The contents of this article are based on an issue of Simpsons Comics or another comic series and is considered to be non-canon and therefore may have not actually happened/existed.
At Santa's Workshop, a Smithers-esque elf is complaining that Santa always puts off reading a particular category of letters. The elf meets up with Santa in the R&D lab, where a female elf is showing off a violent Santa robot she built. Santa turns down the robot, then the Smithers elf, whose name is revealed to be Marlon, enters.
Santa reveals that it is two days before Christmas, and he has read all the letters except those from Springfield because he finds the town's quirkiness frustrating. First, he reads a letter from Bart, which he disregards as Bart is on the "naughty" list. Next is a letter from Lisa, who is still hopeful for a pony but has no other requests due to having become Buddhist.
The next letter is from the Comic Book Guy, who asks for some collectibles. However, Marlon has not made them in years, and Comic Book Guy is not a child, so the letter gets disregarded. Next is an incoherent letter from Barney, followed by a letter from a CEO, asking for a business negotiation (who Marlon hurriedly puts on the "naughty" list).
After Homer forges a letter from Ned, Santa decides that if all the Springfielders are equally greedy, the town is going off his route permanently. He reads the rest of the letters -- Otto wants a girlfriend, his ex wants "firepower" to get back at him, Ralph wants Easter eggs, Apu wants various supplies for his kids, Sherri and Terri want better versions of the other's gift, Quimby, Fat Tony, and Snake all want their own sleighs and reindeer, Mr. Burns wants the return of the Bull Moose Party, the Crazy Cat Lady wants more cats, Sideshow Bob wants explosives and music, and Moe wants the motivation to live.
Luckily, the final letter pacifies Santa -- it is a wish from Abe Simpson to assist Santa again. He gives Abe the sack of presents so that Abe can do the work, but unfortunately, the nursing staff brings him back inside and Bart steals the sack.
