Bart: "What higher power do TV evangelists worship?" I'll say God.
Milhouse: I'll say Jesus.
Bart: "The almighty dollar"?
Skinner: As I was saying, my yearly evaluation couldn't have come at a better time.
Chalmers: Well, Seymour, I must say for once, I am impressed. In fact, I am going to give this school a perfect ten. [lifts clipboard] I'll just write the zero first...now, a vertical line to indicate the one --
Children: [running down the corridor] Down with homework! [Chalmers gets trampled to the ground]
Moe: Man, you go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle to resist the urge to punch 'em in the face, and for what? For some pimply little puke that treats ya like dirt unless you're on a team. Well, I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean, not that fancy store-bought dirt. That stuff's loaded with nutrients. I can't compete with that stuff.
Apu: That I cannot bowl wreaks havoc with my self-esteem as well, but who am I to complain?
Homer: Well, I'm tired of being a wannabe league bowler. I wanna be a league bowler!
Marge: No, I will not pay you $500 for sex!
Homer: Aw, come on, Marge. You're getting something in return, and I'm getting a bowling team! It's a win-win!
Marge: It's sick, and I don't have that kind of money to spend on sex!
Moe: They think they're so high and mighty just 'cause they never got caught drivin' without pants.
Skinner: The year was 1968. We were on recon in a steaming Mekong delta. An overheated private removed his flak jacket, revealing a T-shirt with an iron-on sporting the Mad slogan "up with miniskirts." Well, we all had a good laugh, even though I didn't quite understand it. But our momentary lapse of concentration allowed Charlie to get the drop on us. I spent the next three years in a P.O.W. camp, forced to subsist on a thin stew made of fish, vegetables prawns, coconut milk and four kinds of rice. I came close to madness trying to find it here in the States, but they just can't get the spices right.
Mr. Burns: [About Hans Moleman] Why, it's that delightful TV leprechaun! I'm going to get your Lucky Charms. [He drills through Moleman's head]
Hans Moleman: Oh, no. My brains.
Bart: Mom, my slingshot doesn't fit in these pockets, and these shorts leave nothing to the imagination. These uniforms suck!
Marge: Bart, where do you pick up words like that?
Homer: [on the phone] Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
Marge: Homer, watch your mouth!
Homer: I gotta go. My damn wiener kids are listening.
Skinner: Pick your size: extra small or extra large! We've got both!
Homer: Nothing can stop us now!
[Cut to Mr Burns]
Mr Burns: Stop everything! I don't remember writing a check for bowling!
Smithers: Sir, that check is for your bowling.
Mr. Burns" Look at them, Smithers, enjoying their embezzlement!
Smithers: I have a much uglier word for it sir. Misappropriation!
Moe: Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.
Pin Pals: [chanting] You can do it, Otto! You can do it, Otto! Help each other out! That'll be our motto! You can do it, Otto! You can do it, Otto! Make this spare! I give you free gelato! Then back to my place, where I will get you blotto!
Homer: Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto!
Pin Pals: [chanting] Come on, Homer! Come on, Homer! Pretend this is baseball and hit us a homer!
Pin Pals: [chanting] Go, Moe! Go, Moe! Don't make Homer shout out D'oh!