[Everybody laugh]
Moe: Wait a minute. Listen, you little yellow-bellied rabbit jackass! If I ever find out who you are, I'll kill you!
[Moe slams the phone and Bart and Lisa laugh]
Homer: I hope you do find that punk someday, Moe. Fill her up.

[Marge and Homer finish watching Homer’s interview about the "Baby-sitter Bandit" on the news.]
Homer: Lord, help me. I'm just not that bright.
Marge: Oh, Homer, don't say that. The way I see it, if you raise three children who can knock out and hogtie a perfect stranger, you must be doing something right.

Homer: [to Marge] And, I made reservations at Chez Paree.
Marge: [gasps] But, Homer, it's so expensive!
Homer: It matters not, mon frere.

[After Ms. Botz ties up Bart and Lisa]
Bart: We know who you are, Ms. Botz, or should I say, Ms. Botzcowski. You're the Babysitter Bandit!
Ms. Botz: You're a smart young man, Bart. I hope you're smart enough to keep your mouth shut.
Lisa: He isn't.

[While Bart and Lisa are watching The Happy Little Elves on TV]
Bart: Oh, man, I can’t take it anymore. [heads to the TV to change the channel]
Lisa: But I want to see what happens!
Bart: You know what happens. They find Captain Cook's treasure. All the elves dance around like little green idiots. I puke. The end!
Lisa: Bart, you’re just like Chilly, the elf who cannot love.

[While the Simpsons are listening to the radio]
Bill Pie: [in a hurried voice] Bad news, drivers. There's an overturned melon truck on the interstate. Oh, it's a mess. There's lots of rubbernecking and melon wrestling going on, so expect delays...

[When Marge calls Dr. Marvin Monroe's radio show]
Marge: Hello. I'd like to talk to Dr. Monroe
Radio Show Producer: [apathetically] First name, age, problem?
Marge: I'm Marge, 34, and my problem's my husband. He doesn't listen to me. He doesn't appreciate me, I don't know how much more of this I can...
Radio Show Producer: Hey, lady, save your whining for when you're on the air, okay?

[As Marge calls Dr. Marvin Monroe's radio show, Homer and his co-workers listen at the power plant]
Dr. Monroe: The pig has made you into his mother. You are not the hot love object you deserve to be.
Marge: Really?
Dr. Monroe: I'm as sure of it as I'm sure my voice is annoying. Marge, tonight, the second he comes through that front door, you've got to tell him you're fed up, and if he doesn't start loving, you will be leaving.
Marge: Leave Homer?
Dr. Monroe: Please, don't use his real name!
Marge: Leave Pedro?
[All of Homer’s co-workers start laughing at him]
Dr. Monroe: Can you be that honest, Marge?
Marge: Yeah.
Dr. Monroe: You'll tell him right when he comes home from work!
Marge: Yeah!
Dr. Monroe: Say it like you mean it!
Marge: YEAH!!
[Everyone starts laughing at Homer, who gulps]

Shorts: Season 3 Season 1 Quotes Season 2
Simpsons Roasting on an Open FireBart the GeniusHomer's OdysseyThere's No Disgrace Like HomeBart the GeneralMoaning LisaThe Call of the SimpsonsThe Telltale HeadLife on the Fast LaneHomer's Night OutThe Crepes of WrathKrusty Gets BustedSome Enchanted Evening