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Sunday, Cruddy Sunday |
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- Wally: Well, we sure put together a heck of a trip, Homer. Ever thought about being a travel agent?
- Homer: Wally, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't.
- Wally: 'Cause you can really "go" places in the travel business. Huh? (laughs) Feel free to use that one.
- Homer: [not hearing] What one?
- Homer: Hey, Moe, you wanna come with me and Wally to the Super Bowl?
- Moe: Oh, absolutely. My favorite team's in it. The (puts a beer mug he was polishing over his mouth) Atlanta Falcons (puts mug down). Yeah, ever since I was a boy, I've always loved the (covers his mouth with the beer mug again) Atlanta Falcons (puts the mug down again).
- Homer: Yeah, they're good, but I wouldn't count out the (Homer takes the beer mug from Moe and puts it over his mouth) Denver Broncos (puts mug down).
- Wally: (Wally takes the beer mug from Homer) Yeah, I hear that President (covers his mouth with the beer mug) Clinton (puts mug down) is gonna be watching with his wife, (puts the beer mug over his mouth again) Hillary (puts the mug down again).
- Bart: (sees Homer with the Super Bowl trophy) Dad, that doesn't belong to you.
- Homer: But this might be my last chance to win one.
- (Homer and friends are being dragged by the winning team to the locker room. The team are oblivious to the following questions from journalists.)
- Reporter #1: How does it feel?
- Reporter #2: Was it a team effort?
- Reporter #3: Did you ever stop believing?
- Reporter #4: Does this suit make me look fat?
- Wally: Oh, how could I fall for fake tickets? Gee, the fellas are gonna be crestfallen.
- Homer: Yes, if by "crestfallen", you mean "kill us!" Listen, let me talk to them, maybe I can smooth this over. (to the group) My friends…
- Krusty: They don't have the tickets!
- Moe: Kill 'em!
- Homer: Now, this wheel balancing is free, right? (flashes his coupon book)
- Salesman: Oh, you betcha. Absolutely! (Notices Homer's tyres) Ah-woah-uh-oh! Wait a minute, these tyres won't take a balance.
- Homer: (worriedly) They won't?
- Salesman: Nah, nah, no. You hear that clunk? (knocks the tyre twice)
- Homer: (confusedly) No.
- Salesman: That tells me you need four new tyres.
- Homer: (upset) Really?
- Salesman: Yeah. Legally, I can't even let you drive out of here on these.
- Homer: (desperately) Oh, can't you let me slide this one time?
- Salesman: Gee, I'd really love to, but if my boss found out... (sees his boss and gestures to him)
- Boss: (approaches; angrily) Ah, what's going on over here?! Were you gonna let him drive out of here on unsafe tyres?!
- Salesman: (apologetically) No, boss, I swear!
- Boss: Ah, that's it! You're fired!
- Homer: (to Wally, shaking his hand) Hey, I know you! We were in the same pyramid scheme.
- Wally: Oh, don't remind me. "Friends helping friends," my ass. Say, you wanna grab a beer while we're waiting?
- Wally: Ooh, I know that look. You came in for the free wheel balance and now it's costing you five hundred simoleons.
- Homer: (annoyed) Six with the tip.
- Wally: Hey, you got off easy. I just came in to use the phone, and they got me for the whole Road King package: alignment, shocks, Armor All, stem lube.
- Homer: (laughs) Stem lube? Even I didn't fall for that! (worriedly) Although winter is coming...
- Principal Skinner: Hey, hey! Settle down, children. Now, who's ever wondered how the post office works? (silence from the kids, who stare blankly) No one?
- Lisa: I did, until we came here last year.
- Homer: Wow! A Valu-Qual coupon book! Let's see, ten percent off carpet cleaning. Ten! (gasps) Two pizzas for the price of one at Doughy's!
- Lisa: Doughy's has terrible pizza!
- Homer: Yeah, but there's two!
- Principal Skinner: Well, children, any questions for Postmaster Bill?
- Nelson: You ever gone on a killing spree?
- Postmaster Bill: (laughs) No, no! The day of the gun-totin' disgruntled shooting up the place went out with the Macarena!
- Principal Skinner: Well, I'm just glad I work in an elementary school.
- Announcer: The road to the Super Bowl is long and pointless. I mean, when you think about it.
- Marge: It's so nice to have a peaceful weekend together.
- Lisa: Yeah, I'm bored too.
- Marge: (to Lisa) Ooh! How about paint-by-numbers?
- Lisa: It's so rigid and uncreative.
- Marge: Okay. Oh, leather craft!
- Lisa: Oh, those poor, helpless cows.
- Marge: (frustrated) Mmm. What about clay? You got any problem with clay?
- Pat Summerall: Well John, what did you think of tonight's episode?
- John Madden: I loved it! The last-minute addition of Wally Kogen to the line-up was a bit of a gamble, but it really paid off.
- Pat: Marge and Lisa painting eggs? Did that work for you?
- John: Ho, ho, big time! They came off the bench with a huge effort that allowed Homer and Bart to make some significant gains.
- Pat: Did it strike you as odd that in a Super Bowl show with Dolly Parton we didn't see any football or singing?
- John: I hadn't thought about it, Pat, but in retrospect, it was kind of a rip-off! What a way to treat the loyal fans, who put up with so much nonsense from this franchise?
- Pat: Any final thoughts?
- John: Nah, I'm too mad, let's get the heck out of here!
- Homer: What is it, Rudy?
- Rudy: Can I come too?
- Krusty: (annoyed) Forget it, kid. You're too small to go to the Super Bowl.
- Rudy: But what I lack in size I make up for in obnoxiousness.
- Homer: (in the kitchen, on the phone with Lenny) Come on Lenny, I need four more guys to fill my Super Bowl bus. Whadaya say?
Lenny: Nah.
Homer: (pleadingly) Come on...
Lenny: Nah.
Homer: (growing more desperate) Come on...!
Lenny: Nah.
Homer: (whining) Oh, come ON!
Lenny: Aww...
Homer: (suddenly hanging up) YES! Now that Lenny's in, Carl will fall like a domino.