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Sweets and Sour Marge |
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- Lou: Even this promotional Johnny Depp from the movie "Chocolat"?
- Chief Wiggum: Sure, we melted for him. Now he's gonna do likewise.
- [Lou throws the chocolate figure in the fire; the figure melts with is face turning into a screaming face and groaning]
- Chief Wiggum: Alright, time to throw in the Butterfingers!
- [Eddie throw a bunch of Butterfinger bars in the fire; the bars don't melt and glow radiation, then bounce off the fire, with one of them landing into Eddie's hand]
- Eddie: Hm, it's not even singed.
- Chief Wiggum: Even the fire doesn't want them.
- Suicidal man: (sad) Goodbye, cruel world. (lands on the ball of fellow Springfield), (cheered up) Hello, ironic twist!
- Lenny: Well, I say the most clothespins a man could attach to his face is 87.
- Carl: You counting the neck?
- Lenny: You know I am.
- Carl: All right outside.
- (Suddenly, Homer appears, bathed in golden light, holding the Duff record book over his head)
- Homer: Peace, my brothers. All shall be looked up. (He looks through the books) Let's see ... most clothespins swallowed, inserted, here we go -- clipped to face and neck: 116. (He finds a picture of a man with the pins on his head.)
- Lenny: Oh. Geez, I was wrong. But I ain't angry.
- Carl: And I'm magnanimous in victory.
- Garth Motherloving: Hey, Marge, I'm not up on the current slang. Do the kids still say, "Get the hell out of my office?"
- Gil: You don't want old Gil going door to door, I've made too many enemies selling suckless vacuum cleaners and Rick James Bibles.
- Mr. Burns: Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!
- Apu: I'm rowing as fast as I can, sir.
- Mr. Burns: No, I'm having one.
- Bart: Why would Duff Beer put out a book?
- Lisa: It was originally published to settle arguments in taverns.
- Homer: She said "tavern"! I'm going to Moe's! (Runs away)
- Marge: I never agreed to that rule!
- Homer: Oh, here's a good one: The World's Most Overrated Saint.
- Marge, Lisa and Bart: Francis of Assisi.
- Homer: Aw, I've used up all these records.
- Bart: Why don't you try to set a record, dad?
- Homer: That's a great idea! Do you think I could run a mile in three and a half minutes?
- Lisa: Only on Mars.
- Homer: The Simpsons are going to Mars! So pack your...or maybe I'll think of something else.
- The entire population of Springfield fails to make a human pyramid and collapses onto a truck scale, totaling 64,152 lbs. and making Springfield the World's Fattest Town)
- Homer: Woo-hoo! In your face, Milwaukee!