The Squishee (sometimes spelled Squishy or Squishie) is a frozen drink, supposedly unhealthy, sold at the Kwik-E-Mart.
Squishees are reputed to be dangerous to health, allegedly containing no natural ingredients, not even pure water. They have been described as "a thick, gloopy, tooth-rotting mixture of crushed ice and syrup." One customer, Nelson, even had an out-of-body experience once from drinking a Squishee. In a Simpsons Comic, there is a story about 'Brain-Freeze Steve', who apparently cracked his head open while drinking a Squishee with two straws at the same time when the store was not yet a Kwik-E-Mart and owned by Abraham Simpson.
Squishee syrup comes in a variety of flavors (listed below). Consistent with the Squishee's general unhealthiness, Squishee flavorings can cause hallucinations if ingested in sufficient quantities.
Apu once had the Squishee machine at the Kwik-E-Mart replaced with one for a similar drink called the "Smooshie," which came in flavors such as "shopping bag" and "dog fur." Apu made the change after he had a fling with the Squishee syrup deliverywoman, and chose the Smooshie because its deliveryman was an ugly hobo and therefore wouldn't tempt Apu into being unfaithful to Manjula again. The Smooshie did not go over well with Apu's customers, however, and the Squishee quickly returned.
It is possible, but difficult, to make a Squishee entirely made of syrup. The syrup level has to be adjusted from "Recommended Dosage" past "Unhealthy Dosage" to "Experimental," and there is a risk of damaging the machine in the process. Also, in an all-syrup form, the Squishee cannot be drunk through a straw and is decidedly hallucinogenic. It is possible that the syrup has effects similar to, if not exactly like, alcohol.
The Squishee has previously had many different promotions, such as the Shrek Berry Blast flavour. Similarly, it had holiday-themed variations, such as X-Mas Red and Green, Chinese New Year, and Champagne-flavored Squishees sold on Valentine's Day. According to Apu, the Champagne Squishee has high enough doses of alcohol that he noted that it "should get you pretty darn hammered."
- Lime green
- Twenty-One Syrup Salute
- Chinese New Year
- Brendon Urie
- Squish of Death - black in color, causes spontaneous vomiting (sold in a Kwik-E-Mart on the wrong side of the tracks and is just Blue, Red, and Lime green mixed together)
- Hi-Protein Beef
- X-Mas Red
- X-Mas Green
- Blue cleaning agent
- Shrek Berry Blast
- Not Very Berry Blast
Behind the Laughter
- The Squishee is a parody of the Slurpee sold by 7-Eleven and the Slush Puppie sold in Canada, the US, Australia, and the UK. However, a Squishee uses a much thicker syrup than any real non-dairy frozen beverage.